I am delighted to welcome Mel to the Unmasked: stories of authenticity blog series. Here, she gives a behind-the-scenes glimpse into some of the issues she was wrestling with while writing her latest book, Picked for a Purpose, which publishes tomorrow – congratulations Mel! It is fascinating to hear how God prompted her to include more of her own story than she had previously planned to…

Ironically, I found myself, recently, having nightmares about ‘revealing all’ in my next book, Picked for a Purpose – memoirs which my publisher had asked me to write.I’d been going through considerable pain for almost a year due to a muscle tear in my shoulder and was suffering from lack of sleep. It was during those sleepless nights that the enemy seemed to attack. When asked how I was, however, with true British grin-and-bear-it reserve, I would don my mask and reply, ‘I’m fine, thank you. There are others far worse off than me.’

I’m sure we all know what it means to wear a mask at times. At least, in theory. But what about in practice? Do you ever ask yourself, ‘Who am I?’ Do you ever wonder if the person you believe yourself to be is really you? Or is the real you eclipsed? Hidden behind a facade? Blotted out by the persona you choose to convey?

‘Don’t make comparisons!’ my physiotherapist admonished me. ‘Own your pain!’

His words were like water off a duck’s back to me. Until, that is, the nightmares deepened. 

THE MASK OF MORALITY & RESPECTABILITY 

So why the fear? There’s nothing new about my life story. My earliest books, published in 1983, had focused on specific issues in my life, the first telling the story of a difficult marriage, the second of the divorce that followed, and the third of the detrimental effect on one of my daughters. Commissions from major publishers had followed, one of which, The Last Mountain: Living with Aids, became a Sunday Times No 4 Bestseller, plus speaking events, TV appearances and radio broadcasts.

Then, in the late 1990s, my writing career went on hold when I was asked to take on the role of Copyright & Financial Manager for Jubilate Hymns – a publishing company whose work was renowned worldwide. It was a fabulous experience but, on retirement fourteen years later, the urge to return to writing was overwhelming.

Having fulfilled God’s command to me to ‘comfort others with the comfort I’d received’(from 2 Corinthians 1:3-4) in my earlier books, I now felt I was being told to ‘entertain your readers so they will absorb truths they might otherwise resist’. Crossover fiction – portraying the truths of the cross to non-believers via story – seemed the obvious answer. I was aware, however, that few people would recall my earlier work, and that I was, in effect, starting from scratch. Hence Malcolm Down’s request that I share my life experiences again.

RIPPING OFF THE MASK . . .

I set to and, on completion of the first draft, I woke early one morning with a compulsion I knew was of the Lord. Rather than simply reproducing my adult life story, I was to include the terrors of my childhood and disasters of my adolescence. I was, also, God revealed, to add reflective sections at the end of each chapter, showing what I had learned, followed with relevant questions for the reader. The aim, I felt He was telling me, was to show, through my own experience, some of the mental issues with which young people wrestle today: unspeakable health problems; poor body image; the need for love leading to immorality; fragmented families replaced by gang culture; taking on another persona; and drug addiction – all a means of escapism. In other words, the donning of a mask to hide the real self.

It was to be more than that, though. I was to show the way in which God can take these negatives and bring forth positives: the purpose for which He has picked us. Hence Picked for a Purposebecame the title, with a strapline Bearing fruit through times of hardship.

. . . AND BARING ALL

Soon afterwards, during the period when I was finding it difficult to sleep due to extreme pain in my shoulder, a comment made in jest by one of my daughters gave me nightmares.

‘Do you really want the grandkids knowing what a naughty girl grannie was?’ she asked. ‘All those comments on Facebook and Twitter?’

Now I may be a grandma, but I am perfectly au fait with modern technology. Nevertheless, it simply hadn’t occurred to me to stop and think about the possibility of negative comments – perhaps from people who had known of my earlier life – nor the of detrimental effect this might have on family and friends. It was this that was giving me nightmares!

REPLACING THE MASK WITH THE SHIELD OF FAITH

Back in the day of my earlier books, Edward England had introduced me as a ‘best-selling author’. And although I had renounced the title, clearly, in his eyes, I was perceived as a woman of status! Was I now to be seen as something less? Wrestling at night with doubt, I seriously considered throwing the whole manuscript out of the window. But God intervened! In order to counter those negative perceptions he urged me to finish the book by setting out my purpose in revealing all. Here’s what I wrote:

‘The problem is that it’s all too easy to come across as a Victim; a “poor me” inviting pity and compassion. Equally problematic . . . is the concept of conveying an image of sainthood. A “look at me and my faith – aren’t you amazed?” when the reality is that I know myself to be a sinner not a saint.’

As with my shoulder pain, my purpose in writing the book was not to make comparison between my life and that of others. Neither was it to point the finger of blame at anyone. It was simply to own the pain of my life. To strip off the mask and face the face beneath. And in doing so, to glorify God. As He instructed me, so He does you:

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Ephesians 6:14-16

That shield of faith will, surely, be more than sufficient to fend off the fear of being seen for who we are. Who we really are! Children of God. The real Me. The real You. Frail and faulty, yes, but now washed clean in the blood of Christ. No need to hide. No need for a mask.

A multi-published author since 1983, with commissions from Hodder & Stoughton plus a Sunday Times No. 4 Bestseller, Mel Menzies has written under several noms-de-plume. The first novel in the Evie Adams series, Time to Shine, also became a No. 1 Bestseller in its category on Amazon. 

An inspirational speaker, Mel has a lifetime of rich and painful experiences to draw on, including an undiagnosed congenital disease, a dumbed down childhood, divorce, debt, a daughter’s drug addiction and subsequent death.  Through her website and blog, An Author’s Look at Life www.melmenzies.co.uk, she offers resources to inform, inspire and encourage in all walks of life.