Today it is my pleasure to welcome Melissa Ohden to the Unmasked: stories of authenticity blog series. She has written about her own personal story in You Carried Me; here shares how she has learned to take of her mask and be who she was created to be.

In Life, the Truth and Being Free, author Steve Maraboli states, “Live authentically. Why would you continue to compromise something that’s beautiful to create something that is fake?” I would add to this that scripture is clear about authenticity. For example, take Ephesians 4:22-24, in which believers are called, “to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Being authentic means more than just taking up a cause, “being you” or moral relativism and the like. It’s about being honest with the world about who God made you to be, what He’s done in your life, and what He’s called you to share and do. Being authentic is beautiful, because it’s how God calls us to live. Why would we project something else to the world that’s fake, when what He makes is beautiful?

I am an abortion survivor and, although I don’t believe God originally wrote this storyline in my life, because He’s the author and creator of life, I am so thankful that this is the story He’s written in my life. This is who God made me to be! Although I’m so much more than just a survivor of a failed saline infusion abortion, the reality is that this is how I was born into this world, and this very experience has shaped who I am, my career path, my mental, emotional and physical health, my relationships with others, my relationship with God and, although it happened 41 years ago, it still continues to affect my life today.  

Although most people won’t ever know what it’s like to be an abortion survivor, we all know what it’s like to have a secret, to have an experience or life story that we feel ashamed or embarrassed about, maybe even fearful of others knowing.

That’s how a mask first gets placed on, in which you cover your authentic self, your true identity, your experiences and stories that make you uniquely you, and reflect someone else to the world. 

Maybe it’s sin you’re masking, maybe it’s a painful experience you’ve had that’s deeply shaped your life, maybe it’s your belief in God and who He made you to be that you’re trying to keep under cover.

Our world certainly reinforces this, especially when it comes to being affected by abortion in a negative way and even when it comes to being a believer and follower of Christ. Our culture communicates that we should wear a mask to cover our authentic self that may challenge it, that may make others uncomfortable. My very existence makes people uncomfortable! And it made me uncomfortable to know that years ago.
Our individual stories may look different underneath, but our masks often look surprisingly similar:

The woman who has it all together. Perfectly made up. Slaying it at work. Instagram-perfect home, marriage or dating relationship, and children. That’s a common mask.

Maybe you’re the one whose mask communicates that you don’t need anyone, you don’t care about anything. You’re aloof and could care less about the world. You don’t need anyone or anything. You’re a woman who stands alone. You don’t need God.

Or maybe you’re the woman who’s always happy. Sad, anxious, depressed? Considered ending your life because you don’t see any meaning or purpose in it? No, never you! You’re okay. You’re more than okay! You’re always happy!

There are so many different masks that we wear,and even though those around us may not realise it, I think deep down, each of us know when we’re wearing them, when we’re covering up our authenticity. I think that as women, we can also innately sense when someone else is wearing a mask, too.

 What was my mask, you may be wondering? Mine was the picture of perfection: “high achieving, people pleasing, must earn people’s love and respect and never show people my hurt”. My mask was beautiful, and firmly covered the truth about who I was.

At the heart of the matter, I was afraid of who I was, of how people would react to my story or treat me when they learned of it. The few times that I had told people my story privately after I found out about it at the age of 14 hadn’t gone well. Although close friends and classmates were supportive, others expressed their pity for me, coupled in tandem with their disdain for my personal beliefs about abortion, and even their questions about the credibility of my life story. 

The more I shared my story and people responded in that manner, the more my mask glued itself on. Maybe you can relate to that. Our masks may first be placed accidentally, but over time, they become purposely placed. We feel like we need to wear them, we must wear them, in order to survive. 

I knew God alone spared my life from abortion and I was so deeply grateful for all He’s done in my life, but I was so affected by our greater culture’s perception of me, so overcome with fear and shame, that by wearing that mask, I was holding back not only the truth about myself, but the truth about God.

Let’s think for a minute about what makes God who He is. He’s the most authentic example for us to follow. He’s merciful, His love is unfailing, He never changes. As God spoke to Moses, He is “I am”. We never have to question who He is, because we know. He never changes. God’s authenticity then bears fruit in us. Through His authenticity, we trust in Him, we love Him, we praise Him, we are confident in Him and His plans for us. Just as His authenticity bears those fruits, we reciprocate likewise in this world when we’re being our authentic selves.

Research literature tells us that living authentically, unmasked, is the key to wellbeing, purpose and even peace. Or, as scripture says, being honest about who God made us to be and what He’s done in our lives bears these fruits. While there may be some twists and turns along the way, when you live as who you really are, you find not only freedom and strength, but also the joy of giving your true talents to the world.

But how do you even do this? Where do you start, when you’ve worn the mask that hides your genuine self for years or even decades – when fear is holding you back from sharing your most authentic, but likely most complicated or painful pieces of your life? How do you share your faith with the world? How do you begin to pry that mask off?

Personally, it started by looking, honestly, at a couple of statements and their impact on me:

If you reallyknew me, you’d know this: ______. 
What is that one thing that most people don’t know about you that you’ve kept hidden? What is it that you’ve experienced that makes you, “you?”

If you really knew me, I think you would ____ me because of this.  
(Love me, hate me, judge me, not respect me as much, you wouldn’t want to be my friend, you’d feel sorry for me, etc).

Although I live an authentic life now, which enables me to be open and honest about who I am, and which has given me great strength, there was a time in my life when I was afraid to share this with anyone. I was afraid to live my life and be me. 

Years ago, I answered that second statement with the following: “If you really knew me, I think you wouldn’t accept me for who I am.” I was deeply afraid that if I was honest with the world about who I am, they wouldn’t accept me. This is a common human experience. We want to be accepted, to be loved, to be understood, to be respected. The root of this is the desire to be loved and accepted unconditionally. Can I remind you that God loves you unconditionally, and that your authentic self, your identity, comes from and is rooted in Him. This is the biggest step, I think, in living life unmasked – recognising your identity and strength truly come from God.

The more I’m honest with the world about who I am, the stronger I become. No matter what it is that you’ve experienced, no matter how scared you are of your story, or of sharing your faith, I hope that you can experience that same strength and inner peace that comes from taking off your mask and being authentically you. Be who God created you to be, and you will experience life in the most profound and beautiful way!