We had a wonderful book launch last Friday – if you missed it you can still watch it here. We were joined by Chine McDonald from Christian Aid, Lucinda and Will van der Hart, who is a founder of Mind and Soul Foundation, and Patrick and Diane Regan from Kintsugi Hope. Each of them also contributed to our book, so we were thrilled when they agreed to be a part of a panel discussing how to build resilience in our marriages.

Our friend Michaela Hyde from Marriage Foundation asked them about their own stories, and how they had developed resilience through the tough times, but also the advice they would give to couples as we begin to come out of lockdown.

Here are some of their tips, plus a few of ours added in too. These are for marriages, but actually most are just as pertinent to relationships of any kind:

Resilience is like a muscle – it can be strengthened and grown, so don’t been concerned if you don’t think you are very resilient right now.

Marriage is a like a dance – you will need to move positions, change the tempo at times – and accept the season you are in.

Don’t make any big decisions now – we have all been through so much during the pandemic, it is important to draw breath and have some space to process. 

Re-establish marriage time – if this is one of the things that has been trickier during lockdown, try and make it a priority now. Setting aside an evening a week to simply focus on your relationship is so important – and helpful.

Go gently and be kind to one another You need to be intentional about this – and recognise that you will probably be at different stages in how you are responding to coming out of lockdown.

Don’t blame one another – and forgive quickly when necessary. 

Stay connected – you may have needed to find new routines during lockdown; try to keep finding new ways of connecting with one another.

Keep the lines of communication open – and don’t expect the other to know what you are thinking/needing.

Learn to listen well – even when you have a difference of opinion – and be willing to learn from the other.

Make time to laugh together – try to find the funny side even in hard times, and do fun things together.

Be honest and open – with each other and others.

Don’t ignore problems – take time to pray about them then work through them graciously together.

Keep investing in your relationship – keep moving forward – together.

Have courage, curiosity and compassion – don’t always believe everything you think, be compassionate towards one another and yourselves, and have the courage to ask for help from others as well as God. As couples we should not be isolated islands.

If you would like to buy a copy of Grace-Filled Marriage, you can do so here.