Category: Discipleship

Dying from hunger in a world of more than enough

Last week saw the launch of the Enough Food for Everyone IF campaign, which is something that I hope as many of us as possible from the Church will get involved in. I asked Chine Mbubaegbu, who was at the event, to write a guest post…

Photo by Tim Whitby/Getty Images ForIF, © 2013 Getty Images

Photo by Tim Whitby/Getty Images For
IF, © 2013 Getty Images

I was sure I had misheard.

Standing on stage in front of hundreds gathered at Somerset House last Wednesday evening, Love Actually star Bill Nighy said that two million children die a year because they don’t have enough food to eat.

Two million?

My mind couldn’t quite comprehend the figure.

Did he say two million?

That’s two million beautiful children who never grow up. Two million children whose short lives are made up of days filled with pangs of hunger. Two million children. Every year.

They die because they don’t have that most basic of human needs: food. And it’s not just children. Men and women are also literally dying of hunger.

But it’s not like there’s not enough food to go round. The Western world wastes so much food. The amount of food I must throw away would be enough to keep people alive. Which makes these statistics seem even more sickening.

We all remember being guilt tripped by our parents when we didn’t clear our plates as children. “Think about the poor children in Africa.”

And I recall thinking that me refusing to eat the peas (still, yuck) on my plate would have little impact on the “poor children”, so I’d rather not eat them thank you very much. It seemed like we couldn’t do anything about it anyway.

But now, the launch of the Enough Food for Everyone IF campaign, says that we can. The campaign is thought to be the biggest of its kind, with more than 100 development agencies and faith groups coming together to campaign for action on global hunger.

It challenges the prime minister to tackle four big IFs to help there to be enough food for everyone:

  • IF we stop poor farmers being forced off their land, and use the available agricultural land to grow food for people, not biofuels for cars.
  • IF governments keep their promises on aid, invest to stop children dying from malnutrition and help the poorest people feed themselves through investment in small farmers.
  • IF governments close loopholes to stop big companies dodging tax in poor countries, so that millions of people can free themselves from hunger.
  • IF we force governments and investors to be honest and open about the deals they make in the poorest countries that stop people getting enough food.

One by one, celebrities from all over the world (One Direction, Bill Gates, David Harewood and Edith off of Downton Abbey) took to the stage or appeared as if by magic on the video projection at Somerset House; each pleading with us to support the campaign.

Everyone loves a celebrity spot. And in the world we live in, getting celebrities on board means people will listen, you’ll get lots of media attention and probably more support for your campaign. It’s a shame the “two million children dying a year” statistic wasn’t enough to wake the world up to this injustice. It was enough for me.

Chine profileChine Mbubaegbu is Editor at the Evangelical Alliance,
including idea magazine and threads (voted best Christian blog at the Christian New Media Awards).

Taking time out

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Yet again there’s been a good few weeks between my posts. Before Christmas I was frantically trying to finish work off so that I could take a complete break, and since the kids went back to school I’ve been busy again catching up with work. But I look back to the Christmas period with really fond memories. It was a time of relaxation in which I purposefully stayed away from my computer. The way that was kickstarted is funny really – a friend’s daughter slept in a travel cot in my office just before Christmas and she asked whether the cot could stay up until the New Year’s Eve party we were hosting. So the cot became a welcome barrier between me and my computer, forcing me not to turn it on! I’ve always made sure I don’t have emails coming through to my phone, as when I’m away from my desk I’m with my kids so I don’t want the lure of work emails distracting me from them. The result: I was free of social media for the entire Christmas holiday period!

I think I’d worked so hard last year that I was quite burned out, and having time away from everything – emails, Facebook, twitter, blogs – was really welcome. It also made me realise anew the wisdom behind God’s ordering and the taking of a day of rest each week. We were explaining to the kids at the weekend that mummy and daddy aren’t quite like other mummies and daddies they know from school – our weekends aren’t just full of fun and relaxation as part of our jobs are to lead the church – me with worship and my husband as an elder and preacher. So Sundays can be quite stressful. While my husband should have a day off in the week that often doesn’t materialise, and it is hard to keep it family focused anyway as the kids are at school Monday to Friday. So we find we end up with less time to ourselves. That’s the nature of things – but that doesn’t mean it’s always right.

Since coming back to work, and being in meetings where we’ve focused on our goals for the year and how we’d like to develop, I was really struck by how one woman prayed for me. She said, ‘God you’ve heard all the ways Claire wants to develop her worship ministry, but she has just said how her highlights of last year were when she had time with her family away from it all. Help her to remember to take those rest times, and to realise that you only expect her to do what she has time to do. Stop her from worrying about those things she can’t do.’ That prayer made its way into my journal, as I realised my tendency is to forget rest in the busy-ness of life. I love being busy, and I find it difficult to relax until everything on my ‘to do’ list is ticked off but what I’m holding on to in these first few weeks of January is that it is so important to take time out.

So my exaltation to you is also to take some time off regularly – and don’t worry about whether stepping back to rest will mean you are no longer ‘in the loop’. This is something that I can get anxious about – particularly regarding social media networking for work purposes. I think if I take any time off it will be detrimental to the career I’m building. I’m now reminding myself that my spiritual health is the most important priority and time off is vital. God has told me many times that I can’t help others and give out to the best of my ability if I’m burned out myself – I guess I need to start listening! I’ll let you know in a few months whether I’ve managed to take regular time off – bearing in mind that it’s only a few weeks before my husband becomes lead elder/pastor of our church so I know that will have a huge impact on our lives! 🙂

The Big Church Day Out has a ‘night in’

Here’s an article that I wrote for the Evangelical Alliance – click here to see it on their site. I’ve pasted the ‘uncut’ version below (the wordier version!) 😉

bcni

photo (c) Josh Hailes

The BigChurchDayOut (BCDO) is now a massive annual event, seeing over 20,000 people gather at the start of the summer for a festival of all-age Christian celebration. So when I heard that the organisers were planning a BigChurchNightIn I was a little sceptical. How do you bring the scale of that sort of event down to create a ‘cosy night in’? Well, BCDO has just finished its eight-night BigChurchNightIn worship tour, featuring Matt Redman and the Rend Collective, which travelled to church venues across the country. The final night, December 1, was in London so I hopped on a train and bus to go and check it out.

The event’s promotional video asked people, “Fancy a night in? Just you and a few friends, maybe put a bit of music on and see what God’s got in store?” The idea was laidback and intimate: to take a few worship leaders out onto the road to spend an evening with church friends, with no other agenda than to be united in worship with God at the centre.

Tim Jupp, the man behind BCDO, said: “Kicking off the first of what we hope will be many BigChurchNightIn tours, this tour with Rend Collective and Matt Redman has been incredibly exciting as it represents so much of the heart and vision of the BigChurchDayOut, with a focus on celebration and drawing the wider church together.”

In House of Praise, London 2,500 people gathered with expectant hearts. The atmosphere was explosive, with people ready to worship as soon as Rend Collective appeared. The venue managed to capture a sense of intimacy really well – I had no idea there were so many people there until the evening’s host told us.

Rend Collective were their usual brilliant selves, singing some of their best-known songs, such as the lively “Come On My Soul” and “Praise Like Fireworks” and emotive “Alabaster”. From the outset lead singer Chris said that: “human voices connecting with God are so much more powerful than the PA system – we want to sing with you, not at you”, adding the challenge: “however crazy you want to go tonight we just want to let you know we are up for it too”. They included their now classic version of “Be Thou My Vision” (“You Are My Vision”).

Drummer/band leader Gareth talked about us all being “one giant collective” that evening, and it was great to see two trumpeters join them on stage for a couple of songs – I had noticed them tweeting earlier in the tour, giving anyone who played a brass instrument an invitation to play alongside them.

Gareth commented that there is “nothing on earth that has a force like the living, breathing church” and they went on to sing their frantic “Build Your Kingdom Here”. It is obvious that their hearts’ desire is to facilitate authentic worship and there were many moments in which they pulled back so the crowd could take the lead on vocals. At one point we all sang “Yes Jesus Loves Me” together!

Bass player Patrick then spoke to us about Compassion, the charity that facilitates sponsoring children around the world. When he first heard the statistics about how poor over 90 percent of the world’s population is he got angry with God, and asked Him why He hadn’t done anything about it. God replied, “I have. I made you.” He challenged us to worship with our hands and feet and a whopping 113 children were sponsored by the end of the night. Fantastic.

Rend Collective told me afterwards that: “We had an amazing time on the BCNI tour. We believe that the local church is God’s hope on this earth and BCNI was a perfect opportunity to encourage and stir it up for the kingdom through worship. To that end the tour was a huge success, with thousands of Christians gathering in their local communities to sing the truths of our faith. Through Compassion, over 400 children in poverty have been blessed through their sponsorship programme; a beautiful expression of worship! We were privileged to be involved.”

After a short interval, Matt Redman, joined with seven musicians, took to the stage. The crowd immediately rocked out to some old and new favourites such as “Blessed Be Your Name” and “We Are Here For You”. Matt was excited to be in the “best city in the world” for the last night of the tour and looked back over the year’s celebrations, including the Jubilee, Olympics and Paralympics, but said we have something far better to celebrate – God has restored us to friendship with Him. He said that we aren’t doing anything new, simply joining in with the eternal song of Jesus, and that’s certainly what it felt like – a people from all over the city, covering all ages, joining together with the same purpose.

Matt and his band took us through a medley of hymns such as “Here Is Love Vast As the Ocean”, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” and finished with the final verse of “Amazing Grace”.

I was interested to see Matt pulling back from his mic at times too, allowing the sound of thousands of voices to fill the hall.

Towards the end of the evening Matt led us in some of his really high-energy anthems, such as “Redemption Song” and “Dancing Generation” and the whole venue bounced (yes, the floor too). In a final act of unity and celebration, Rend Collective joined him back on stage for a massive rendition of “10,000 Reasons”.

While it was a slick, professional event the overall impression I was left with was one of humility and inclusiveness. That was the heart behind the tour – and it certainly achieved that.

Tim explains: “As I travel around the UK it seems so much that at this time there is a greater than ever focus on the church uniting, and it is exciting for me that the BigChurchDayOut can play its part in demonstrating this.”

Worshipping with other believers from a host of different churches certainly was uplifting and refreshing – even if it was actually rather a late night out! 😉

How well dressed is your spirit?

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I have been working a lot recently, hence my lack of postings. It has been an intense month of editing, which has been quite different as I usually edit and write in tandem. While it has been quite a struggle to fit the work round my parenting responsibilities, I have certainly been stretched and challenged by the subject matter of the books I have been editing. And my Bible study notes this morning seemed to build on a few of the issues raised – so I thought it was about time I spent some quality time thinking about them. This blog is the result of my initial ponderings on one…

Like many other women (I hate that I can generalise like that), I can struggle with my self-image. Post-kids I can feel self-conscious about what my daughter calls my ‘wobbly bits’ (!), and look wistfully at my younger friends’ figures. I can take a lot of time (okay not on school run mornings but any other morning, or if I’m going out!) choosing outfits that hide the bits I don’t want people to see, and make me look as presentable as possible. And yet I was really drawn up short this morning when I read about clothing my spirit.

The obvious passage about spiritual clothing is the one on the armour of God, found in Ephesians 6. And we certainly need to be intentional about putting that on, as we face daily battles. But I was also reminded of Colossians 3, in which we are exhorted to ‘wear’ another type of spiritual clothing. Here are verses 12–14 in two different versions:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (NIV)

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. (The Message)

Now it is quite obvious, reading the passage through, that we are being instructed to ‘clothe’ our spirits – to ensure our attitudes are godly. Imagine what the world would look like if we each spent time focusing on dressing ourselves with these virtues… I have to be honest here. I know that I can be impatient – when I’m stressed and tired (hello – welcome to the world of the working parent! 😉 ) it doesn’t take long for me to get harassed. I am also ‘blessed’ with a fiery temper, which I can often just accept rather than deal with – and am certainly not gentle that often. Embarrassingly, when I was part of my great church youth group, all those years ago, a visiting speaker asked us to each take it in turns to sit in the middle of the room, encircled by our friends and then we had to speak out words of encouragement over the one in the centre. I was asked to go first, and my friends were pretty shy about speaking up so the guy tried to start the ball rolling by saying, ‘Well, is she gentle?’ No one replied – they didn’t need to as the roars of laughter said it all. I didn’t feel that encouraged to be honest… But here, in scripture, we are being told to be ‘even-tempered’, gentle and kind. That is the ‘wardrobe God picked out for you’ – and yes, for me too. I think I fall short quite often…

So, why don’t I spend time ensuring my attitudes and actions line up with scripture each morning? I’m going to challenge myself to think about this every day when I’m getting dressed. To consciously ‘dress’ my spirit as well as my body. How about it? How well dressed is your spirit today? Or do you think you need to take up this challenge too?

I promise…to love my God

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Last night I was a very proud mummy. My husband, son and I watched as our daughter was officially enrolled into Brownies. She has been uber excited for weeks, and yes, I’ll admit, it did bring a lump to my throat. Particularly because Brownies has been the one thing that has really helped her this term. She has been bullied by a close friend and starting Brownies has been a fantastic way for her to make friends outside of school and to build her self-esteem back up (man I could not believe how much a young child’s sense of self could get knocked down!). But, that huge issue aside, what really struck me was the words of the Brownie promise she made:

I promise that I will do my best:
To love my God,
To serve the Queen and my country,
To help other people
And
To keep the Brownie Guide Law.

Now copying that out from her Brownie book I’ve noticed the two asterisks after ‘God’ and  ‘country’ that refer to a note saying that Brownies can ask to insert different words at these points instead. That, to me, is a little sad. But… understandable. Indeed, on our walk home we met a friend from church. When we explained where we had been, and said a little bit of the promise, his response was, ‘Was there really a mention of God in there – surely that has been taken out by now?’ And he had a point. Everywhere in our British, national culture the parts that draw on a Christian heritage are being deliberately eroded away. Think about it. There’s so little left. I think that is why I was so struck by the words of the promise – because you don’t hear that sort of thing said much these days, particularly not in schools or children’s groups because it is not politically correct. So watching a group of excited girls all rooting for my daughter while she said those words was so refreshing. I understand that there will be those that say we can’t impose our beliefs on others – and I get that. Just hearing those words made me realise afresh how much our culture has been secularised – and I guess it made me mourn a little. I’m all for treating others equally, and for not making judgements based on religion, race or gender, but does that really mean we should simply give away all parts of our heritage and traditions that have any basis in Christianity, however small?

Moving on to a less contentious issue!… My daughter is 7. She is quite matter of fact, and prayed a prayer asking Jesus into her heart when it appeared in her daily bible notes when she was quite a bit younger. Now she is totally convinced she is a Christian, and I don’t doubt it, but I know she has a lot to learn and understand about what that means. But pondering the promise she made last night I thought it would be a good starting point – a good motto for life. I’m not particularly patriotic, but I do love my country – and I certainly love my God. So, actually, I think it would be a pretty good motto for me too! What about you? Fancy taking the Brownie promise as your motto for at least today?

A unified Church

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I had the privilege of attending the National Day of Prayer at Wembley on Saturday alongside my husband. As he is a pastor we were invited to the leaders’ lunch beforehand, which I have to say was the part of the day that struck me most. Although when we first walked into the luncheon reception we were quite overwhelmed – amongst the sea of people we knew no one but recognised a few ‘famous’ faces. But having introduced ourselves to a couple on the table we’d sat down at, and been joined by a friendly, familiar face, we then listened to some brilliant and challenging short talks by various leaders from different denominations and organisations. Having spent recent weeks hopefully imparting the vision of a more outward focus in our small groups, it was so encouraging to hear each leader stand up and talk about how mission is so much at the forefront of what they feel the Church should be doing today.

I was particularly impressed by Bishop Michael Nazir-Ali, who spoke about what it means to be a Christian in the public eye. He said that what struck him when he first came to England was the “invisibility of the Church”. He challenged us to think about what would happen  if our churches wanted to be light in our communities; that for years we’ve been more like invisible salt: “What would that involve? It would involve going out and would also involve hospitality.” He asked whether we are “genuinely open to those who are not like us?”. But he also said that “Jesus is for people but there are times when he is against a culture”, indicating that there are times when we have to say no, not due to our own prejudices, but because of what Jesus teaches. One thing that really struck me personally was when he wondered whether Christian parents have given up on their kids. He said that the biggest problem in Europe is the inter-generational communication breakdown…

Later on, Executive Chair of Crossing London 2013 Stephen Gaukroger again picked up on the subject of reaching our towns and cities. Talking about the initiative based in London for next year he said that we as Christians should give each other the freedom to shout when we want to shout, and be quiet when we want to be quiet. He said that: “only a diverse, united Church is going to reach a diverse city” and that we are going to have to work together if we want to leave a legacy that is not just about maintenance but about mission. That has really come back to me over the last day or so. It can be so easy to get uptight when you don’t agree with what another strand of the Church is doing or saying – but when that is taken to an extreme it does so much damage. I was saddened when I left Wembley Stadium, after enjoying worshipping and praying with 32,000 other Christians, to be met by two guys standing on boxes shouting that what had been happening in the Stadium wasn’t of God because there were Catholics in there. Where was the grace of God – and what message did that give to passers-by?

I’ll admit that often I can get riled by certain debates/exchanges that happen on Twitter/Facebook/blogging sites, particularly on issues that are close to my heart. And I am also frustrated by the misunderstandings and judgements that are passed on the movement our church is affiliated with – Newfrontiers. But I realise I can be guilty of treating others in the same way at times. My mum is currently trying to find a new church and has been going to one for a few weeks that she feels comfortable at. And yet when she told me something the pastor had said it made me uneasy, because it is different to my own experience and understanding of the Bible. But I know that my mum desperately needs to find a church that she can call home, and feel supported by, and it isn’t a ‘salvation issue’ as it were so I’ve been left pondering – is it really important? I think it’s a shame – but I don’t think it is a reason for her not to attend that church. I know there are some big issues that I do need to stand up for, things that others in other parts of the Church don’t agree with me on, and that makes it hard to be united as 21st-century Christians at times. But I am convinced that when we reach heaven we will ALL discover something that we got wrong but thought we were so right about! 😉 I really believe we all need to keep going back to the Bible individually and corporately to see what the reality of the Christian life God has called us to is – and then work together to show the world that the Good News really is good news!

As Ephesians 4 says:

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit – just as you were called to one hope when you were called – one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

‘Let your gentleness be evident to all’

Wow. Sometimes it can be so hard when God starts pinpointing an area in your life that needs work can’t it? I’m exhausted, and the phrase ‘enough already’, which I used to talk about those things that crowd out God’s voice earlier this week, is something I’d like to shout back to God now! You see, I had a difficult conversation with a friend last weekend and was left out of sorts. I knew I had to talk to them again, but, when I did, even though I knew they were going to tell me I’d been harsh, I didn’t think I would hear the phrase ‘I certainly don’t expect to be talked to like that by anyone’. I knew I had some apologising to do, but it was such a shame – and such a lesson for me as a leader – because it clouded the real issues that were going on. I was trying to bring correction, and yet, in the end, in a way, it was me who was being corrected – at least in part. I of course fought it a little, saying things like ‘Well it only escalated like that because you fought back, saying you didn’t agree’ and, if I’m honest, I’ve come away pondering the phrase they used to describe me. I honestly and truthfully don’t think I was as bad as they made out, and I know we have certainly had those sorts of exchanges before because we are both fairly fiery and wear our hearts on our sleeves. But that isn’t really the point. And that riles me if I’m honest. Sometimes I think ‘why God?’ ‘Why pick on my faults and point out my wrongdoings when all I was trying to do was uphold your values in the first place?’ But then I have to realise, and accept (however begrudgingly!) that that isn’t the point, and the way I say things is just as important as what is said. And I also know that one of the things I found hardest about the whole affair actually showed up something lacking in myself.

Ever since that encounter I’ve had the scripture ‘Let your gentleness be evident to all’ going through my head. And part of me is allowing it to resonate in my spirit – while the other part is still longing to burst out and shout ‘it’s not fair!’ But I know this is such an important lesson for me personally that if I don’t grab this as an opportunity to grow and change then I will really regret it. Because it affects every relationship – with my husband, children, parents, friends, worship team members, general church members – everyone. Ever since I was a teenager I’ve had words spoken over me about the sharpness of my tongue; about how I need to learn to use it for God’s glory to cut through to the heart of things, rather than using it to hurt people. And I’ve had so many prayers prayed over me that I would learn to be more gentle. But, I guess if I’m honest, I’ve always seen gentleness as a bit of a weakness and, over the years, have accepted that I have a more fiery, quick-witted character. While I don’t think it is wrong, and still feel it is as God made me, not learning to rein it in and not cultivating the gentleness that is a characteristic of walking in the Spirit is wrong. I was struck by something that I read this week on the Gospel Coalition blog, which was written by a woman who lives in Dubai:

I find Peter’s exhortation about inner beauty in 1 Peter 3:3-4 both wonderful and very challenging. When I first read this passage I was struck by how many years I had spent desiring more physical beauty without a thought to inner beauty. My struggle is further compounded by the fact that I live in the consumer center of Asia, where only your outer self matters. A quiet and gentle spirit is often misunderstood to mean weak and timid. While this is a challenge, I am surrounded in church by women who are truly beautiful on the inside and whose lives are a wonderful picture of the gospel, and that really motivates me to work hard at my inner beauty.

Inner beauty is something that I’ve started to be asked to write about – and now I have that sinking feeling that perhaps that opportunity is another way God is closing in on me, prompting to realise that this is an area I need to work hard on. As a woman who has struggled with self-esteem a lot in the past (and still has great bouts of self-doubt) I can often overlook the work I need to do on my inner being as I am doing what so many in our culture (and others) do; focusing on the outer. Someone who has really challenged and inspired me in this whole area – and in being even more honest in my blog writing – is Emma Scrivener, whose brilliant blog can be found here.

I’m glad that I’m part of a Christian community that supports but also challenges me. While I was struggling earlier in the week with the realisation of how lonely leadership can be, I know too that that is part of the character changing process for me. Life can be hard enough that going on these particular journeys of self-discovery and change can seem so so uncomfortable – and downright unnecessary when they coincide with another big challenge! I have to constantly remind myself that it is only because God loves me that He touches those parts of me I’d rather He didn’t. When I started intentionally trying to draw closer to Him, to hear His voice more, I certainly didn’t expect the first thing for Him to say was ‘You need to work on being more gentle’ – but hey, looking back, I guess that was pretty naive wasn’t it?!

In pursuit of honesty

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I had a real treat last night. I entered a competition to win free tickets to see Amy Grant – I didn’t expect to win, nor had I, in all honesty, listened to her music in recent years. But I grew up with it being blasted from my sister’s room and thought it would be great to hear where she is at now. So, accompanied by a good friend from church, off I travelled to Union Chapel in Islington. The venue was cosy and really atmospheric – a beautiful old church. I didn’t know anything about the gig really, so didn’t realise it was a stripped back acoustic set. Some musicians casually appeared and I thought perhaps they were the support act – but then Amy gracefully walked on stage. I was blown away by how little she’s changed – after 5 kids and at the age of 51 she looks absolutely amazing – and beautiful. And her new songs were really chilled and a mixture of bluesy/country/folky.

What I really loved, though, was her honesty and openness. After a while she asked people to shout out songs they wanted her to play. Some she hadn’t sung for over 20 years and she struggled a little with some chord arrangements/remembering a few lyrics but it was okay – she was honest about that and it just made it even more like we were party to an intimate gathering of friends jamming at that point.

The main thing that struck me was how raw, and how honest the whole evening was. Her songwriting has always told stories but hearing the true stories behind a lot of the songs was amazing – and gut wrenching at times. And even though she looks great, it is obvious that, like all of us, she’s lived through the good and bad – but refreshingly isn’t scared of letting that show. And of saying how much she needs the good friends and family who will be honest with her around her at all times.

After a particularly difficult time in my own life God really pushed me to be honest about where I was at, to help pull down the masks that we all seem to wear in Christian circles. I fought it for a while, as it was draining to be the only one doing it, but now my husband might say I’m sometimes too honest with the amount I share! 😉 The point is, I can always sense when I am in the presence of someone else who isn’t scared to let their mask down and be who they really are, and comment on life as it really is. Aside from the trips down memory lane, as I realised I knew a lot of the lyrics to her songs off by heart,  I felt privileged to share an evening with an honest soul who bares so much in her songs. She may have started out as a teenager, but she still has a deep joy about singing from her heart and she definitely had a profound affect on me last night. And it gave me fresh hope as I dwelt on the fact that most of the Christian musicians I’ve interviewed recently have also been really honest and had great depth to them. That is what it should be like – Christians pursuing honesty and integrity and supporting one another in love. That’s what the early Church was like – do you have those kinds of relationships in which you can bare all and expect total honesty, laced with grace, in return?

Celebrating silence

My house is sooooooo quiet. I have found it really difficult to re-adjust to having mornings to myself after half term. The house was full to bursting with fun, friends and food all week. So much so that I did feel a little guilty about how little work I’d done – but I was really grateful that we had so many great moments as a family. But after my daughter went off to school, and I was getting my son ready to go to pre-school, yesterday I had one thought in my head: ‘I can’t wait for some silence’. It wasn’t that I hadn’t enjoyed our time together – just that I was missing the balance. And I think so many of us in our crazily busy lives miss that all the time – and get so locked into our routines that we actually don’t notice. To be honest, when I had the silence and the space yesterday morning I couldn’t settle down to anything. I was fidgety and couldn’t concentrate. I think part of me had forgotten how to just sit still and be, and how to allow myself to slow down and engage with God in the quietness. There is always so much to get done, and so many things to tick off of a list, but I think God often looks down on me and wonders when I’m going to get it. When I’m going to understand that He doesn’t need me to be rushing about ‘doing’ things for Him – whether through my work or service to my family or church. That what He longs most of all is to spend some quality time with His daughter. So this week I’m celebrating the silence – and trying to re-engage with the discipline of sitting still in that silence and learning from the master….

What a week under par has taught me

This has been a very strange week for me. It all started with my daughter coming down with a very violent sickness bug that has been going round her school. She was up a lot one night being sick, spent the next day very listless but then bounced back. Then my husband and I both went down with it the same night – all night. The next day we were laid out completely, having to call on friends to do our two different school runs. But then he bounced back…and I didn’t. It’s taken me all week to be able to eat a full meal – and I’m still not eating plenty of items as the thought of them makes me feel super sick. I still feel slightly nauseous constantly.

I’ve had to force myself to eat to ensure I’m well enough to look after my kids – and earlier in the week we had the struggle of both kids playing up because our routine was disrupted due to our sickness. Just when we asked them if they could be extra helpful and good they did precisely the opposite – and we both felt too ill to deal with it. To be honest, I’ve been pretty short-fused with them all week. It’s just plain hard work to get on and do all the normal things a parent has to while I feel like this.

But I can also see that this week has done me a lot of good. Just slowing down so I only do the bare necessities has actually made me realise what a lot of rushing about I do – and made me wonder whether I need to do absolutely all of it. I’ve been really challenged recently about the fact that I feel I have my finger in so many pies, how many of them am I actually doing to the best of my ability? And what room is there in my life for those people that really need me to down tools and help them at a moment’s notice?

It has also given me a renewed admiration for people who cope with illness long-term. That is a subject on my heart at the moment, and I’m hoping to write about it soon. How do people who suffer with something day in day out keep their head above water, keep believing and trusting in God’s promises? People like my mum, who struggles with some horrible illnesses and has been suffering from terrible nausea for months and months that no expert seems to be able to get to the bottom of despite countless tests. I was talking on the phone to her after she had been away for a few days with my dad. I was saying how I’d been feeling and what a struggle it had been, and then she told me how she had had to come face to face with her limitations yet again while away. How hard that must be when you are on holiday, as you can’t ever take a holiday from your sickness…

This week has also made me grateful at times. When I first started feeling well enough to eat again I was grateful; when I first felt able to drive again too. When I felt well enough to tidy up a bit I was glad – as the state of the house was getting me down. And the sense of achievement of getting the bits of work done I needed to this week was much more intense than usual – because I’d had to battle through more than normal too. While I did struggle with resentment at times about some of the things I had to carry on and do even though I didn’t feel up to them, it has actually been really nice to hide away and spend most evenings at home on my own or with my husband just doing very little. I think we all need regular periods of time like that – perhaps my next one was so long overdue that God allowed this sickness to really knock me out so that I actually did slow down for a change!

I wonder whether your week has been ‘the same as usual’ or if you can look back and see something you’ve learned afresh. Do you regularly take the time to take stock and think about what your days have been filled with, and what God may have been trying to teach you through your everyday circumstances? I think I look for such things more regularly now that I am writing, but it is certainly a beneficial habit for us all to cultivate…