Guest post: the Monday blog tour

I am delighted to be hosting Katherine Baldwin’s post for the continuing Monday blog tour:

Thank you so much to Claire Musters for tagging me in the Monday blog tour (you can read her post here) and for accommodating this post on her site. Here are my answers to the blog tour’s questions:

What am I working on?

I am researching and writing a work of non-fiction called The Baby Gap: What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting. The book is about and for women of my generation who – by circumstance rather than choice – are childless, thinking they would like to be mothers, nearing the end of their fertile years and wondering what on earth to do about it. I am 43, I’ve had an incredible career in journalism that has taken me all over the world (you can read highlights on my website) and I’ve had many relationships of various lengths and levels of seriousness. But today I am single, without children and I’m wondering if I will ever have them. Increasingly too, I’m asking myself if motherhood is what I really want and if I could cope with it at this age. These are very big questions that take some figuring out.

Many women who grew up in the late 60s and 70s have found themselves in a similar position due to a combination of factors: the post-feminism context we grew up in; encouragement from family members, teachers and our peers to achieve our potential, focus on our careers, find personal fulfilment and attain financial security; and personal circumstances (in my case, an eating disorder and other compulsive and addictive behaviours that made it difficult to love myself for many years and therefore to love another). One in five women currently reaches menopause without children and it’s estimated this figure will rise to one in four for my generation.

My book looks at how we got here, what it feels like and what we can do about it. It tackles questions such as: how to date when you’re struggling with baby angst; whether to stay in a relationship with a man who’s a reluctant father or go in search of a more willing mate; whether to freeze your eggs; go it alone with donor sperm, co-parent or adopt on your own; and how to live a fulfilling life if it turns out you don’t have children. It combines my own story with the stories of other women and expert opinion and I hope it will be a lifeline to women who are struggling through this difficult phase and perhaps feeling lost and alone.

You can read more about the book at Baby Gap Blog, although I haven’t posted too often on that site. Separately, I write regularly about my personal journey through this stage of life on my blog, From Forty With Love.

How does my work differ from others in its genre?

I like to think no other work of non-fiction, at least not in the UK, has tackled this life stage in the same way I am trying to do. A number of women have chronicled their struggles with infertility and IVF or have written about choosing to be childfree or coming to terms with childlessness and finding a Plan B. A few writers in the United States have examined the social context in a similar way to me and traced their personal journeys, but the reality of their lives and their writing styles are quite different to mine. I believe the strength of my book lies in my personal story that seems to be representative, in some ways, of other women of my generation – in Britain and other parts of the world – and in my writing style, which is honest and straight from the heart. I’m also a seasoned journalist – of 19 years – who has collected friends all over the world and I bring those skills and those contacts to my research and writing.

Why do I write what to do?

I feel compelled to write, both my personal blog From Forty With Love and the book. Posts often come to me when I’m out and about, or when I’m struggling through a particularly difficult time. It’s the same for the book. I feel compelled to chronicle this age and stage of a woman’s life because it can be so tricky – trying to date, begin and end relationships, switch careers or think about one’s future can be incredibly hard when you’re struggling with baby angst and uncertainty about whether you’ll ever become a mum. This topic comes up all the time, in my friendship circles and with women I come across. How did we end up here? Should we relax and trust or try to take motherhood into our own hands? It’s an issue I can’t ignore. Whenever I think it’s too hard to write this book – I’ve had a number of rejections from top publishers – I’ll meet someone else who says she really wants to read it and that I have to carry on. It seems I have no choice.

How does my writing process work?

Unfortunately, it’s quite erratic. I juggle writing the book and my blogs with trying to make a living. Without a book deal or any guarantee of getting the book published, I find it hard to give it the time it deserves because I have lots of other work to do to pay the rent. Some weeks, by the time I’ve cleared the decks of other work and am ready to write the book, it’s Thursday or Friday and I’m running out of steam. That said, I can also be my own worst enemy – finding lots of other things to do (not work) when I could be writing or allowing my perfectionism to get in the way so I end up going around in circles. I know there’s a better way of working, however, and perhaps I’ll use this blog post to commit to dedicating my best working hours (first thing in the morning) to getting on with the book, at least twice a week. I hope I can stick to that!

To continue this blog tour, I’d like to tag Naomi Arabella Aidoo, whose blog is called Authentic Heart, and James Prescott to blog next Monday, May 19th. Thanks again, Claire!

 

The Monday Blog Tour

The Monday Blog Tour has seen some great writers talk about their work and provide insights into their writing processes. Lucy Mills kindly tagged me to continue the tour (read her post here). So here are my answers to the blog tour’s questions:
Learning with F21_JesusLearning with F21_Prayer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What am I working on?

I find the mix of work I have fascinating. Working mainly during the time my children are at school I manage to squeeze in editing other people’s books, writing Bible study guides, writing articles, interviews and reviews for magazines and websites as well as writing books myself. I have a regular column on Christian Today’s website and also have three books coming out this year: on May 23rd the first two of the Foundations 21 book series Jesus and Prayer come out, which are small-group discipleship and study guides that work in tandem with the Bible Reading Fellowship’s Foundation 21 website. Later on, in June, I have a book, co-written with Chris Ledger, being published by CWR: Insight into Managing Conflict.

At the moment I’m deep into an editorial job, which I’m finding challenging but hugely enjoyable. I’ve also got some books I’m in the middle of reading that I will be reviewing and then interviewing the authors, as well as some articles about new initiatives to write. Oh and a set of Bible study notes to write in the next few months. At the end of last week I got a snippet of interest from a publisher about a book idea I’ve had mulling over in my head for quite some months – so I need to do some actual work on that too! It’s the first book in which the idea has come totally from me (the others happened by editorial contacts approaching me) and so I’m really excited about developing it. Sometimes I seem to be juggling too many plates. But it means I’m never bored and I love the variety!

WAIS_ManagingConflict_Soft Back

How does my work differ from others in the genre?

I mainly write Christian non-fiction and, when I started doing so, I felt quite overwhelmed, and almost put off before I really began, because there are so many other writers out there doing a similar thing. But I think once you have found your particular voice then you simply have to go with it. Publishers and sites that are a good ‘fit’ for you will begin to recognise and appreciate it. I would say, for me, the most important thing is being true to who I am – and that includes the struggles and the mistakes. I feel I have to write about the everyday. I don’t know if sometimes I’m too honest – I always have to be careful about treading that line, especially as my husband is a pastor and a lot of those in our church read what I write, but I write to encourage others. I want them to be free to be who they are supposed to be – and us all to be honest with one another on a much deeper level.

Why do I write what I do?

I felt called by God to pursue writing as well as editing when I was heavily pregnant with my second child. Since then He has opened up doors I would never have dreamed of. I can still compare myself to those with endless book deals and huge speaking tours – but He hasn’t called me to walk their walk. That may come in time – but it may not. And I’ve got to learn to be content with that. I’m to be faithful in my own journey in life. And that’s mainly what I write about. The fact that it is so important not to be afraid to open up and be vulnerable. Helping people to realise that we truly should be in this life journey together – we all struggle and need each other to admit it so we can support one another fully.

The other thing I really enjoy doing is flagging up the work of incredible organisations and individuals who truly are changing the world. I’ve had the privilege of writing about the A21 Campaign and 28 Too Many, to name just a couple.

iwed may:june cover

How does my writing process work?

As I said, I focus as much of my work into the school hours as I can, which means I have to be extremely disciplined. That said, I’m often found scribbling on bits of paper or tapping notes into my phone if I’ve suddenly had a bit of inspiration.

Generally, though, I make myself a cuppa after the kids have been dropped to school, sit and pray at my desk, read my daily Bible notes (wow, I’m making myself sound too holy – often this is done in a real rush!) and then I tackle whatever job is to hand, whether a chapter for a book or a set of interview questions. I type quickly, getting all my thoughts down, and then go back and edit everything I’ve written. I have found it much harder to edit myself, although I do try to be ruthless. I have a conversational style, and I know it can get unwieldy at times, so I usually ask my husband to read everything I’ve written before sending it anywhere!

There are times when I’m in the middle of a writing or editing flow when it is time to pick up the children. Sometimes I just have to let that go or, if there is a deadline looming, spend time with the kids and then get back to work later in the day if time allows.

To continue this tour, I’d like to tag Anita Mathias and Katherine Baldwin to take part in next Monday’s Blog Tour (Katherine will be guest blogging on my site).