Tag: church as family

Giving it all… whatever the consequences?

It was only a few years ago that I fought against my husband’s calling. I didn’t want to become a pastor’s wife and, at the time, wrapped up in my own depression and sin, I didn’t love the people he felt called to. I certainly didn’t want to be involved at all…

But then God did a deep work in me, and made me view the church as He does – full of wonderful, complicated, imperfect individuals who are each on their own journey with Him. I began to love with His love and count it a real privilege to be serving among them.

Today I realised that I was beginning to lose some of that viewpoint. As I struggled with frustration and annoyance it suddenly dawned on me that I was getting upset because of things that were having an impact on me – on my time, on my pocket and on my emotions. But if, as the song I’m listening to says, I’ve ‘given it all to Him’ then those things aren’t my own anymore are they? So, however what I am doing is received, whether my efforts are appreciated, my time and point of view respected, shouldn’t matter. I should be continuing to give my all because it isn’t about the consequences, it’s about offering myself as a sacrifice daily to my God and King. And if part of that is pouring myself out for those in His church, then so be it.

‘Googling your mind’

Last Saturday I had the privilege of attending the Association of Christian Writers’ (ACW) 40th anniversary. Adrian Plass was the guest speaker. As you may expect, he was amusing, challenging and, for me, a little controversial at the same time. I have come away, however, fascinated by one of the exercises that he got us to do. The concept is ‘googling your mind’. He said that we are so used to researching on the Internet these days that we often forget we have a wealth of knowledge and information inside of ourselves. Sometimes it is a really useful exercise to ‘google’ our minds by thinking of a subject and brainstorming it – writing down everything that immediately comes to mind without thinking about it. He got us to choose one subject (from a selection of ‘home’, ‘ACW’, ‘church’). I decided to google ‘church’ and was very interested in the list of contradictions/opposites that came out! I think it truly reflects my experience as a pastor’s wife – rightly or wrongly this is what church is for me today…

Family, My life, A safe haven, Work, Expectation, Pressure, Worship, Fun, Hard work, All ages, A place for the community, Inescapable, Neverending problems, People with attitude desperate to share…
God’s hope for the world – His choice. There is no back-up plan…
Where I belong.
Those who put their shoulder to the wheel next to me versus those along for the ride.
God’s bride – being made beautiful.
A place of beauty and of pain.
Somewhere to be myself – even when I don’t want to be.
Broken people needing God.
A place were we can achieve more together than alone.

It really made me stop and think. The church isn’t perfect, but that is because it is made up of human beings! However it is God’s vehicle; the way He has chosen to reach a desperately needy world…

If you have never ‘googled your mind’ why not try it yourself today? It would also make a really interesting icebreaker at a small group – you can choose anything to get people to brainstorm. I’ll leave you with another couple of subject suggestions from Adrian: ‘Am I the only one…?’ or ‘Long ago at school…’.

Singing spiritual songs

I referred to a worship conference that we took our team to a while back. One of the seminars I went to was on stepping out into spiritual songs. This is an area I want to grow in as I do do it on occasion. It was really interesting to hear about other people’s experiences and suggestions. I know that one of the things that was said was to simply sing the song and then stop – ie don’t go on too long or the anointing of what you were singing may be dampened. I can totally understand where that point is coming from and can recount instances of when that has happened. However – and this may be down to God’s graciousness to me more than anything else – my own personal experience has been that God gives me the words of the song as I’m singing and I simply stop when the words stop. That happened this Sunday. I often have the start of the song but no more, but this week I just had a little tune and nothing else – but knew I had to sing. I felt like I would literally burst if I didn’t! So I got the guitarist to carry on picking in the background and just went for it. (So unlike me – I usually have my keyboard as my comfort to hide behind!) The song kept coming, and kept flowing, and there was a definite refrain that kept coming back too. It seemed to go on for a long time – it was certainly the longest one I’ve ever sung – but the words were still flowing and still touching people. And then there were no more words so I stopped. I could look back now and dissect the song, decide on the little bits I could have left out, and possibly when I could have stopped earlier. But I find I can’t judge those things at the time – I just sing while I feel the anointing and stop when it feels right to. It is really hard to explain but the song does just simply dry up when it is time to stop. Because it is such a definite ‘start now’ and ‘stop now’ for me, I’m really interested to hear other people’s experiences – as it obviously isn’t the same for everyone. Anyone else got something they can share on this?

A whirlwind week

It has been a little while since I’ve been on here – mainly because life has reached whirlwind proportions. And the thoughts spinning around my head also have me reeling from their speed. So I’m trying to catch a moment to slow down and take stock. The last week has certainly been a varied one: I had my birthday, found out my mum was incredibly ill, had a terrible conversation with a magazine editor that left me wondering if Christians really can be that judgemental, shot down to see my mum in hospital, enjoyed a fantastic international day at church and also made some great new contacts with book and magazine publishers.

Each night I have fallen into bed late, absolutely exhausted, only to be denied sleep by my 2 year old, who really doesn’t seem to understand that waking up at night does not equate to coming to say hello to mummy, daddy and his sister! Even with the gate firmly fixed on his door he is still finding a way of keeping us all up at night. I look at him tearing around during each day and wonder where on earth he gets his energy from – and whether I could borrow some of it! In amongst the busyness, and emotional turmoil at times, I worry that I am so focused on different things I am not parenting to the best of my ability. I guess as parents we always have that nagging feeling – could we be doing things better? Are we juggling too much? Our society seems to only accept survivors – supermums who can spin every plate highly successfully and look fantastic at the same time!

That’s not really the reason for this entry though. I could write a series of blogs on that subject – and on the fact that while I believe in a God who can heal today, and have seen miracles in front of my eyes, one of those dearest to me – my own mum – continues to suffer pain from a debilitating disease day after day, year after year. I know suffering and healing are subjects I’m never going to fully understand, but I do have lots of questions I’m waiting to ask God when I do see him face to face! God does seem to have a way of turning things upside down – I travelled to see my mum expecting her to be hardly able to lift her head from her hospital bed but I was greeted by a beaming face as she had just had a chance to talk to a daughter of a patient about her faith and offered to pray for her. Gone was the downcast soul who had had enough of struggling with each breath and here was someone excited and vitalised by her faith once more. She said herself that every time she is in hospital she has such ‘divine encounters’ and that being there had lifted her spirit from the depth of despair. She is still physically in severe pain, but her spirit is back in line with her God.

All of this has made my own spirit go up and down. A high point was definitely yesterday at church where we celebrated the diversity of nationalities within our church. Sam Amara from Nigeria visited us and preached and we feasted on a wonderful array of dishes from around the world afterwards.

Yes it has definitely been a pretty crazy week. And today has continued to be crazy. I’m on my own for a few hours, for which I’m exceedingly grateful to my husband, but busy organising work and what I need to do before heading off to Brighton for the last Newfrontiers International Leaders’ Conference, Together on a Mission. I am excited about what God will do when we are all together – I just hope I manage to stay awake! ;D

What family is all about…

I reached yesterday evening tired but happy. It had been a wonderfully enriching day, full of worship, fun and friendship. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how I would feel. As is my usual tendency, when discussing the fact that there were four of us in the church with birthdays the same week, I opened my mouth and suggested hosting a bbq at our house after church with very little thought. Once the idea had been seized upon gladly by others, and I was in the throws of organising food and chasing people up to find out if they were coming and what they could bring, I was beginning to regret my good idea! I knew it would be a mad rush after church too – we were leading worship and my husband was anchoring the meeting so we had a lot on. We are usually the last to leave the building anyway. So I started panicking about how I was going to get it all done. But then I started asking people for help – and discovered that there are many able and willing people out there with such a heart to help. I arrived at church feeling that things were now manageable, and the frustrations of the week faded away as soon as we started worshipping together. God came in a powerful way, our visiting speaker really challenged us and we all felt it had been a significant time.

As soon as the service was over my organising instincts kicked in and I scurried around like a mad person! Friends kindly brought me home and helped light the bbq in next door’s garden (they are also in the church, and it was his birthday too). Some arrived quickly and suddenly all the salads I was down to make were done as they set to work on them. They helped throughout the day. Others arrived with more tasty contributions and suitably summery liquid refreshments. As all the kids played happily in the garden, people popped in and out the gate in our fence that leads through to next door’s garden and others chatted in our garden I took a step back to admire the scene. I realised that this is what family is all about – those of us who feel we have a gift of hospitality opening our homes, but everyone contributing and enjoying spending time together. We had a wonderful afternoon. And I was truly blessed by those who stayed behind and cleared up with us too. My son helped me as well by slowing me down at just the right moment – I had hardly seen him all afternoon and he had been so busy playing he hadn’t had a nap. It was reaching 5pm and he was shattered. He simply came to find me in the kitchen and said ‘mummy sleep, cuddle on sofa’. I took one look at him and, encouraged by the others around me, scooped him up and sat in the lounge with him curled up on me. There he stayed for an hour – the friends who had worked so hard next to me taking a break and chatting with me too. As soon as we sat down, others arrived in the kitchen to continue the tidying. What a great church we belong to! 😉