Category: Leadership

Can’t settle down to work…

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Ever have one of those days when you simply can’t seem to settle down to anything? I am today – I can’t believe I only have half an hour left before I pick up my son from nursery and I’ve achieved nothing so far (apart from bagging a free book for my hubbie – yay- and having email conversations with publishers). I have managed to do my bible reading for the day. I’ve been finding reaching back into the Old Testament really interesting and thought-provoking, but today, when I read about a man sacrificing his daughter, all I could think was ‘really?’. My brain couldn’t go further than that!

Both my husband and I look and feel shattered. It has been an exceedingly long couple of weeks, partly because our church is in the process of trying to buy a building and there have been endless plans and letters to formulate. But today is submission day – so we’ve done all we can. Now, as well as praying earnestly, we need to turn to what else needs our attention – him to his preach and me to my writing. But I think we are both simply too wrung out. I am usually incredibly focused. I’ve been doing this work-from-home freelancing thing for a long time now, and I am always determined to utilise the first few hours of the day really well as that is my only child-free time. But today I’ve been meandering through the windows on my computer – looking at the drafted book I have almost finished and the half-written ideas file for a magazine editor. I can’t quite seem to actually get down to doing anything. But I think that may be because my body needs a little rest – it’s done so much already this week. The fact that I can’t focus on anything is my body revealing I need to slow down a little and take it easy today. This is really unlike me, but I’m finding I’m telling myself that it’s okay if I don’t actually achieve that much today. There is always tomorrow… 🙂

Feeling the squeeze

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Today is the start of National Marriage Week. I chuckled wryly to myself when I found that out, as this week has been incredibly testing. We’ve definitely felt the squeeze, due to many reasons – mainly outside of our relationship. We are still exhausted from the fantastic weekend of celebrations honouring our pastor and his wife as he retired, and now my husband is feeling the pressure of taking over the church and being the only member of staff for the next two months. I’m really busy juggling a lot of deadlines, including writing a book, and looking after our kids. I’ve also found it very difficult to be surrounded by a houseful of mess as my husband transports the church office temporarily to the studio at the bottom of our garden. That sort of thing really grates on me – and I have to be honest, I bit my tongue for three days but didn’t manage to keep quiet completely!

Each night has been busy since last weekend, with meetings already booked in. And each night we’ve been supporting others with difficulties – some with intensely bad news they are struggling with. While it is an honour and a privilege to serve them it is still hard when you are just plain tired yourself – and some of the issues have been so big it is hard not to be affected by them. I think the fact that we are not sleeping well even though exhausted is a sign that the stress is taking its toll. And this afternoon my daughter had a complete meltdown doing homework that I thought she would actually really enjoy. I found myself almost at explosion point and shouted inwardly to God ‘Not now – don’t throw anything else at me now’.

I left her to it and escaped into my office. And there were another series of tweets about National Marriage Week, which stopped me in my tracks. We absolutely HAVE to make time amongst all the manic-ness, responsibilities and people problems to just chill out, do things together we really enjoy and affirm and encourage one another. Because when tiredness and stress set in, it is always the person closest to you that bears the brunt of it. I know you know this, but I urge those of you that are married to use this week’s timely reminder wisely and let your husband/wife really know why it is that you love them. Use the commercialised, cheesy, annoying day that is Valentine’s Day to do something special – whether you choose to do it on that day or another just make sure you do something in the next week! I’m going to make sure we do…

The countdown begins

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Monday morning. A chance to re-focus after another hectic, but fulfilling weekend of fun and church activities. But this Monday morning is slightly different. Because, as I arrived home from dropping both kids to school and my husband off to the (temporary) church office, I realised that that could have been the last time I ever do the latter. The church office will soon be at our house because there is now less than a week until our pastor retires and my husband takes on the role. We’ve been planning and preparing for months now, and are really caught up in the celebrations we are planning for next weekend to honour our pastor and his wife’s tireless commitment and care to the church. But as I sat down with my Bible and cup of tea it suddenly hit me. That this time next week I won’t just be the associate pastor’s wife – I’ll be the pastor’s wife!

I had a sudden flash of the weight of responsibility, but fortunately the weight didn’t hang around for too long. Over the last couple of weekends we’ve had a chance to meet up with others of a similar age in a similar position, some that my husband did his training with, and it’s nice to know that we are not alone. It’s not that we are forging out by ourselves, blazing a trail that’s never been done before. We’re just doing it in our church, in the way we’ve been called to. Of course there are things on my mind that I’m slightly concerned about, and added stresses that have been creeping up on us both – but mainly on my husband. Life is going to go up another gear – again – and we will have to be really careful and conscious of our family at all times. Because we’ve already discovered in the preparation to this time that leadership can be a lonely place at times – even when you’ve got some good, close friends.

I am really glad we are in the position of having our pastor and his wife continue to attend the church, and indeed, continue to help. After a couple of months off they will be back! 😉 She does so much, including the church’s accounts, and he will be working part time in the office. It will be strange to begin with – there will be a new dynamic as he will no longer have any leadership responsibilities and both he and my husband will have to get used to that. But I know that we will really appreciate having them around. Because, for the moment at least, my husband will be the only full-time member of staff. So there will be lots to do… And they will still be there for those times when we realise that we’ve forgotten to ask about how to do something!

But how do I really feel in this countdown week? Proud – of my husband;of both of us for coming through some really tough years to get to this point; scared – I don’t feel qualified (but if my experiences as a worship leader are anything to go by that’s a good thing!); protective  – of our family time, of our kids (wow the spiritual battle that goes on at times is intense!), of my husband; humbled – that He’s called us for such a time as this for such a church as ours and … tired – well it is Monday morning after all! 🙂

Taking time out

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Yet again there’s been a good few weeks between my posts. Before Christmas I was frantically trying to finish work off so that I could take a complete break, and since the kids went back to school I’ve been busy again catching up with work. But I look back to the Christmas period with really fond memories. It was a time of relaxation in which I purposefully stayed away from my computer. The way that was kickstarted is funny really – a friend’s daughter slept in a travel cot in my office just before Christmas and she asked whether the cot could stay up until the New Year’s Eve party we were hosting. So the cot became a welcome barrier between me and my computer, forcing me not to turn it on! I’ve always made sure I don’t have emails coming through to my phone, as when I’m away from my desk I’m with my kids so I don’t want the lure of work emails distracting me from them. The result: I was free of social media for the entire Christmas holiday period!

I think I’d worked so hard last year that I was quite burned out, and having time away from everything – emails, Facebook, twitter, blogs – was really welcome. It also made me realise anew the wisdom behind God’s ordering and the taking of a day of rest each week. We were explaining to the kids at the weekend that mummy and daddy aren’t quite like other mummies and daddies they know from school – our weekends aren’t just full of fun and relaxation as part of our jobs are to lead the church – me with worship and my husband as an elder and preacher. So Sundays can be quite stressful. While my husband should have a day off in the week that often doesn’t materialise, and it is hard to keep it family focused anyway as the kids are at school Monday to Friday. So we find we end up with less time to ourselves. That’s the nature of things – but that doesn’t mean it’s always right.

Since coming back to work, and being in meetings where we’ve focused on our goals for the year and how we’d like to develop, I was really struck by how one woman prayed for me. She said, ‘God you’ve heard all the ways Claire wants to develop her worship ministry, but she has just said how her highlights of last year were when she had time with her family away from it all. Help her to remember to take those rest times, and to realise that you only expect her to do what she has time to do. Stop her from worrying about those things she can’t do.’ That prayer made its way into my journal, as I realised my tendency is to forget rest in the busy-ness of life. I love being busy, and I find it difficult to relax until everything on my ‘to do’ list is ticked off but what I’m holding on to in these first few weeks of January is that it is so important to take time out.

So my exaltation to you is also to take some time off regularly – and don’t worry about whether stepping back to rest will mean you are no longer ‘in the loop’. This is something that I can get anxious about – particularly regarding social media networking for work purposes. I think if I take any time off it will be detrimental to the career I’m building. I’m now reminding myself that my spiritual health is the most important priority and time off is vital. God has told me many times that I can’t help others and give out to the best of my ability if I’m burned out myself – I guess I need to start listening! I’ll let you know in a few months whether I’ve managed to take regular time off – bearing in mind that it’s only a few weeks before my husband becomes lead elder/pastor of our church so I know that will have a huge impact on our lives! 🙂

A unified Church

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I had the privilege of attending the National Day of Prayer at Wembley on Saturday alongside my husband. As he is a pastor we were invited to the leaders’ lunch beforehand, which I have to say was the part of the day that struck me most. Although when we first walked into the luncheon reception we were quite overwhelmed – amongst the sea of people we knew no one but recognised a few ‘famous’ faces. But having introduced ourselves to a couple on the table we’d sat down at, and been joined by a friendly, familiar face, we then listened to some brilliant and challenging short talks by various leaders from different denominations and organisations. Having spent recent weeks hopefully imparting the vision of a more outward focus in our small groups, it was so encouraging to hear each leader stand up and talk about how mission is so much at the forefront of what they feel the Church should be doing today.

I was particularly impressed by Bishop Michael Nazir-Ali, who spoke about what it means to be a Christian in the public eye. He said that what struck him when he first came to England was the “invisibility of the Church”. He challenged us to think about what would happen  if our churches wanted to be light in our communities; that for years we’ve been more like invisible salt: “What would that involve? It would involve going out and would also involve hospitality.” He asked whether we are “genuinely open to those who are not like us?”. But he also said that “Jesus is for people but there are times when he is against a culture”, indicating that there are times when we have to say no, not due to our own prejudices, but because of what Jesus teaches. One thing that really struck me personally was when he wondered whether Christian parents have given up on their kids. He said that the biggest problem in Europe is the inter-generational communication breakdown…

Later on, Executive Chair of Crossing London 2013 Stephen Gaukroger again picked up on the subject of reaching our towns and cities. Talking about the initiative based in London for next year he said that we as Christians should give each other the freedom to shout when we want to shout, and be quiet when we want to be quiet. He said that: “only a diverse, united Church is going to reach a diverse city” and that we are going to have to work together if we want to leave a legacy that is not just about maintenance but about mission. That has really come back to me over the last day or so. It can be so easy to get uptight when you don’t agree with what another strand of the Church is doing or saying – but when that is taken to an extreme it does so much damage. I was saddened when I left Wembley Stadium, after enjoying worshipping and praying with 32,000 other Christians, to be met by two guys standing on boxes shouting that what had been happening in the Stadium wasn’t of God because there were Catholics in there. Where was the grace of God – and what message did that give to passers-by?

I’ll admit that often I can get riled by certain debates/exchanges that happen on Twitter/Facebook/blogging sites, particularly on issues that are close to my heart. And I am also frustrated by the misunderstandings and judgements that are passed on the movement our church is affiliated with – Newfrontiers. But I realise I can be guilty of treating others in the same way at times. My mum is currently trying to find a new church and has been going to one for a few weeks that she feels comfortable at. And yet when she told me something the pastor had said it made me uneasy, because it is different to my own experience and understanding of the Bible. But I know that my mum desperately needs to find a church that she can call home, and feel supported by, and it isn’t a ‘salvation issue’ as it were so I’ve been left pondering – is it really important? I think it’s a shame – but I don’t think it is a reason for her not to attend that church. I know there are some big issues that I do need to stand up for, things that others in other parts of the Church don’t agree with me on, and that makes it hard to be united as 21st-century Christians at times. But I am convinced that when we reach heaven we will ALL discover something that we got wrong but thought we were so right about! 😉 I really believe we all need to keep going back to the Bible individually and corporately to see what the reality of the Christian life God has called us to is – and then work together to show the world that the Good News really is good news!

As Ephesians 4 says:

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit – just as you were called to one hope when you were called – one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

‘Let your gentleness be evident to all’

Wow. Sometimes it can be so hard when God starts pinpointing an area in your life that needs work can’t it? I’m exhausted, and the phrase ‘enough already’, which I used to talk about those things that crowd out God’s voice earlier this week, is something I’d like to shout back to God now! You see, I had a difficult conversation with a friend last weekend and was left out of sorts. I knew I had to talk to them again, but, when I did, even though I knew they were going to tell me I’d been harsh, I didn’t think I would hear the phrase ‘I certainly don’t expect to be talked to like that by anyone’. I knew I had some apologising to do, but it was such a shame – and such a lesson for me as a leader – because it clouded the real issues that were going on. I was trying to bring correction, and yet, in the end, in a way, it was me who was being corrected – at least in part. I of course fought it a little, saying things like ‘Well it only escalated like that because you fought back, saying you didn’t agree’ and, if I’m honest, I’ve come away pondering the phrase they used to describe me. I honestly and truthfully don’t think I was as bad as they made out, and I know we have certainly had those sorts of exchanges before because we are both fairly fiery and wear our hearts on our sleeves. But that isn’t really the point. And that riles me if I’m honest. Sometimes I think ‘why God?’ ‘Why pick on my faults and point out my wrongdoings when all I was trying to do was uphold your values in the first place?’ But then I have to realise, and accept (however begrudgingly!) that that isn’t the point, and the way I say things is just as important as what is said. And I also know that one of the things I found hardest about the whole affair actually showed up something lacking in myself.

Ever since that encounter I’ve had the scripture ‘Let your gentleness be evident to all’ going through my head. And part of me is allowing it to resonate in my spirit – while the other part is still longing to burst out and shout ‘it’s not fair!’ But I know this is such an important lesson for me personally that if I don’t grab this as an opportunity to grow and change then I will really regret it. Because it affects every relationship – with my husband, children, parents, friends, worship team members, general church members – everyone. Ever since I was a teenager I’ve had words spoken over me about the sharpness of my tongue; about how I need to learn to use it for God’s glory to cut through to the heart of things, rather than using it to hurt people. And I’ve had so many prayers prayed over me that I would learn to be more gentle. But, I guess if I’m honest, I’ve always seen gentleness as a bit of a weakness and, over the years, have accepted that I have a more fiery, quick-witted character. While I don’t think it is wrong, and still feel it is as God made me, not learning to rein it in and not cultivating the gentleness that is a characteristic of walking in the Spirit is wrong. I was struck by something that I read this week on the Gospel Coalition blog, which was written by a woman who lives in Dubai:

I find Peter’s exhortation about inner beauty in 1 Peter 3:3-4 both wonderful and very challenging. When I first read this passage I was struck by how many years I had spent desiring more physical beauty without a thought to inner beauty. My struggle is further compounded by the fact that I live in the consumer center of Asia, where only your outer self matters. A quiet and gentle spirit is often misunderstood to mean weak and timid. While this is a challenge, I am surrounded in church by women who are truly beautiful on the inside and whose lives are a wonderful picture of the gospel, and that really motivates me to work hard at my inner beauty.

Inner beauty is something that I’ve started to be asked to write about – and now I have that sinking feeling that perhaps that opportunity is another way God is closing in on me, prompting to realise that this is an area I need to work hard on. As a woman who has struggled with self-esteem a lot in the past (and still has great bouts of self-doubt) I can often overlook the work I need to do on my inner being as I am doing what so many in our culture (and others) do; focusing on the outer. Someone who has really challenged and inspired me in this whole area – and in being even more honest in my blog writing – is Emma Scrivener, whose brilliant blog can be found here.

I’m glad that I’m part of a Christian community that supports but also challenges me. While I was struggling earlier in the week with the realisation of how lonely leadership can be, I know too that that is part of the character changing process for me. Life can be hard enough that going on these particular journeys of self-discovery and change can seem so so uncomfortable – and downright unnecessary when they coincide with another big challenge! I have to constantly remind myself that it is only because God loves me that He touches those parts of me I’d rather He didn’t. When I started intentionally trying to draw closer to Him, to hear His voice more, I certainly didn’t expect the first thing for Him to say was ‘You need to work on being more gentle’ – but hey, looking back, I guess that was pretty naive wasn’t it?!

Women in worship

At the end of last year I had the privilege of putting together an article on women in worship for Woman Alive, which has just been published. As a worship leader myself, who is definitely in the minority as a woman amongst a male-dominated worship team, this is definitely a subject that is on my heart. I was in contact with some great worship leaders that I’m sure you will recognise. I’ve pasted the images of the article below, but they can also be found on the page of my site that includes other examples of my work: writing. As I know there are many women out there who need an extra boost of encouragement to carry on going I am hoping to develop this idea further. So I’d love to hear from any other female worship leaders about your experiences – and also from any women in local congregations. What is your experience of sung worship at your church? I hope and pray that all your giftings are encouraged and given space to be expressed 🙂

In pursuit of honesty

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I had a real treat last night. I entered a competition to win free tickets to see Amy Grant – I didn’t expect to win, nor had I, in all honesty, listened to her music in recent years. But I grew up with it being blasted from my sister’s room and thought it would be great to hear where she is at now. So, accompanied by a good friend from church, off I travelled to Union Chapel in Islington. The venue was cosy and really atmospheric – a beautiful old church. I didn’t know anything about the gig really, so didn’t realise it was a stripped back acoustic set. Some musicians casually appeared and I thought perhaps they were the support act – but then Amy gracefully walked on stage. I was blown away by how little she’s changed – after 5 kids and at the age of 51 she looks absolutely amazing – and beautiful. And her new songs were really chilled and a mixture of bluesy/country/folky.

What I really loved, though, was her honesty and openness. After a while she asked people to shout out songs they wanted her to play. Some she hadn’t sung for over 20 years and she struggled a little with some chord arrangements/remembering a few lyrics but it was okay – she was honest about that and it just made it even more like we were party to an intimate gathering of friends jamming at that point.

The main thing that struck me was how raw, and how honest the whole evening was. Her songwriting has always told stories but hearing the true stories behind a lot of the songs was amazing – and gut wrenching at times. And even though she looks great, it is obvious that, like all of us, she’s lived through the good and bad – but refreshingly isn’t scared of letting that show. And of saying how much she needs the good friends and family who will be honest with her around her at all times.

After a particularly difficult time in my own life God really pushed me to be honest about where I was at, to help pull down the masks that we all seem to wear in Christian circles. I fought it for a while, as it was draining to be the only one doing it, but now my husband might say I’m sometimes too honest with the amount I share! 😉 The point is, I can always sense when I am in the presence of someone else who isn’t scared to let their mask down and be who they really are, and comment on life as it really is. Aside from the trips down memory lane, as I realised I knew a lot of the lyrics to her songs off by heart,  I felt privileged to share an evening with an honest soul who bares so much in her songs. She may have started out as a teenager, but she still has a deep joy about singing from her heart and she definitely had a profound affect on me last night. And it gave me fresh hope as I dwelt on the fact that most of the Christian musicians I’ve interviewed recently have also been really honest and had great depth to them. That is what it should be like – Christians pursuing honesty and integrity and supporting one another in love. That’s what the early Church was like – do you have those kinds of relationships in which you can bare all and expect total honesty, laced with grace, in return?

Let it rain!

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Those of us who live in the UK have experienced a deluge of rain this week. It seems bizarre that in our country we have suddenly taken by surprise by the rain but, after such a long time without significant rainfall, it has been a bit of a shock. I’ve found it particularly difficult because my son’s bedroom has a flat roof, which makes the rain seem really noisy and he gets scared and doesn’t sleep well at night. So this week I’ve been getting more and more tired.

This all culminated in me feeling rather miserable yesterday – it seemed that every time I had to go out the rain intensified. Where my son attends pre-school is literally at the end of our road, simply a minute’s walk away, but on our way back the heavens literally opened and we were saturated. Thursday is the afternoon that we are in and out constantly – to playgroup, school pick up, his sister’s ballet lessons etc so I gave up and thought there was no point in changing us after each soaking as we were just going to get drenched again.

Then, as I stomped around in a bad mood, I felt a small tug in my spirit. I knew what it was about as I’d felt it in the biggest downfall I’d been caught in – but now I paid attention. And my heart leapt in agreement with what it was hearing – and I realised I didn’t need the rain to stop – I wanted to shout ‘Let it rain more! Let my soul be saturated!’ It was a sudden realisation that, like our land desperately needs the rain, my spirit needs more of His Spirit. I’m tired, not sleeping well, busy catching up on work after the holiday, preparing to lead worship this Sunday and now also preparing to speak alongside my husband when he preaches. I can’t do any of this in my own strength – God I need a soaking! I need to remain wet day in day out!

I am so grateful for days like yesterday – yes it was hard work but when God breaks in and reminds me (in a highly practical demonstration!) of my need for Him it makes me realise how over-busy and un-reliant on Him I can be. The challenge is not to lose that sense of dependency and to tackle the tasks with Him alongside me, guiding me by His Spirit.

Gender-specific teaching in services?

I had a really interesting chat with someone just over a week ago. I was interviewing Carl Beech for the new website I write for daily – www.christian.co.uk. I had worked with him recently, editing a new set of bible study notes for guys, so I knew a little about him – and that our conversation should make for an interesting article! 😉 He was talking about the various elements to our Sunday morning meetings that guys can struggle with (okay there were a fair few generalisations and assumptions made, but that is necessary in such a short space) and I found myself agreeing with most (but not quite all – I am an individual after all!) ;D of what he said. He talked about the language of our worship songs – which fascinates me because I am a worship leader. But the issue that has got me pondering most is the teaching styles within our Sunday morning meetings.

“Most blokes think they are experts in everything. They have an opinion on just about everything and yet are forced to sit through a monologue preach. We can come out with brilliantly biblical teaching but the guys are thinking ‘what does that mean for me? I’ve got to make someone redundant on Mon – how does it practically relate to me?’

“I realise this wouldn’t be possible for every sermon but there is a place for seminars, gender-specific teaching, topical stuff that will get people going – I use these approaches and never fail to create a response.”

Now this is something I have never considered. We have been part of the leadership team of our church since it was a tiny church plant, and have spent a long time discussing and planning our Sunday mornings as we believe they are our shop window as it were – showcasing what we are about and the elements that are most important to us. It would be a really radical step to sometimes split into male and female groups to listen and engage with teaching specific to our gender. I’m not sure we would do it on a Sunday morning, as there are considerations such as what visitors would do (could it make them feel uncomfortable?), what about the people that really hate splitting into gender-specific groups (and believe me they are out there – I used to be one of them!). But to dismiss the idea offhand would be a little foolhardy.

Our church has regular guys breakfasts, during which the men enjoy some hearty grub and the chance to chat just as guys together. And our women have just enjoyed a ladies day in which we had lunch and then one of our own women spoke. It was as I looked around during the two ministry times during that day that I realised how much more open the women were being in this female-only environment. I guess they must have felt more at ease, and better able to share their struggles and emotions in a ‘safe place’ with other women. While we don’t all have the same background (some are married, others single, some have children, others not etc) there is a certain level of shared experience and that did allow us to go deeper than we often do on a Sunday morning.

Whether the Sunday morning meeting is the place for gender-specific teaching and experiences I’m still not sure but I’m certainly still thinking about it ten days on from speaking to Carl! What do you think?

(For a look at the full interview with Carl Beech please click here.)