Category: Being a woman

Enough already!!

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Okay, firstly I have to start with an apology. I started this blog with the intention of writing in it regularly. But, over the summer, I made a conscious effort to spend quality time with my kids and pare back my work, only focusing on it for short, intense bursts (such as when they went to stay with my parents). I have to say it was definitely the right decision – I had some brilliant times with the kids and it made me feel I had brought back some balance into family life. But this blog has suffered as a result. It can be hard to get back into the habit of writing it – particularly now I have less time to work each day due to fitting in 3 school runs. But anyway, enough of that – I’m back to write about the things I ponder about and mull over day by day…

Today’s title is referring to the ‘noise’ we all live with. On Saturday I had the privilege of attending a day of a ‘healing prayer school’. I think I went with some preconceived ideas about what the day would involve, and I was totally wrong! 😉  I spend a lot of time with people who are hurting and broken in our church, and sometimes feel totally out of my depth (a good way to learn to cling to God!), and I hoped the day would give me clear instructions on how to approach various ways of counselling people biblically. The day didn’t really go like that – after each short section of teaching the speaker then invited people she felt needed a particular type of emotional healing to stand up and they were ministered to there and then. While at times it made me feel like a spectator, what I was struck by was how much she had heard God – and how quietly she stood there and listened to Him and then directed the team who was working alongside her. It was obvious that she was really connected to God, really understanding who He wanted to touch that day and what He wanted the team to do to aid that process. I long to hear more from God but know that I need to slow down in order to do so. It’s all about practising the presence of God – going to that quiet, calm place where we can actually listen to God as well as talk ‘to’ (in reality ‘at’!) Him.

I have to constantly remind myself that I can only do so much with my writing at this time, as my primary calling is to be the best mum I can be to our young children. And yet it is hard not to get swept up into the Twitter frenzy, especially all the Christian debates etc that go on. I can compare myself to others who write for Christian publications and be very conscious that I don’t have pithy soundbites coming out of my fingertips, being launched into the Twittersphere, constantly. It can make me feel lacking in some way and, on my worst days, makes me surmise that I will never get to write for a certain editor’s magazine because I don’t tweet like they do. However, I have been doing some research for a piece I am writing about the pressures that face 18–30 year old Christian women. To help me with this, I created a questionnaire and some of the answers I have received have been very revealing. I didn’t expect that age group, those that seem to embrace social media to its full, to say this, but three-quarters of them indicated that at times they feel totally overwhelmed by the information that is thrown at them via the media, Twitter and Facebook. I had to admit that I found that quite refreshing! And, even today, Vicky Beeching tweeted that new research indicates it is possible to be too connected in this digital age, giving a link to a survey about how social media can distract at work. Apparently workers are interrupted, on average, every 10.5 minutes, and it takes them 23 minutes to get back to their original task. The stats they cite are staggering: there are more than 1 billion posts added to Facebook each day, 62 billion emails sent daily and 400 million tweets. At the bottom of the page I found it very interesting that it asks, ‘How often do you unplug?’.

Having spent the summer not following things so closely online I can say that I don’t feel so hooked at all – somehow it doesn’t seem so important. I realise now that, rather than trying to keep up with the Tweeting crowd as it were, I need to draw closer to God and hear what He wants to reveal to me, to learn what He wants me to write about – rather than regurgitating clever ideas I may have heard elsewhere or trying to gain inspiration for myself through them so that I am somehow keeping up with the ‘in’ subjects in Christian circles. Sometimes I truly don’t understand how certain people have the time to do it all – but then they are in full-time Christian media work and I’m a full-time mum with only a few hours a day given over to working at the moment. What is true for all of us, whatever our situation, is that we have a responsibility to ensure our voice is authentic to who we are. So I’m going to leave you with the same question: how often do you unplug – from whatever it is that distracts you, be it the internet, TV or even an unhealthy obsession or habit, to make sure you are still in step with God, walking closely with Him? If you haven’t heard Him speak to you recently why not try saying the following: ‘Enough! I will silence everything that is crowding me, vying for my attention, long enough to connect with God each and every day.’

Women in worship

At the end of last year I had the privilege of putting together an article on women in worship for Woman Alive, which has just been published. As a worship leader myself, who is definitely in the minority as a woman amongst a male-dominated worship team, this is definitely a subject that is on my heart. I was in contact with some great worship leaders that I’m sure you will recognise. I’ve pasted the images of the article below, but they can also be found on the page of my site that includes other examples of my work: writing. As I know there are many women out there who need an extra boost of encouragement to carry on going I am hoping to develop this idea further. So I’d love to hear from any other female worship leaders about your experiences – and also from any women in local congregations. What is your experience of sung worship at your church? I hope and pray that all your giftings are encouraged and given space to be expressed 🙂

In pursuit of honesty

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I had a real treat last night. I entered a competition to win free tickets to see Amy Grant – I didn’t expect to win, nor had I, in all honesty, listened to her music in recent years. But I grew up with it being blasted from my sister’s room and thought it would be great to hear where she is at now. So, accompanied by a good friend from church, off I travelled to Union Chapel in Islington. The venue was cosy and really atmospheric – a beautiful old church. I didn’t know anything about the gig really, so didn’t realise it was a stripped back acoustic set. Some musicians casually appeared and I thought perhaps they were the support act – but then Amy gracefully walked on stage. I was blown away by how little she’s changed – after 5 kids and at the age of 51 she looks absolutely amazing – and beautiful. And her new songs were really chilled and a mixture of bluesy/country/folky.

What I really loved, though, was her honesty and openness. After a while she asked people to shout out songs they wanted her to play. Some she hadn’t sung for over 20 years and she struggled a little with some chord arrangements/remembering a few lyrics but it was okay – she was honest about that and it just made it even more like we were party to an intimate gathering of friends jamming at that point.

The main thing that struck me was how raw, and how honest the whole evening was. Her songwriting has always told stories but hearing the true stories behind a lot of the songs was amazing – and gut wrenching at times. And even though she looks great, it is obvious that, like all of us, she’s lived through the good and bad – but refreshingly isn’t scared of letting that show. And of saying how much she needs the good friends and family who will be honest with her around her at all times.

After a particularly difficult time in my own life God really pushed me to be honest about where I was at, to help pull down the masks that we all seem to wear in Christian circles. I fought it for a while, as it was draining to be the only one doing it, but now my husband might say I’m sometimes too honest with the amount I share! 😉 The point is, I can always sense when I am in the presence of someone else who isn’t scared to let their mask down and be who they really are, and comment on life as it really is. Aside from the trips down memory lane, as I realised I knew a lot of the lyrics to her songs off by heart,  I felt privileged to share an evening with an honest soul who bares so much in her songs. She may have started out as a teenager, but she still has a deep joy about singing from her heart and she definitely had a profound affect on me last night. And it gave me fresh hope as I dwelt on the fact that most of the Christian musicians I’ve interviewed recently have also been really honest and had great depth to them. That is what it should be like – Christians pursuing honesty and integrity and supporting one another in love. That’s what the early Church was like – do you have those kinds of relationships in which you can bare all and expect total honesty, laced with grace, in return?

Gender-specific teaching in services?

I had a really interesting chat with someone just over a week ago. I was interviewing Carl Beech for the new website I write for daily – www.christian.co.uk. I had worked with him recently, editing a new set of bible study notes for guys, so I knew a little about him – and that our conversation should make for an interesting article! 😉 He was talking about the various elements to our Sunday morning meetings that guys can struggle with (okay there were a fair few generalisations and assumptions made, but that is necessary in such a short space) and I found myself agreeing with most (but not quite all – I am an individual after all!) ;D of what he said. He talked about the language of our worship songs – which fascinates me because I am a worship leader. But the issue that has got me pondering most is the teaching styles within our Sunday morning meetings.

“Most blokes think they are experts in everything. They have an opinion on just about everything and yet are forced to sit through a monologue preach. We can come out with brilliantly biblical teaching but the guys are thinking ‘what does that mean for me? I’ve got to make someone redundant on Mon – how does it practically relate to me?’

“I realise this wouldn’t be possible for every sermon but there is a place for seminars, gender-specific teaching, topical stuff that will get people going – I use these approaches and never fail to create a response.”

Now this is something I have never considered. We have been part of the leadership team of our church since it was a tiny church plant, and have spent a long time discussing and planning our Sunday mornings as we believe they are our shop window as it were – showcasing what we are about and the elements that are most important to us. It would be a really radical step to sometimes split into male and female groups to listen and engage with teaching specific to our gender. I’m not sure we would do it on a Sunday morning, as there are considerations such as what visitors would do (could it make them feel uncomfortable?), what about the people that really hate splitting into gender-specific groups (and believe me they are out there – I used to be one of them!). But to dismiss the idea offhand would be a little foolhardy.

Our church has regular guys breakfasts, during which the men enjoy some hearty grub and the chance to chat just as guys together. And our women have just enjoyed a ladies day in which we had lunch and then one of our own women spoke. It was as I looked around during the two ministry times during that day that I realised how much more open the women were being in this female-only environment. I guess they must have felt more at ease, and better able to share their struggles and emotions in a ‘safe place’ with other women. While we don’t all have the same background (some are married, others single, some have children, others not etc) there is a certain level of shared experience and that did allow us to go deeper than we often do on a Sunday morning.

Whether the Sunday morning meeting is the place for gender-specific teaching and experiences I’m still not sure but I’m certainly still thinking about it ten days on from speaking to Carl! What do you think?

(For a look at the full interview with Carl Beech please click here.)

Taking the time to be grateful

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This week is half term for us. It should be a manic time, with me juggling my workload with two exuberant children who want to get out and do things. But yesterday my kids were picked up to have a little ‘holiday’ with my parents. They were so excited – and secretly I was very relieved as I have a huge pile of work to get through. I know there are probably loads of you out there that would do anything to have a bit of time to yourselves, and that is how I feel quite often too. However, this morning I’m totally on my own – my husband was out for a breakfast meeting before I got up so, for the first time in years, I’ve got ready and had breakfast on my own. And, to be honest, it’s been quite hard. I have a pull on my heart, as it feels like there is something missing. I’ve been singing worship songs at the top of my voice to stop feeling lonely. Now I know this will pass as soon as I get my head down and get on with work, but I just felt that I needed to stop and let myself really experience how I’m currently feeling rather than rushing on. God seemed to be nudging me while I was preparing breakfast. We are embarking on the HTB Worship Central course tonight with our worship team, so I am speaking all about how central worship is. I’ve been looking at how worship is what we were made for – but when I started feeling the pangs of missing my children this morning God spoke to my heart in a way I wasn’t expecting. He simply whispered a reminder that that is how I should feel whenever I don’t get a chance to speak to Him. It really challenged me as I thought of how busy I normally am each morning – how I rush from one thing to another and often don’t even notice that I’ve not started the day connecting with Him. I hope I can remember this pang for a long time, and what it stands for.

It is true that often it isn’t until we don’t have something, or someone, that we realise how much it/they mean(s) to us. Having had a few weeks of my children being ill and still trying to keep on top of my deadlines, I was really looking forward to a few days of being able to get on with work without interrruption. I am still exceedingly grateful for the time my parents have graciously given me this week, but being apart from my children is making me realise how much I miss them, and how grateful I am to God for them. I am desperate to hold them, to tell them I love them, to play their silly games that often drive me insane – and they’ve only been gone one night! But it wasn’t until they went away that I felt the full force of how I feel about them – and I am quite overwhelmed. I think God longs for us to slow down and take stock regularly – to actually be calm enough to take in our surroundings and learn to live with a heart of gratitude, being thankful for what He’s given us – but mostly for His presence with us day by day.

A friend of mine started the year challenging the group of mums we meet up with to keep a thankfulness diary – to write down at least 5 things we are thankful for every day. I started off very diligently, and found that doing it at my desk just before I started working really lifted my spirit and helped me to view my day differently. It gave me positive eyes as I looked for the good in things, rather than getting bogged down straight away. I wonder – how do you make the time to be grateful?

A source of inspiration

I have spent the last week or so learning about, and interviewing, a woman who has totally inspired me. I suddenly realised it has been quite a long time since somebody has been an inspiration to me, and I like the resulting determination and fresh vision I have gained from the experience! 😉

So let me tell you about the woman who has inspired me. Julia Immonen seems like just an ordinary woman – but with extraordinary passion and, yes, determination. She certainly makes things happen. Since learning the horrifying truths of human trafficking, she set up her own charity Sports Against Trafficking in order to use sport in a positive way to raise awareness on this important issue. And the last 18 months have been spent making the idea of a Row For Freedom crew a reality. As part of that all-female rowing crew (only 1 of which had any previous rowing equipment – can you believe that?!) what has she just gone and done? Only broken 2 world records by rowing across the Atlantic Ocean! What an incredible feat of endurance, determination and grit for the whole team. Totally inspirational (especially as I really don’t have a sporty bone in my body so cannot comprehend doing such a thing!). I had the privilege of talking to Julia when they were still on the ocean. What impressed me was the attitude the whole team had towards what they suffered – and suffer they did. So much of their machinery broke down, and they all had terrible sea sickness to start with then grappled with sores and crippling cramp. But when they found things difficult they just remembered the victims of trafficking and found the strength to keep going.

I was also inspired by something else Julia told me. She said that being on that ocean stripped her of everything, and she was able to see what her faith was really made of. And now, with so many great ideas and plans for future campaigns etc, she told me that she doesn’t want to do anything but that which God has called her to do. What a great plumb line that we can often forget amongst the busy-ness of life. Am I doing only what God has told me to do, or have I filled up my time with so much stuff that God’s voice can’t be heard over the din of activity?

If you want to find out more about Row For Freedom’s world record crossing please take a look at my article for the Evangelical Alliance here. And watch this space – I am planning on writing about their achievements, and the issue of human trafficking, a whole lot more!

Is He getting through to you?

I have become uncomfortably aware that God is obviously trying to get through to me, and using any means possible because I haven’t been listening too well recently. Everywhere I’ve looked, through conversations I’ve had – and even in my kids’ toddler bible notes – I’ve been hit with the story of Martha and Mary again, in particular of being too busy to hear God. Throw in some comments on keeping a lid on those careless words that can come out of our mouths so easily and that about sums up the simple, but exceedingly important, message He’s been trying to get me to listen to. A horrific morning with my kids (while my husband enjoyed a church men’s breakfast of course!) really brought things to a head – I found myself screaming at my daughter and then breaking down and I realised the way I handle my kids when they push all my buttons is not healthy in the slightest. After we’d worked through it, I’d said my sorry and they’d apologised for the things they’d done wrong we sat down for a late breakfast and yes, that’s when the Martha/Mary story appeared again. I can find it quite ironic now my writing work has picked up, that I’m writing pieces about spiritual disciplines/prioritising so God isn’t pushed out and yet I’m getting less and less time to spend with Him myself. Surely He’s the source of everything – where all my ideas and creativity should be coming from. And yet… trying to keep up with all the news, online debates and deadlines means He often gets pushed to the back, becoming a spectator in my life rather than the driving force behind it. I am fascinated by some of the really huge debates that people have been grappling with recently – and they have certainly made me think (particularly when I don’t think I have a coherent enough answer in my head for why I don’t agree with some of the postings). But I have this little voice nudging at me every so often, making me realise that to be able to say anything of worth both in these debates and in my writing I need to take a step back and mull things over with God Himself. It is crazy that sometimes I feel like I just don’t have the time to do that – but that’s honestly what has gone through my head at times. This week I read Jill Briscoe’s comments about how hard it was when her kids were young and Stuart was travelling so much – and about how bitter she got. And that resonated with me. Not because my husband is away from home – the positive difference it has made to our family life with him becoming a pastor rather than sticking with his record producing career has been incredible. But I can get fed up and, yes, bitter at times when I see others being able to go to conferences at the drop of a hat, being able to network more than I can yet and also when my husband can just focus on one thing and shut everything else out when my office door always has to be open to our kids whatever deadline I am up against. And yet this is my life, my path – the things I believe God has called me to. So why can’t I learn to stop fretting and trying to do it all in my own strength and spend a little time drawing aside with God so that He can give me the grace – and everything else I need – to do it to the best of my ability?

Entering an office again…

Next week I have the privilege of commencing a month’s work with Idea magazine as a consultant writer for them. For the first week I will be in-house every day learning the ropes, meeting everyone etc and after that will go in for meetings and when I can (as obviously I have little people to look after at home after school/pre-school!). I was really pleased when I was asked months ago if I would like to do this, and that feeling hasn’t changed – I’ve just experienced a few others alongside it! I was fine up until the point that my husband asked if I was nervous. I have been so busy finishing off editorial jobs, continuing research for articles due in January and trying to get on top of all the Christmas and birthday shopping that I hadn’t stopped to think. But when I was asked head on the answer had to be yes. It didn’t help when he said he would be petrified – having to meet all those new people, work in an office and ‘perform’ as it were – be enthusiastic, forthcoming with ideas, creative etc. I guess that is all on my mind – mainly because I want to be the help they obviously need for this month, and want to do my best/make a good impression etc. But after almost 12 years of working from home I wonder how I will fit into the office environment again. Part of me is really looking forward to the commute – to having time to myself to read and ponder (all you mums out there will know what precious little time there is for that these days…). Another part is having to gear myself up for the hour’s journey before I can sit down and do any work – I’m so used to a 30-second commute to my office! And I’m wondering how it will impact my relationship with my kids over the next month. I know I was over stressed finishing off the last job I did, and trying to do that at a weekend with all the family in the house was really really hard. But knowing I will be leaving the house before they are even dressed and only getting back at dinner time is going to be so so strange. I am going to try and ensure I am back to eat with them and do bath time and bed time stories but it is still going to be so far from the norm it will seem weird. I know I can struggle and moan about the difficult juggling act I have trying to fit in working around taking and picking up kids from school, going to playgroups, taking my eldest to ballet and the various church responsibilities I have, but I do realise I am so blessed to be able to work part time from home and still be there to do all those things. I am hoping to learn more about what it is like for the majority of working mums this week, so that when I do write about that juggling act I don’t say things that are patronising. I know I have it much easier than many others – but that’s not to say it’s not a challenge. And this month will be a new and different type of challenge. I have so enjoyed the opportunities God has opened up for me this year, and it is great to use my brain again to converse on a professional level with adults rather than simply take part in child activities. I just hope my brain is up to the change in ratio between those two things! ;D

 

The wisdom of the ages

Life has been hectic to say the least – hence my lack of posts recently. But something occurred that has drawn me back to writing here again. Since school went back my eldest – my daughter – has been having great fun, and doing brilliantly, but her attitude at home has been really difficult for me to deal with. Her homework is harder – she is doing so well with her reading her books are really long now – and now she is over the initial excitement of getting more grown up books she seems to lose interest quickly because she is tired. It doesn’t help that her brother is either crawling all over both of us or crying at reading time! But this morning she totally lost it. Her world seemed to fall apart because she looked in her lunch box and told me I had given her too much to eat. I couldn’t believe it – I thought I’d made her a lovely lunch. So, feeling a little hurt already, I asked her what the problem was. I was met by a torrent of tears. Eventually I was told she only has 14 seconds to eat lunch – to which I snapped back she was now being silly. Apparently one of her friends talks to her all the time and demands answers so she feels like she doesn’t have enough time to eat, and she has a lot left when they are told to eat up because it is almost time to leave. It seems like such a simple, ridiculous situation – but to her, a six year old, it is a disaster that she is struggling to cope with. There is the social element – they are still working out friendship dynamics and all of them seem to be lacking the understanding that they need to wait for each other to speak and listen nicely (and they crowd one another) – but it also made me realise however confident she now seems she is still a shy little girl.

It is worship practise tonight – and last time we finished early so I asked everyone to pray with each other. What followed was a wonderful time mainly focusing on my family – praying for our protection as we are one of the pastors’ family plus I was leading worship that week. Someone spoke wisdom and grace over us – particularly over the difficulties we’d been facing with our daughter – and it suddenly struck me that Grace is her middle name. And yet I’d been forgetting to speak and pray that over her. That is what the situation needed – God’s grace! And it still does. She left for school this morning and I crumpled and cried out to God that I didn’t know how to deal with her anymore. But I know who does. And I’m going to keep calling on the wisdom of the ages, and asking Him to impart some of that to me so I know how to do my daughter good, and encourage her to be loving, open and honest when at home, as well as at school. I know it won’t be easy, but recognising I can’t do it in my own strength and asking for His help is a big step forward. So, whatever difficulty you are facing today the wisdom of the ages is what you need too – don’t forget to call on Him.

A chance to slow down

I know I haven’t written here for a while, and that is because life was much more manic over the school holidays than I was expecting. It has been wonderful to have much more writing and editorial work – things have really picked up – but trying to juggle that as well as the kids being home all the time has been difficult. I know there have been times when I have been short-tempered, stressed up to my eye balls and the hard part is when you know you have a deadline there isn’t much you can do – the work needs to be done. The reason I started working again was threefold really – I had felt God told me to start writing more and then some opportunities suddenly arose, since the recession we have definitely needed some extra input financially, and I have also really enjoyed concentrating on something other than kids’ stuff. Part of me is definitely fulfilled by all this – and I know I am meant to be doing it. But not at the expense of my kids and that’s been a really difficult thing to try and balance.

I noticed particularly on holiday that things had been pretty askew. I had piously posted on someone else’s site that I was so looking forward to my holiday as I usually have a chance to really spend time journalling and talking with God about those things I hadn’t had time to in the previous busy months. But, of course, that didn’t happen this time round. We were at a wonderful place, but didn’t spend too much time there as we had full days out and about. What I did really enjoy was the focused time with my kids, doing all the fun things we had saved up our tesco vouchers to pay for! And I realised that when I came back I wanted to be able to put things more in balance.

I can’t pretend that I’ve worked out the answer – it has really appeared itself due to my son’s age. But this week he started pre-school and I have made a real effort to work hard in the few hours of the day he isn’t here, and stopped trying to loads of other things when the kids are back around and instead have taken time to do activities with them. So far we’ve had worship parties (dancing about like crazy people and singing at the tops of our voices), pretended a duvet is our home and snuggled under it for ages and made wooden dolls. I don’t know if I’ll be able to compartmentalise my life so neatly throughout the year – I’m sure there will be times of extra work busyness – but I’m so grateful for the chance to slow down and at least try to start the term off in the way I hope to continue…