Category: On parenting

Taking the time to be grateful

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This week is half term for us. It should be a manic time, with me juggling my workload with two exuberant children who want to get out and do things. But yesterday my kids were picked up to have a little ‘holiday’ with my parents. They were so excited – and secretly I was very relieved as I have a huge pile of work to get through. I know there are probably loads of you out there that would do anything to have a bit of time to yourselves, and that is how I feel quite often too. However, this morning I’m totally on my own – my husband was out for a breakfast meeting before I got up so, for the first time in years, I’ve got ready and had breakfast on my own. And, to be honest, it’s been quite hard. I have a pull on my heart, as it feels like there is something missing. I’ve been singing worship songs at the top of my voice to stop feeling lonely. Now I know this will pass as soon as I get my head down and get on with work, but I just felt that I needed to stop and let myself really experience how I’m currently feeling rather than rushing on. God seemed to be nudging me while I was preparing breakfast. We are embarking on the HTB Worship Central course tonight with our worship team, so I am speaking all about how central worship is. I’ve been looking at how worship is what we were made for – but when I started feeling the pangs of missing my children this morning God spoke to my heart in a way I wasn’t expecting. He simply whispered a reminder that that is how I should feel whenever I don’t get a chance to speak to Him. It really challenged me as I thought of how busy I normally am each morning – how I rush from one thing to another and often don’t even notice that I’ve not started the day connecting with Him. I hope I can remember this pang for a long time, and what it stands for.

It is true that often it isn’t until we don’t have something, or someone, that we realise how much it/they mean(s) to us. Having had a few weeks of my children being ill and still trying to keep on top of my deadlines, I was really looking forward to a few days of being able to get on with work without interrruption. I am still exceedingly grateful for the time my parents have graciously given me this week, but being apart from my children is making me realise how much I miss them, and how grateful I am to God for them. I am desperate to hold them, to tell them I love them, to play their silly games that often drive me insane – and they’ve only been gone one night! But it wasn’t until they went away that I felt the full force of how I feel about them – and I am quite overwhelmed. I think God longs for us to slow down and take stock regularly – to actually be calm enough to take in our surroundings and learn to live with a heart of gratitude, being thankful for what He’s given us – but mostly for His presence with us day by day.

A friend of mine started the year challenging the group of mums we meet up with to keep a thankfulness diary – to write down at least 5 things we are thankful for every day. I started off very diligently, and found that doing it at my desk just before I started working really lifted my spirit and helped me to view my day differently. It gave me positive eyes as I looked for the good in things, rather than getting bogged down straight away. I wonder – how do you make the time to be grateful?

Is my life about promoting God…or myself?

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I have steered clear about directly commenting here on the raging debate that occurred as a result of Driscoll’s interview in Christianity. I have written a few comments on other people’s blog responses, however, and it is the whole idea of celebrity Christianity that has stuck with me, and many others too. As a newbie writer I am held in that tension of wanting/needing to promote myself but it is far too easy to get caught up in the whole process of trying to get yourself known. As a Christian isn’t that beside the point? It’s all about dying to self and revealing the wisdom and glory of God through the way we live. I know when you make your living from an industry that hardly ever takes notice of unknowns there is an inevitability about trying to promote yourself to a certain degree. But the celebrity culture we have in western Christianity today is quite strange and there is something in the recent debate that we should probably be very grateful for – it has made a lot of us uncomfortable and made us turn to look at our motives once again.

Here’s what I wrote in response to one helpful blogger (and then thought it could quite easily be a posting on my own blog…so here it is! 🙂 ):

As a new-ish writer I’m always so excited about new contacts I meet, but also get really frustrated when I see what a small world the Christian media world can be – and because I’m not that known I can be overlooked. I was having a little moan to God about this one day when I was suddenly stopped in my tracks – I read something a well-known worship leader wrote a few years ago but it was as if God himself was talking to me, reminding me that I’m called to be faithful where I’m at. Chasing after status can so easily distract you from the needs that are right in front of you. As a busy mum, church/worship leader, school governor etc I come across needs all the time. Am I doing all I can to serve those right in front of me or have I started to get impatient when someone starts taking up too much of ‘my’ time? Time I could be spending researching and writing? And why do I get disappointed when I read someone with a ‘name’ writing on a subject I know I could write on easily – or have pitched similarly in the past but was turned down? I have to remind myself to be grateful for every single opening God does provide for me, and juggle that with my other responsibilities closer to home. And yes, when you do have a platform of any sort at all there comes an added responsiblity. I have been writing about family issues, marriage and worship leading in the last week. But if I take a look at my own marriage, family, worship of God and discipleship of the worship team I am responsible for do those hold up to the same scrutiny I’m asking other people to do in my writing? The last thing I want to be is a hypocrite – and yet I think there are times that I am.

I think perhaps the thing we all need to bear in mind is that our lives, and our works, will be refined through the fire – and those things that were not of lasting, eternal worth will be burned up. Are we seeking after and promoting those things that will stand up to that test? God says that when we feed or clothe one of the least of them we are feeding or clothing Him – is that something we always remember or are we eager to get through that aspect of our ‘ministry’ so that we can turn our attention back to something that we feel will benefit us, or our careers? It is horrible to write that down in black and white and then read it back – and I’m sure that is not how any of us set out. But, honestly, when I’m tired and juggling too many things my patience and humility is in short supply and I guess there is a small element of that in the way I perceive things. If this whole Driscoll episode causes some of us to re-evaluate and re-prioritise then some good will have come as a result. Whether we agreed with him or not, were offended or not, isn’t the point. Can we look at our lives and be happy with the way they are going in terms of promoting God and His kingdom, rather than our own statuses and agendas?

 

Is He getting through to you?

I have become uncomfortably aware that God is obviously trying to get through to me, and using any means possible because I haven’t been listening too well recently. Everywhere I’ve looked, through conversations I’ve had – and even in my kids’ toddler bible notes – I’ve been hit with the story of Martha and Mary again, in particular of being too busy to hear God. Throw in some comments on keeping a lid on those careless words that can come out of our mouths so easily and that about sums up the simple, but exceedingly important, message He’s been trying to get me to listen to. A horrific morning with my kids (while my husband enjoyed a church men’s breakfast of course!) really brought things to a head – I found myself screaming at my daughter and then breaking down and I realised the way I handle my kids when they push all my buttons is not healthy in the slightest. After we’d worked through it, I’d said my sorry and they’d apologised for the things they’d done wrong we sat down for a late breakfast and yes, that’s when the Martha/Mary story appeared again. I can find it quite ironic now my writing work has picked up, that I’m writing pieces about spiritual disciplines/prioritising so God isn’t pushed out and yet I’m getting less and less time to spend with Him myself. Surely He’s the source of everything – where all my ideas and creativity should be coming from. And yet… trying to keep up with all the news, online debates and deadlines means He often gets pushed to the back, becoming a spectator in my life rather than the driving force behind it. I am fascinated by some of the really huge debates that people have been grappling with recently – and they have certainly made me think (particularly when I don’t think I have a coherent enough answer in my head for why I don’t agree with some of the postings). But I have this little voice nudging at me every so often, making me realise that to be able to say anything of worth both in these debates and in my writing I need to take a step back and mull things over with God Himself. It is crazy that sometimes I feel like I just don’t have the time to do that – but that’s honestly what has gone through my head at times. This week I read Jill Briscoe’s comments about how hard it was when her kids were young and Stuart was travelling so much – and about how bitter she got. And that resonated with me. Not because my husband is away from home – the positive difference it has made to our family life with him becoming a pastor rather than sticking with his record producing career has been incredible. But I can get fed up and, yes, bitter at times when I see others being able to go to conferences at the drop of a hat, being able to network more than I can yet and also when my husband can just focus on one thing and shut everything else out when my office door always has to be open to our kids whatever deadline I am up against. And yet this is my life, my path – the things I believe God has called me to. So why can’t I learn to stop fretting and trying to do it all in my own strength and spend a little time drawing aside with God so that He can give me the grace – and everything else I need – to do it to the best of my ability?

Entering an office again…

Next week I have the privilege of commencing a month’s work with Idea magazine as a consultant writer for them. For the first week I will be in-house every day learning the ropes, meeting everyone etc and after that will go in for meetings and when I can (as obviously I have little people to look after at home after school/pre-school!). I was really pleased when I was asked months ago if I would like to do this, and that feeling hasn’t changed – I’ve just experienced a few others alongside it! I was fine up until the point that my husband asked if I was nervous. I have been so busy finishing off editorial jobs, continuing research for articles due in January and trying to get on top of all the Christmas and birthday shopping that I hadn’t stopped to think. But when I was asked head on the answer had to be yes. It didn’t help when he said he would be petrified – having to meet all those new people, work in an office and ‘perform’ as it were – be enthusiastic, forthcoming with ideas, creative etc. I guess that is all on my mind – mainly because I want to be the help they obviously need for this month, and want to do my best/make a good impression etc. But after almost 12 years of working from home I wonder how I will fit into the office environment again. Part of me is really looking forward to the commute – to having time to myself to read and ponder (all you mums out there will know what precious little time there is for that these days…). Another part is having to gear myself up for the hour’s journey before I can sit down and do any work – I’m so used to a 30-second commute to my office! And I’m wondering how it will impact my relationship with my kids over the next month. I know I was over stressed finishing off the last job I did, and trying to do that at a weekend with all the family in the house was really really hard. But knowing I will be leaving the house before they are even dressed and only getting back at dinner time is going to be so so strange. I am going to try and ensure I am back to eat with them and do bath time and bed time stories but it is still going to be so far from the norm it will seem weird. I know I can struggle and moan about the difficult juggling act I have trying to fit in working around taking and picking up kids from school, going to playgroups, taking my eldest to ballet and the various church responsibilities I have, but I do realise I am so blessed to be able to work part time from home and still be there to do all those things. I am hoping to learn more about what it is like for the majority of working mums this week, so that when I do write about that juggling act I don’t say things that are patronising. I know I have it much easier than many others – but that’s not to say it’s not a challenge. And this month will be a new and different type of challenge. I have so enjoyed the opportunities God has opened up for me this year, and it is great to use my brain again to converse on a professional level with adults rather than simply take part in child activities. I just hope my brain is up to the change in ratio between those two things! ;D

 

A positive turn of events…

I seem to start all my entries these days with phrases such as ‘I know it has been a long time’… and here I am at it again! The last few weeks have been gruelling – not due to work, which I am afraid has had to sit on the back burner. I’ve simply been getting through each day – and night. The virus that is going around hit our household big time, and my youngest has been up night after night. Sleep deprivation is something I find so so difficult, and I admit I was getting pretty down. It didn’t help when, after our newly introduced family DVD night, he slipped and cut open his chin – the second trip to A&E with him! But last night he slept through for the first time in weeks – yay! And even more positive is that my attitude and conversations with God had changed before then! 😉 I don’t know if it was because it was such a beautiful, crisp day yesterday, but I found myself walking to my mum and toddler group full of thankfulness about the blessings God has poured on me. Okay, life had been tough – but I have two beautiful children, a wonderful husband and I’m making my way in a career that I love and can fit around family life. When I got home I was greeted by a message to say I had some more editorial work offered – to edit Jeff Lucas’ new book (which I found rather exciting!). I also suddenly realised an article I’m working on has the potential to be developed into a great book too, and managed to chat this through with a publisher. I made some great contacts for that too yesterday and, on top of that, feel that God just ‘dropped’ an idea for another piece of writing into my head. I was soooo excited yesterday afternoon and was brimming over with information that I just ‘had’ to share with my poor husband, who was trying to concentrate on his work in another room of the house! Well, if he will work from home too what does he expect?! 🙂 After calming down I had time for reflection and realised that, in less than a year, God has really helped me develop my career in a totally different direction. The contacts I have had for years in the publishing industry just seem to no longer get in touch with me. I was quite down about that for a while – after my first child they carried on giving me work, but after my second it was becoming a huge slog to find work with them – they blamed the economic climate and I know that is true, but I also know not being available full time had a lot to do with it (even though I have never missed a deadline and they have always been happy with my work). But now I realise God was making room for the writing and editing work He had in store for me. I have a lot of editorial work, but it is all with new Christian clients and I’m loving it! I have also had some real encouragements with my writing – people coming back to me about ideas I submitted back in the summer, accepting some straight off and changing their mind about others! I’ve now got some new book ideas too, which is wonderful because I really felt like I wanted to write another book but wasn’t quite sure what direction to take that in. There are still magazines I really want to have articles in that I haven’t managed to yet, and that is quite frustrating, but I feel like I’m now writing about the subjects closest to my heart and that I actually feel I have something of worth to say about. I realise what a great privilege that is, and am so grateful to God…

The wisdom of the ages

Life has been hectic to say the least – hence my lack of posts recently. But something occurred that has drawn me back to writing here again. Since school went back my eldest – my daughter – has been having great fun, and doing brilliantly, but her attitude at home has been really difficult for me to deal with. Her homework is harder – she is doing so well with her reading her books are really long now – and now she is over the initial excitement of getting more grown up books she seems to lose interest quickly because she is tired. It doesn’t help that her brother is either crawling all over both of us or crying at reading time! But this morning she totally lost it. Her world seemed to fall apart because she looked in her lunch box and told me I had given her too much to eat. I couldn’t believe it – I thought I’d made her a lovely lunch. So, feeling a little hurt already, I asked her what the problem was. I was met by a torrent of tears. Eventually I was told she only has 14 seconds to eat lunch – to which I snapped back she was now being silly. Apparently one of her friends talks to her all the time and demands answers so she feels like she doesn’t have enough time to eat, and she has a lot left when they are told to eat up because it is almost time to leave. It seems like such a simple, ridiculous situation – but to her, a six year old, it is a disaster that she is struggling to cope with. There is the social element – they are still working out friendship dynamics and all of them seem to be lacking the understanding that they need to wait for each other to speak and listen nicely (and they crowd one another) – but it also made me realise however confident she now seems she is still a shy little girl.

It is worship practise tonight – and last time we finished early so I asked everyone to pray with each other. What followed was a wonderful time mainly focusing on my family – praying for our protection as we are one of the pastors’ family plus I was leading worship that week. Someone spoke wisdom and grace over us – particularly over the difficulties we’d been facing with our daughter – and it suddenly struck me that Grace is her middle name. And yet I’d been forgetting to speak and pray that over her. That is what the situation needed – God’s grace! And it still does. She left for school this morning and I crumpled and cried out to God that I didn’t know how to deal with her anymore. But I know who does. And I’m going to keep calling on the wisdom of the ages, and asking Him to impart some of that to me so I know how to do my daughter good, and encourage her to be loving, open and honest when at home, as well as at school. I know it won’t be easy, but recognising I can’t do it in my own strength and asking for His help is a big step forward. So, whatever difficulty you are facing today the wisdom of the ages is what you need too – don’t forget to call on Him.

Toilet training miracle!

I have to write about this as I still can’t quite believe it is happening! I may really annoy some of you mums out there that are really struggling to toilet train, but I assure you I didn’t have it this easy with my daughter and tried all the advice given in every book I could get my hands on! But, this time round, I wasn’t even planning on starting toilet training yet. I knew the summer was the best time but couldn’t get a clear week to stay at home and focus on it – and as my second is a boy I had taken on board all the comments from friends with boys who said the later you leave it the easier it is. But my little one suddenly decided that he liked the Thomas the Tank Engine toilet seat that some of his friends have and, if I bought one, he wanted to use the toilet. I cautiously went out and bought the seat and some big boy pants just to test the water, but in the back of my mind thought if I had a morning of accidents I would stop and try in a few months – after all it was the day before his sister’s 6th birthday and I was manically busy! That first day he only had one accident – and that was when his sister was on the toilet already and he couldn’t hold on long enough. He has gone straight for the toilet – didn’t like the potty. Yes, the day of the party there were some accidents but that was understandable and somehow I took it in my stride (really not like me!). We’ve been to church since and there weren’t any accidents. On his first day of pre-school (only the 5th day) I thought a new place and new people to take him to the toilet would probably be too much so tried to get him to wear pull ups. He adamantly refused, saying he didn’t want to go back into nappies. He’s been dry at night too – working up to taking the nappies off then for good, but he woke me at 1am today to say he needed a wee so I think we are there with that too! I am totally amazed – but also extremely grateful to God for this extra blessing. It was a stress in the back of my head as I knew how much effort it had taken last time round and wasn’t sure how I was going to manage it – but now I haven’t had to! Oh yes we had a delightful episode that I know you will want to hear about – one that my husband has added into his preach for Sunday as it is a great illustration for being family and accepting that we do all make mistakes, even when we think we’ve cracked something! After doing a big poo on the toilet, my son toddled off to find his daddy and then said ‘I need a poo’ again. As he had just done one we didn’t think much of it but then his daddy realised he did and whisked him off to the toilet where he did another big poo. Not before leaving deposits about the house as he hadn’t quite managed to hold it all in! We had a leaders’ meeting starting straight after the kids went to bed, so there was manic cleaning going on then!

A chance to slow down

I know I haven’t written here for a while, and that is because life was much more manic over the school holidays than I was expecting. It has been wonderful to have much more writing and editorial work – things have really picked up – but trying to juggle that as well as the kids being home all the time has been difficult. I know there have been times when I have been short-tempered, stressed up to my eye balls and the hard part is when you know you have a deadline there isn’t much you can do – the work needs to be done. The reason I started working again was threefold really – I had felt God told me to start writing more and then some opportunities suddenly arose, since the recession we have definitely needed some extra input financially, and I have also really enjoyed concentrating on something other than kids’ stuff. Part of me is definitely fulfilled by all this – and I know I am meant to be doing it. But not at the expense of my kids and that’s been a really difficult thing to try and balance.

I noticed particularly on holiday that things had been pretty askew. I had piously posted on someone else’s site that I was so looking forward to my holiday as I usually have a chance to really spend time journalling and talking with God about those things I hadn’t had time to in the previous busy months. But, of course, that didn’t happen this time round. We were at a wonderful place, but didn’t spend too much time there as we had full days out and about. What I did really enjoy was the focused time with my kids, doing all the fun things we had saved up our tesco vouchers to pay for! And I realised that when I came back I wanted to be able to put things more in balance.

I can’t pretend that I’ve worked out the answer – it has really appeared itself due to my son’s age. But this week he started pre-school and I have made a real effort to work hard in the few hours of the day he isn’t here, and stopped trying to loads of other things when the kids are back around and instead have taken time to do activities with them. So far we’ve had worship parties (dancing about like crazy people and singing at the tops of our voices), pretended a duvet is our home and snuggled under it for ages and made wooden dolls. I don’t know if I’ll be able to compartmentalise my life so neatly throughout the year – I’m sure there will be times of extra work busyness – but I’m so grateful for the chance to slow down and at least try to start the term off in the way I hope to continue…

A pioneering woman, pt 6

Here is the next part of my interview with Wendy Virgo.

I know you had a challenging period in your life with a son who was rebelling against your beliefs. How did you hold fast during that time?

This is often a matter of heartache to godly parents, and we experienced a very painful period of about five years when one of our sons who had been a bright Christian as a young boy wandered far from God in his teens. He got among other young men who influenced him badly and began to drink to excess and take drugs. It was as if a pane of glass came between us: he could see us, but not hear what we were saying! Communication was very difficult. He made bad choices and became distant, unresponsive and miserable.

What held us fast in those days were the promises of God. We had prophetic promises and Bible verses that we regularly declared in prayer. We had times of fasting, we prayed in tongues, we prayed in English, we refused to believe that the enemy would win! And one day, he had an encounter with the Lord that changed everything…

I had been engaging in an intense time of prayer and fasting for a few days. One morning he stumbled out of his room and said, “God has been speaking to me all night!” He went off to work, only to phone me in tears during the morning to say that, suddenly an old song, “Thank you for the cross” had come to mind. As he hummed it quietly, suddenly the presence of God fell upon him and he was completely overwhelmed by His love. God brought him back to Himself and restored him and healed him. He went on to university where he got a good degree in history, and subsequently became a pastor.

A pioneering woman, pt 4

The final parts of my interview with Wendy Virgo will come at a faster pace – so I can post them all before I go offline for a week! 🙂

In an age of family breakdown within society do you have any comments on the challenges facing Christian families today, and is there anything that particularly concerns you?

I think life has become much more complex and less predictable now. The challenges today are different: in some ways life is easier, in others, much harder. We have become used to things that used to be luxuries: washing machines, microwaves, televisions, large fridge/freezers. We take good hygiene and sanitation for granted, and health care. But I am sad that many values that once were generally upheld have declined; for example marriage itself is now under attack, and indeed has a very loose definition. A “family” used to mean biological parents (of course, some were adoptive) being responsible to provide a home and nurture their offspring, but now this has become a vague term.

I think parents today have to fight against increasingly hostile attitudes to Christianity, and work hard to teach and train their children – and create and maintain a godly ethos in their homes. I am absolutely amazed at many of the young families that I know who are very committed to this and serious and intentional about raising their children to love God and honour Him with their lives. My own children and their spouses are doing an incredible job, and I really admire them.

Another cause for concern for me is the decline in Bible knowledge, even among Christians. The United Kingdom is now a multi-faith society and it is right for individuals to have some knowledge of other religions as we learn to live side by side; but it is depressing that the average person has a very hazy idea about even the basics of Christianity.