For the final instalment of my guest blog on worshipteamcoach.com please click here.
Category: On marriage
Is my life about promoting God…or myself?
I have steered clear about directly commenting here on the raging debate that occurred as a result of Driscoll’s interview in Christianity. I have written a few comments on other people’s blog responses, however, and it is the whole idea of celebrity Christianity that has stuck with me, and many others too. As a newbie writer I am held in that tension of wanting/needing to promote myself but it is far too easy to get caught up in the whole process of trying to get yourself known. As a Christian isn’t that beside the point? It’s all about dying to self and revealing the wisdom and glory of God through the way we live. I know when you make your living from an industry that hardly ever takes notice of unknowns there is an inevitability about trying to promote yourself to a certain degree. But the celebrity culture we have in western Christianity today is quite strange and there is something in the recent debate that we should probably be very grateful for – it has made a lot of us uncomfortable and made us turn to look at our motives once again.
Here’s what I wrote in response to one helpful blogger (and then thought it could quite easily be a posting on my own blog…so here it is! š ):
As a new-ish writer Iām always so excited about new contacts I meet, but also get really frustrated when I see what a small world the Christian media world can be ā and because Iām not that known I can be overlooked. I was having a little moan to God about this one day when I was suddenly stopped in my tracks ā I read something a well-known worship leader wrote a few years ago but it was as if God himself was talking to me, reminding me that Iām called to be faithful where Iām at. Chasing after status can so easily distract you from the needs that are right in front of you. As a busy mum, church/worship leader, school governor etc I come across needs all the time. Am I doing all I can to serve those right in front of me or have I started to get impatient when someone starts taking up too much of āmyā time? Time I could be spending researching and writing? And why do I get disappointed when I read someone with a ānameā writing on a subject I know I could write on easily ā or have pitched similarly in the past but was turned down? I have to remind myself to be grateful for every single opening God does provide for me, and juggle that with my other responsibilities closer to home. And yes, when you do have a platform of any sort at all there comes an added responsiblity. I have been writing about family issues, marriage and worship leading in the last week. But if I take a look at my own marriage, family, worship of God and discipleship of the worship team I am responsible for do those hold up to the same scrutiny Iām asking other people to do in my writing? The last thing I want to be is a hypocrite ā and yet I think there are times that I am.
I think perhaps the thing we all need to bear in mind is that our lives, and our works, will be refined through the fire – and those things that were not of lasting, eternal worth will be burned up. Are we seeking after and promoting those things that will stand up to that test? God says that when we feed or clothe one of the least of them we are feeding or clothing Him – is that something we always remember or are we eager to get through that aspect of our ‘ministry’ so that we can turn our attention back to something that we feel will benefit us, or our careers? It is horrible to write that down in black and white and then read it back – and I’m sure that is not how any of us set out. But, honestly, when I’m tired and juggling too many things my patience and humility is in short supply and I guess there is a small element of that in the way I perceive things. If this whole Driscoll episode causes some of us to re-evaluate and re-prioritise then some good will have come as a result. Whether we agreed with him or not, were offended or not, isn’t the point. Can we look at our lives and be happy with the way they are going in terms of promoting God and His kingdom, rather than our own statuses and agendas?
A pioneering woman, pt 2
The second part of my interview with Wendy Virgo:
How did you juggle supporting your husband and being involved in ministry while you raised such a large family? What were the biggest challenges?
Very early in our marriage, Terry and I redefined what we meant by āministryā. Everything in our lives was to be seen as under the umbrella of serving God; there was no distinction between āsacredā and āsecularā. So my ministry to God included loving and supporting my husband, loving and training my children and creating a godly and peaceful home and all the domestic activities involved in that. It also included praying, worshipping, seeking God for gifts of the Spirit and teaching and encouraging others. So as it was all ministry, I didnāt feel I was having to juggle home and ministry! But I did have to fight for time to study and pray, and I learned to pray while I was doing other things.
I found there were seasons in life, so that consistent times of prayer and Bible study were difficult after the birth of a new baby in the period of night feeds. I had to learn to talk to God while I was ironing or driving to the supermarket. There wasnāt much time for reading so I would learn to āfeedā on a few verses of scripture. I also drew strength from being with others in prayer times etc. A young mum can feel very alone, so it is important to make time to meet with others.
As you said above that you had to fight for time to study and pray, could you share what you have found most useful for your own personal devotional times?
I have used different methods of personal study over the years. Sometimes I have followed a year plan; sometimes used daily notes. (I actually write for CWRās excellent āInspiring Women Every Dayā series). I particularly like using the Bible Speaks Today series of commentaries edited by John Stott. I prefer to work through a book of the Bible rather than to jump about. That way you get a much more in depth understanding of the development of Biblical truth than if you just hop from one topic to anotherā¦although topical study can also have its place.
As the children grew up of course, the rhythm of life kept changing and now Terry and I are in the happy season of being able to pray together every day, which we really love!
Appreciating one another
Many of the thoughts that get me delving more deeply into my brain to ponder an issue occur when I’m doing something mundane. I guess that’s just a reflection of my life as a mum! I was busy dishing up dinner the other night when it suddenly dawned on me that I had probably already prepared, cooked and served up hundreds – if not thousands – of dishes since getting married and that there is no end in sight! We will have been married 18 years in August, our eldest will turn 6 in September, but I will still be clocking up the amount of meals I’ve prepared for us well after the time my husband and I retire! I started to get the hump – started to think about how many jobs a mother – and wife – does that go on behind the scenes, unnoticed. But then something in my spirit stopped me. And I started remembering all the times when my husband had sacrificially given of his time and I’d taken it for granted. And the times when my kids may have done something I’d been trying to teach them to do for ages and they suddenly ‘got it’ – but in my weary state I didn’t seem to praise or encourage them that much. I then started thinking about all the people there are in our church. A church doesn’t function without the help of its members and I wondered how often I’d thanked the welcome team for putting out the chairs faithfully each week for example. And, as I head up the worship team with my husband, I started thinking about all the musicians we are responsible for. How often do I take the time to check how each one of them is? I know I make sure to thank each one that plays alongside me on a particular Sunday, but what about all the other times when I’m not leading – do I still make time to show my appreciation? I know that it would seem forced to thank everyone every week, but I did get stopped in my tracks and just believe it is worth each one of us thinking about this. Do we truly appreciate those people who are around us day by day – the ones that we ‘do life with’? We could all do with some encouragement – why not tell someone how much you appreciate them today?
Relationship central
On Friday I had the huge privilege of attending Holy Trinity Brompton’s Relationship Central Conference. HTB is where Alpha was born, and those running the conference created the hugely successful Marriage Course and Marriage Preparation Course. On Friday they launched their new Parenting Children and Parenting Teenagers Courses. Both promise to be as helpful as the marriage courses, which are now run in over 100 countries round the world. Just before our pastor went on sabbatical we took time out to go on the Marriage Course at a local church that was running it. It was so helpful to have that opportunity just to pause and take stock. As we are in the process of buying a building for the church now we were excited about the prospect of being able to run such a course there in the future, which is why we went to the conference. Having been, we are now hoping to run the parenting ones too!
As leaders will know, when you are in charge of a church it is difficult to ever find the time to visit other churches, so I was really keen to go to HTB as I’d never had the chance to (even though I used to work in a publishing house just down the road from it 15 years ago). I was blown away by the welcome. The conference was brilliantly organised and executed by many friendly faces all eager to help make the day as accessible and enjoyable as possible. Enticing muffins greeted us as we arrived, and the food just kept coming all day long! I have never been so well fed at a conference! š My husband recently attended the HTB leadership conference and he commented that, yet again, the church proved that they certainly know how to put on a conference. The highlight was definitely meeting and listening to Nicky and Sila Lee. God has certainly placed a particular gifting in them but it was so refreshing to see them in the flesh and watch them banter with one another. It makes them seem ‘normal’ and helps put across the notion that what they are teaching is attainable – they aren’t super spiritual beings, but just like every one of us. The materials they have put together have been done in such a way to make them as cheap and easy to use as they possibly could ā another attention to detail that is going to bless thousands across the world as they start to implement these new courses in their churches.
I thank God for you
So many things I’ve meant to say
So much I’ve meant to show.
It’s easy letting time go by
And to think somehow you’ll know.
So I wrote this song to just make sure
You never doubt it’s true
That I thank God for you
I thank God for you
You spend yourself so freely
On the things you do for me
You’re always there to lift me up
When I’m less than I should be
To earn the kind of love you give
There’s nothing I could do
And I thank God for you
I thank God for you
I thank God because He’s given me
A lover and a friend
With a heart that I can trust in
Through it all until the end
I thank God because you give more
Than I had ever hoped to find
No one else this side of heaven
Gives me so much peace of mind
The years have gone so quickly
Since we changed to one from two
But time has just intensified
The bond I share with you
And yes, I’d do it all again
To love you as I do
I thank God for you
I thank God for you
A pastor’s wife…
So what does that actually mean exactly?… I keep being told that there is no such thing as a pastorās wife in the Bible ā that there is no definitive role, that I should simply concentrate on being the woman that God called me to be and not worry about, take on or even create imaginary expectations from others about what I should be doing. My response? Well that is all well and good but part of my God-given role is to support my husband and there will no doubt be a change in stress-levels etc for him now. To backtrack a little, he became a full-time associate pastor about a year and a half ago now, but our only other full-time worker, and lead elder of the church, is on sabbatical at the moment. I would say things are going brilliantly, and my husband has really stepped up to the mark. Okay we need to learn to juggle things a little better, so we get some quality time together, but, overall, it’s good. My only concern really is the change in dynamic that could happen at home. Could we get so busy that our children suffer?