A pioneering woman, pt 7: Brighton and beyond

Here is the final part of my interview with Wendy Virgo.

In July Newfrontiers hosted their final International Leaders Conference in Brighton. This conference has been significant in shaping the direction of the movement in recent years. Why is it stopping, and will anything take its place?

Terry is now in his 70s and it is obvious that he cannot continue to lead indefinitely. Over the last 3 years a lot of thought and prayer has gone into making decisions about what happens next. Gradually the conviction has come from God that we should no longer be thinking in terms of one overall leader. In fact it has become obvious for some considerable time that other people are emerging with apostolic gifting. It is now time for them to develop their own spheres of ministry. (This may well include conferences in their different locations.) We are very happy about this as it means multiplication of churches globally. We hope and pray that they will retain the brotherly love and comradeship that we have enjoyed over several decades under the banner of Newfrontiers, although it may look different.

What is next for you – as a couple but also as an individual?

Downsizing to a smaller house and joining King’s Church in Kingston upon Thames. Terry will not be an elder there, but we look forward to being part of the church family. Kingston is close to Gatwick and Heathrow and many opportunities are opening for Terry to interact with other church networks so it will be a good base! His friendship is increasing with leaders like Mark Driscoll, John Piper, Bob Roberts and others in the USA and indeed with networks in other continents. It will also be interesting to be nearer to London. I hope to continue writing too, and in fact have been persuaded to start a blog!

Do check out Wendy’s blog, which includes an entry on her own reflections about the leadership conference.

A pioneering woman, pt 6

Here is the next part of my interview with Wendy Virgo.

I know you had a challenging period in your life with a son who was rebelling against your beliefs. How did you hold fast during that time?

This is often a matter of heartache to godly parents, and we experienced a very painful period of about five years when one of our sons who had been a bright Christian as a young boy wandered far from God in his teens. He got among other young men who influenced him badly and began to drink to excess and take drugs. It was as if a pane of glass came between us: he could see us, but not hear what we were saying! Communication was very difficult. He made bad choices and became distant, unresponsive and miserable.

What held us fast in those days were the promises of God. We had prophetic promises and Bible verses that we regularly declared in prayer. We had times of fasting, we prayed in tongues, we prayed in English, we refused to believe that the enemy would win! And one day, he had an encounter with the Lord that changed everything…

I had been engaging in an intense time of prayer and fasting for a few days. One morning he stumbled out of his room and said, “God has been speaking to me all night!” He went off to work, only to phone me in tears during the morning to say that, suddenly an old song, “Thank you for the cross” had come to mind. As he hummed it quietly, suddenly the presence of God fell upon him and he was completely overwhelmed by His love. God brought him back to Himself and restored him and healed him. He went on to university where he got a good degree in history, and subsequently became a pastor.

A pioneering woman, pt 5: women leaders

Wendy Virgo on women as leaders:

Within evangelical circles Newfrontiers is often labelled as being the movement who won’t let women be leaders. How would you respond to that label?

We have always been very diligent to discern what is a biblical way of conducting life in our churches. It has not always been comfortable, and this particular issue has often been completely misunderstood. The reality is that we probably have more women active in our churches, and also involved in leadership, than in most others. Other churches can have a very limited idea of leadership. They may have one pastor or a small team of deacons or leaders who do everything. From very early on, we discovered that the church is the Body of Christ with every member finding their gift and playing their part. So we encouraged everyone, men and women, to pray, prophesy, lead in singing, read scripture, share a testimony or vision and heal the sick when we came together on a Sunday or midweek.

Women in Newfrontiers churches lead worship, baptise new Christians, hand round communion, pray publicly, prophesy, teach, train counsellors, preach, run Alpha, steward, heal the sick, cast out demons, witness in the streets, administrate conferences…in fact everything men can do, so do they! But because we see in the Bible that overall responsibility both in the church and in the home has been designated by God to men, we do not have women elders.

The Bible shows that men and women are made in the image of God. That means that masculinity and femininity came out from God. Both express something of God, and have equal value. There is also order in the Godhead; the Son eternally submits to the Father, but is of equal worth. So also wives are of equal worth to their husbands, but honour them by godly submission. In turn, husbands are to lay down their lives for their wives, as Christ did for the church.

 

Are you ‘abiding’?

Last week’s sermon included the passage that was my favourite when I was growing up – John 15, the vine and the branches. One phrase kept cropping up on Sunday – ‘Abide in me’. I haven’t been able to shake it so far this week, and I think it may be because it is a lesson I need to relearn. So what does it mean to abide? I looked up some online dictionary definitions and I really like some of the words Brainy Quote uses to describe ‘abide’:

‘To wait; to pause; to delay. To stay; to continue in a place; to have one’s abode; to dwell; to sojourn; to remain stable or fixed in some state or condition; to continue; to remain; to wait for; to be prepared for; to await; to watch for; to endure; to sustain; to submit to.’

Wow. There’s a lot to digest in there. And I think the overriding sense is of taking your time, making space and waiting to hear from God. To linger with Him rather than ticking off time spent with Him as another job done successfully before rushing onto the next one. To truly abide in Him, which is how the Scriptures say we bear fruit as Christians, we need to open ourselves up to Him constantly – wherever we are and whatever we are doing. Now, as a mum of two small kids I have certainly learned the art of talking to God while doing a hundred and one other things. And I think that’s what He likes – He wants to interact with us in all our ‘daily doings’. But I also think it is important to draw aside and come before Him quietly each day. Our lives are so full of ‘noise’ and ‘stuff’ that we can be totally distracted even when we are supposedly communing with God! And He very rarely shouts at us – His is that still, small voice. How are we supposed to hear it when it is being crowded out by everything else? When did you last hear it? I have been really challenged by the fact that I am now writing and editing for Christian publications, so am spending more time in the Word and studying than I have done since the kids were born, and yet the craziness of my schedule means I don’t feel like I have connected with God intimately for a little while. I think the words ‘Abide in me’ are a gentle nudge to me that He’s missing me. How about you? Is He missing you too?

A pioneering woman, pt 2

The second part of my interview with Wendy Virgo:

How did you juggle supporting your husband and being involved in ministry while you raised such a large family? What were the biggest challenges?

Very early in our marriage, Terry and I redefined what we meant by “ministry”. Everything in our lives was to be seen as under the umbrella of serving God; there was no distinction between “sacred” and “secular”. So my ministry to God included loving and supporting my husband, loving and training my children and creating a godly and peaceful home and all the domestic activities involved in that. It also included praying, worshipping, seeking God for gifts of the Spirit and teaching and encouraging others. So as it was all ministry, I didn’t feel I was having to juggle home and ministry! But I did have to fight for time to study and pray, and I learned to pray while I was doing other things.

I found there were seasons in life, so that consistent times of prayer and Bible study were difficult after the birth of a new baby in the period of night feeds. I had to learn to talk to God while I was ironing or driving to the supermarket. There wasn’t much time for reading so I would learn to “feed” on a few verses of scripture. I also drew strength from being with others in prayer times etc. A young mum can feel very alone, so it is important to make time to meet with others.

As you said above that you had to fight for time to study and pray, could you share what you have found most useful for your own personal devotional times?

I have used different methods of personal study over the years. Sometimes I have followed a year plan; sometimes used daily notes. (I actually write for CWR’s excellent “Inspiring Women Every Day” series). I particularly like using the Bible Speaks Today series of commentaries edited by John Stott. I prefer to work through a book of the Bible rather than to jump about. That way you get a much more in depth understanding of the development of Biblical truth than if you just hop from one topic to another…although topical study can also have its place.

As the children grew up of course, the rhythm of life kept changing and now Terry and I are in the happy season of being able to pray together every day, which we really love!

A pioneering woman, pt 1

Wendy Virgo has always had a pioneering spirit. She married Terry in 1968 and they moved to a small town on the south coast called Seaford. At that stage, they had no idea that eventually the work that began there would spread to hundreds of churches in 60 nations around the world. I had the privilege of interviewing Wendy Virgo in the run up to the last Newfrontiers International Brighton Leaders’ Conference. I asked her about various different points in their lives, and what lessons she has learned. (Adrian Warnock has kindly agreed to post the first three parts of this interview on his own site as a guest blog. If you haven’t checked out his site before, make sure you do as it is brilliant! www.adrianwarnock.com.)

I believe you met Terry at Bible college, and both had a strong desire to follow after God with all your hearts – did you ever imagine to what extent He would use your giftings?

At London Bible College, (now London School of Theology) Terry received a call from God that originated in 1 Chronicles to “build a house for God”. Recently baptised in the Spirit, he observed that in many of the contemporary churches there was no room for the things of the Spirit, or even a sense of the presence of God, though there was often good preaching. He began to long for something nearer to what he perceived in the New Testament early church. We began to seek God for gifts of the Spirit and gradually realised that such gifts are for the building up of the Body of Christ. We were unconsciously laying foundations in church life that attracted people who were hungry for more. We had no idea that this would lead on to church planting, let alone across the nations. We only had ambitions at that time for our own local church.

You are a spiritual mother to many – have you had someone who has been a spiritual mother to you?

My own mother was a very godly woman, and probably the most influential woman in my life. She loved the Bible and was a very prayerful person. She taught me and my sisters to pray about everything: every decision, every relationship, big things and small. I watched her submit her life daily to Christ. When I married and moved away, I really missed the availability of an older woman to guide me. One day while praying in desperation, God spoke to me clearly. “There are many women in the Bible: you can learn from them.” That’s when I began a systematic study of women in the Bible.

Man I thought I was over this…

This week I have been struggling a little with self-pity syndrome. Silly I know – distasteful to me too, and really rather annoying because I know part of it is due to the change in my emotions that occur with the monthly shift of hormone levels too. I spend a fair amount of time with women younger than me, in a friendship capacity but also a discipleship one. And I find time and time again that it is the issue of a poor self-image that crops up. It just seems to be rife among young Christian women. I can understand why, given the way our culture and media bombard us with images that, rather than ‘doing their job’ and encouraging us to aspire to be like the women pictured, belittle us and make us feel somehow of less worth than others. I am glad that we don’t all rush out to spend money on trying to be like those photoshopped models, but nevertheless those images do take their toll. I know I have had to fight to fill my mind with the knowledge of who I am in Christ, of how he sees me, but I confess since having two children and speeding ever closer to the big 40, being around younger women, or those supermums who have managed to have kids and still retain no ounce of fat on their bodies, does make me ashamed of my physical body at times.

But it isn’t just the physical. Sometimes I feel like a waste of space. I know that may come as a surprise to some, but I am still, at heart, a pretty shy person. I have to work hard to push myself through the barrier of wanting to just hide in a corner. I have worked particularly hard at it in church – just as well really as people do not expect a pastor’s wife to hide! Having lots of useful jobs helps – behind the scenes ones are my most comfortable but I am also happy leading worship and talking up the front now. However, put me in a situation that is fairly new to me, or where I am surrounded by much louder, more confident people, and I seem to shrivel a little. My natural instinct is to close down – especially if I try to speak up but someone louder speaks over me.

The reason for this week’s struggle is the age-old playground scenario. My daughter has a lovely bunch of friends, and the mums are nice too. However I am one of the quieter ones, and I can be ignored or overlooked at times. For the second time in recent weeks my daughter was one of the few not invited back to a friend’s house (actually this week she was the only one) and I was really upset for her. On top of that I learned that while I had been away last week they had arranged a group collection for the teachers and not included me. I thought I’d make a special effort and invite them all back after the kids break up on Friday, but one by one they texted back to say they had already arranged to go to the park. I really wished I hadn’t bothered at that point. Now my sensible hat knows that one of the mums knew I had bought a little something for the teachers already, so may have thought I didn’t need to be asked about the collection. And I also realise that I don’t always do the dropping off to school as my husband works nearby, so I probably just wasn’t around when they arranged the park. I don’t know if it is my ego, or my insecurity, but my reaction inside was to think that it isn’t that hard to think about who is missing from the group and send a quick text. So I immediately began to spiral and think that they obviously don’t think that much of me. My lack of worth was further emphasised to me when I read that two other writers were in the middle of writing for a publication that doesn’t seem to want me.

I’m not in the best place today, but I have been working hard to remind myself of who I am, of who loves me – and that it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things! Even writing it down makes it seem rather petty – a bit silly – and yet, being honest to myself – and you – shows me that it has affected me this week.

It is hard when something you thought you had worked hard to conquer comes and seems to overtake you again – but I guess it is a good reminder that I can’t do things in my own strength so need to press into God more. He is the source of my life, goodness, sense of worth etc. Yes I feel sheepishly humbled – yet again – but at least it has reminded me that without him I can do nothing!