My house is sooooooo quiet. I have found it really difficult to re-adjust to having mornings to myself after half term. The house was full to bursting with fun, friends and food all week. So much so that I did feel a little guilty about how little work I’d done – but I was really grateful that we had so many great moments as a family. But after my daughter went off to school, and I was getting my son ready to go to pre-school, yesterday I had one thought in my head: ‘I can’t wait for some silence’. It wasn’t that I hadn’t enjoyed our time together – just that I was missing the balance. And I think so many of us in our crazily busy lives miss that all the time – and get so locked into our routines that we actually don’t notice. To be honest, when I had the silence and the space yesterday morning I couldn’t settle down to anything. I was fidgety and couldn’t concentrate. I think part of me had forgotten how to just sit still and be, and how to allow myself to slow down and engage with God in the quietness. There is always so much to get done, and so many things to tick off of a list, but I think God often looks down on me and wonders when I’m going to get it. When I’m going to understand that He doesn’t need me to be rushing about ‘doing’ things for Him – whether through my work or service to my family or church. That what He longs most of all is to spend some quality time with His daughter. So this week I’m celebrating the silence – and trying to re-engage with the discipline of sitting still in that silence and learning from the master….
Category: Worship as a lifestyle
A BIG weekend = BIG fun! :)
It has gradually dawned on me over the last day or so that we have a manic weekend ahead, and I should really be preparing for it. I can tell I’m tired because instead of rushing about ‘doing’ things, packing and creating lists, I’ve been procrastinating! Anyway, this weekend we will be enjoying three different events that are providing us with unique opportunities to reach out, have fun with our children and make links – both with possible clients but also with neighbours and friends.
The Diamond Jubilee is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and my daughter has grabbed hold of it particularly enthusiastically – she knows more about the royal family than me now! And, to kick off our weekend of fun, we are attending my daughter’s school’s jubilee street party. She has been deciding on what dress to wear for weeks, and has been busy practising the songs they are going to be performing for us. It promises to be a real treat – last year’s royal wedding street party was great fun – if a little noisy and chaotic! ;D
On Saturday we are heading to TheBigChurchDayOut. Armed with my press pass and list of possible questions for the artists, I’m thrilled to finally be able to make it. Having interviewed organiser Tim Jupp earlier in the year, which allowed me to learn more about his heart for the event, has made me intrigued and I’m looking forward to experiencing it for myself. I’m also hoping to catch up with people I’ve been working with – and others I hope to work with in the future. I’m not quite so sure whether we made the right decision when we allowed ourselves to be talked into taking our kids – who are 6 and 3 (although their older cousins are rather excited about the prospect of showing them round and looking after them – hooray!). And looking at the programme there does look like a lot of things for children to do – and Tim assures me it is a big day out for all the family. I guess having mine there will enable me to really test whether that is indeed the case…
On Monday our road will be closed as we host one of the 110 street parties going on in our town alone! I think it is fantastic that so many people have gotten together with their neighbours to organise these parties. Ours is definitely an ambitious one and a small committee of us have been meeting and planning for it for a long time now. There have been fraught moments, when it looked like the budget had been blown, or people disagreed over decisions. However, overall, it has been a fantastic way to get to know the neighbours better (although ours are all pretty friendly anyway – people who spend time with us always comment on how our road is like the one on Neighbours). But even though we are a pretty friendly bunch life is so busy that we rarely get much time to spend with each other. Our fantastic next door neighbours are also now in our church so it has been great that the wife, who is now retired, has been so helpful with the street party preparations, and we have had opportunities to mention the church in a casual way (as my husband is one of the pastors they know we are church goers anyway – and he is down to say the Jubilee Grace on the day). We are also able to help add to the festivities by lending the church face paints (and inviting a few of our best face painters along to the party!). It is moments like these that I think just being there, having fun, helping out and being honest about who we are can really enable us to be Christ’s ambassadors. That truly is worshipping God through our lives. It’s nothing heavy – just fun and friendship. And I know our kids are just going to love it – the thought of memories being created and shared by my family and our neighbours is wonderful.
So here’s to this weekend – just looking at what I’m going to be up to is making me tired – but also making me smile! 🙂 Whatever you are doing I hope you enjoy it x
What a week under par has taught me
This has been a very strange week for me. It all started with my daughter coming down with a very violent sickness bug that has been going round her school. She was up a lot one night being sick, spent the next day very listless but then bounced back. Then my husband and I both went down with it the same night – all night. The next day we were laid out completely, having to call on friends to do our two different school runs. But then he bounced back…and I didn’t. It’s taken me all week to be able to eat a full meal – and I’m still not eating plenty of items as the thought of them makes me feel super sick. I still feel slightly nauseous constantly.
I’ve had to force myself to eat to ensure I’m well enough to look after my kids – and earlier in the week we had the struggle of both kids playing up because our routine was disrupted due to our sickness. Just when we asked them if they could be extra helpful and good they did precisely the opposite – and we both felt too ill to deal with it. To be honest, I’ve been pretty short-fused with them all week. It’s just plain hard work to get on and do all the normal things a parent has to while I feel like this.
But I can also see that this week has done me a lot of good. Just slowing down so I only do the bare necessities has actually made me realise what a lot of rushing about I do – and made me wonder whether I need to do absolutely all of it. I’ve been really challenged recently about the fact that I feel I have my finger in so many pies, how many of them am I actually doing to the best of my ability? And what room is there in my life for those people that really need me to down tools and help them at a moment’s notice?
It has also given me a renewed admiration for people who cope with illness long-term. That is a subject on my heart at the moment, and I’m hoping to write about it soon. How do people who suffer with something day in day out keep their head above water, keep believing and trusting in God’s promises? People like my mum, who struggles with some horrible illnesses and has been suffering from terrible nausea for months and months that no expert seems to be able to get to the bottom of despite countless tests. I was talking on the phone to her after she had been away for a few days with my dad. I was saying how I’d been feeling and what a struggle it had been, and then she told me how she had had to come face to face with her limitations yet again while away. How hard that must be when you are on holiday, as you can’t ever take a holiday from your sickness…
This week has also made me grateful at times. When I first started feeling well enough to eat again I was grateful; when I first felt able to drive again too. When I felt well enough to tidy up a bit I was glad – as the state of the house was getting me down. And the sense of achievement of getting the bits of work done I needed to this week was much more intense than usual – because I’d had to battle through more than normal too. While I did struggle with resentment at times about some of the things I had to carry on and do even though I didn’t feel up to them, it has actually been really nice to hide away and spend most evenings at home on my own or with my husband just doing very little. I think we all need regular periods of time like that – perhaps my next one was so long overdue that God allowed this sickness to really knock me out so that I actually did slow down for a change!
I wonder whether your week has been ‘the same as usual’ or if you can look back and see something you’ve learned afresh. Do you regularly take the time to take stock and think about what your days have been filled with, and what God may have been trying to teach you through your everyday circumstances? I think I look for such things more regularly now that I am writing, but it is certainly a beneficial habit for us all to cultivate…
Let it rain!
Those of us who live in the UK have experienced a deluge of rain this week. It seems bizarre that in our country we have suddenly taken by surprise by the rain but, after such a long time without significant rainfall, it has been a bit of a shock. I’ve found it particularly difficult because my son’s bedroom has a flat roof, which makes the rain seem really noisy and he gets scared and doesn’t sleep well at night. So this week I’ve been getting more and more tired.
This all culminated in me feeling rather miserable yesterday – it seemed that every time I had to go out the rain intensified. Where my son attends pre-school is literally at the end of our road, simply a minute’s walk away, but on our way back the heavens literally opened and we were saturated. Thursday is the afternoon that we are in and out constantly – to playgroup, school pick up, his sister’s ballet lessons etc so I gave up and thought there was no point in changing us after each soaking as we were just going to get drenched again.
Then, as I stomped around in a bad mood, I felt a small tug in my spirit. I knew what it was about as I’d felt it in the biggest downfall I’d been caught in – but now I paid attention. And my heart leapt in agreement with what it was hearing – and I realised I didn’t need the rain to stop – I wanted to shout ‘Let it rain more! Let my soul be saturated!’ It was a sudden realisation that, like our land desperately needs the rain, my spirit needs more of His Spirit. I’m tired, not sleeping well, busy catching up on work after the holiday, preparing to lead worship this Sunday and now also preparing to speak alongside my husband when he preaches. I can’t do any of this in my own strength – God I need a soaking! I need to remain wet day in day out!
I am so grateful for days like yesterday – yes it was hard work but when God breaks in and reminds me (in a highly practical demonstration!) of my need for Him it makes me realise how over-busy and un-reliant on Him I can be. The challenge is not to lose that sense of dependency and to tackle the tasks with Him alongside me, guiding me by His Spirit.
Taking the time to be grateful
This week is half term for us. It should be a manic time, with me juggling my workload with two exuberant children who want to get out and do things. But yesterday my kids were picked up to have a little ‘holiday’ with my parents. They were so excited – and secretly I was very relieved as I have a huge pile of work to get through. I know there are probably loads of you out there that would do anything to have a bit of time to yourselves, and that is how I feel quite often too. However, this morning I’m totally on my own – my husband was out for a breakfast meeting before I got up so, for the first time in years, I’ve got ready and had breakfast on my own. And, to be honest, it’s been quite hard. I have a pull on my heart, as it feels like there is something missing. I’ve been singing worship songs at the top of my voice to stop feeling lonely. Now I know this will pass as soon as I get my head down and get on with work, but I just felt that I needed to stop and let myself really experience how I’m currently feeling rather than rushing on. God seemed to be nudging me while I was preparing breakfast. We are embarking on the HTB Worship Central course tonight with our worship team, so I am speaking all about how central worship is. I’ve been looking at how worship is what we were made for – but when I started feeling the pangs of missing my children this morning God spoke to my heart in a way I wasn’t expecting. He simply whispered a reminder that that is how I should feel whenever I don’t get a chance to speak to Him. It really challenged me as I thought of how busy I normally am each morning – how I rush from one thing to another and often don’t even notice that I’ve not started the day connecting with Him. I hope I can remember this pang for a long time, and what it stands for.
It is true that often it isn’t until we don’t have something, or someone, that we realise how much it/they mean(s) to us. Having had a few weeks of my children being ill and still trying to keep on top of my deadlines, I was really looking forward to a few days of being able to get on with work without interrruption. I am still exceedingly grateful for the time my parents have graciously given me this week, but being apart from my children is making me realise how much I miss them, and how grateful I am to God for them. I am desperate to hold them, to tell them I love them, to play their silly games that often drive me insane – and they’ve only been gone one night! But it wasn’t until they went away that I felt the full force of how I feel about them – and I am quite overwhelmed. I think God longs for us to slow down and take stock regularly – to actually be calm enough to take in our surroundings and learn to live with a heart of gratitude, being thankful for what He’s given us – but mostly for His presence with us day by day.
A friend of mine started the year challenging the group of mums we meet up with to keep a thankfulness diary – to write down at least 5 things we are thankful for every day. I started off very diligently, and found that doing it at my desk just before I started working really lifted my spirit and helped me to view my day differently. It gave me positive eyes as I looked for the good in things, rather than getting bogged down straight away. I wonder – how do you make the time to be grateful?
Socially networking, but how is your connection with God?
As usual, I have had many ideas for blogs running through my head but little time to write them. And my time today has been cut down even more – for lovely reasons though. It was the last day of my children’s holiday before school starts back. We had a friend drop by in the morning and then this afternoon we took a spur of the minute decision and went to the cinema. It’s been a really precious time – but that’s not the point of this blog!
What I want to think about today is whether our technogically based lives these days leave any space to properly connect with God. With phones that gives us instant access to the internet it means that not only can people reach us at any time, anywhere, we can also be constantly connected to twitter, facebook and other networking sites. And, be honest, how hard it is to ignore those status updates that show a new posting has come through?!
I obviously don’t know what your own personal devotional times with God look like, but I’ve been thinking about mine ever since someone I’ve been mentoring emailed to ask how much time she should be spending with God one on one, and how much time do I spend. At first I was rather disgruntled by the questions – after all it isn’t about quantity but about quality right? And each individual needs to work out how they best connect to God and when. But then I was ashamed. Ashamed and not wanting to answer her question. Because recently I’ve got busier and busier with work and I had to acknowledge the fact that making time for God has got harder. It has been significantly harder since having kids but the last quarter of this year I can look back and see I didn’t do much quiet dwelling in God’s presence. There was always a bit of work to do, the kids to sort, someone who needed my help at church – oh and a few hundred tweets to wade through. And I would say I’m worse off now.
Don’t get me wrong – I think the things we can achieve via the internet, and the connections we can make with other individuals (and for me the work contacts I’ve made) are fantastic. But keeping up with the very small amount of social networking I do has made it even harder for me to connect to God – because it is just one more thing that gets in the way – that I find vies for my attention and often wins over quality time with my maker.
I watched the last episode of Living with the Amish over the holiday period and, again, was challenged on the same point. One family had left the most strict Amish community and was going it alone. This meant they had embraced some technological advances – including the internet. The eldest daughter of the family was interviewed and she said that her brothers now have facebook and twitter. She said she didn’t know what they were (and didn’t want to know) but she was sad for her brothers, because they now wasted so much time that they could be reading God’s word – and she then patted her Bible as if it was her most precious possession. That really resonated with me. Not because I want to give up on the internet, but I do want to make sure my priorities are straight as I start this new year – with all the joys and challenges it will most certainly bring. How about you? Are you connecting with God as well as you are with others on the internet?
Are you ‘abiding’?
Last week’s sermon included the passage that was my favourite when I was growing up – John 15, the vine and the branches. One phrase kept cropping up on Sunday – ‘Abide in me’. I haven’t been able to shake it so far this week, and I think it may be because it is a lesson I need to relearn. So what does it mean to abide? I looked up some online dictionary definitions and I really like some of the words Brainy Quote uses to describe ‘abide’:
‘To wait; to pause; to delay. To stay; to continue in a place; to have one’s abode; to dwell; to sojourn; to remain stable or fixed in some state or condition; to continue; to remain; to wait for; to be prepared for; to await; to watch for; to endure; to sustain; to submit to.’
Wow. There’s a lot to digest in there. And I think the overriding sense is of taking your time, making space and waiting to hear from God. To linger with Him rather than ticking off time spent with Him as another job done successfully before rushing onto the next one. To truly abide in Him, which is how the Scriptures say we bear fruit as Christians, we need to open ourselves up to Him constantly – wherever we are and whatever we are doing. Now, as a mum of two small kids I have certainly learned the art of talking to God while doing a hundred and one other things. And I think that’s what He likes – He wants to interact with us in all our ‘daily doings’. But I also think it is important to draw aside and come before Him quietly each day. Our lives are so full of ‘noise’ and ‘stuff’ that we can be totally distracted even when we are supposedly communing with God! And He very rarely shouts at us – His is that still, small voice. How are we supposed to hear it when it is being crowded out by everything else? When did you last hear it? I have been really challenged by the fact that I am now writing and editing for Christian publications, so am spending more time in the Word and studying than I have done since the kids were born, and yet the craziness of my schedule means I don’t feel like I have connected with God intimately for a little while. I think the words ‘Abide in me’ are a gentle nudge to me that He’s missing me. How about you? Is He missing you too?
Body ministry
We were at a different church on Sunday. Visiting somewhere else that isn’t your home church, particularly when you are in leadership, can allow you to step back and look at your home church with fresh eyes. There were certain things we really enjoyed – and others that we missed from our ‘home’. One of the latter was the growing instances of contributions from the congregation – starting up songs, bringing prayers and scripture readings, singing spiritual songs and bringing prophecies and words. It made me reflect afresh on the scripture about this: 1 Corinthians 14:26, ‘ 26 What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.’ I think the key here is the last phrase ‘so that the church may be built up’. Okay sometimes it can get quite messy – or the contributions take the meeting off course as far as your prepared song list is concerned if you are the worship leader. But surely being family together means that our worship times are times for everyone to contribute. We all have giftings – and all can hear from God. Nowhere in the Bible have I found a reference to the worship leader being in charge, rather it says that when we come together ‘each of’ us has something to bring. I wonder what our churches would be like if every single member of the congregation came to church willing and prepared to contribute… I know as churches get larger the need for more organisation is necessary but I really hope as we grow even more we don’t stifle what the Holy Spirit is doing, don’t dampen people’s enthusiasm for bringing contributions. I so firmly believe in ‘body ministry’ – that we are all priests and God uses us all – and love to see this reflected not only on our Sunday mornings but in the way we care for one another during the week. It isn’t just about bringing a word or scripture on a Sunday morning, but about caring for the various parts of the body day in day out. That is why God has connected us – to look after each other and reach out to the world as one body. We need to make sure we are ministering to one another in a biblical, holistic manner so that we can truly be the body of Christ.
Is the tide turning?
Like everyone I have been sickened by the events that have been occurring in our country over the last 4 nights. I have refrained from blogging about it for a few reasons – firstly I am at home without my kids in order to concentrate on a large pile of editing work and have been distracted enough by the constant tweets and news reports. I also didn’t want to shoot off a response without having time to really process everything. But having a regular blog means that I do feel I need to put some thoughts down here.
Firstly, I have been ashamed to see the images being shown across the world revealing the state of our nation. I have also been heartbroken watching people lose homes and livelihoods. I’ve also felt pain when taking a step back and trying to look through God’s eyes. As a nation we have seemed so self-sufficient, and had no room for Him. But now people are looking for answers. And yes now I think the tide is turning and the time has come for the church to rise up. We have watched prophecies come true in regard to the financial crash. God has prepared us for these dark days and wants us to be his hands and feet on the ground. What wonderful images seeing everyone out with their brooms tidying up, being community together. And yet the problems in our society will not be so easily cleaned up or swept away. Those who have lost in this wanton destruction will need help far beyond the next few days. I was pained to read on the BBC website that twitters #prayforlondon was being viewed as an ’empty gesture’ while #riotcleanup seen as ‘positive social mobilisation’. We need both! Church we must stand up and be counted in these days! We are here for such a time as this and need to grab all the opportunities that come to us in the coming days. WE are those with the good news – the offer of future hope. Let’s make sure we don’t keep it to ourselves…
Singing spiritual songs
I referred to a worship conference that we took our team to a while back. One of the seminars I went to was on stepping out into spiritual songs. This is an area I want to grow in as I do do it on occasion. It was really interesting to hear about other people’s experiences and suggestions. I know that one of the things that was said was to simply sing the song and then stop – ie don’t go on too long or the anointing of what you were singing may be dampened. I can totally understand where that point is coming from and can recount instances of when that has happened. However – and this may be down to God’s graciousness to me more than anything else – my own personal experience has been that God gives me the words of the song as I’m singing and I simply stop when the words stop. That happened this Sunday. I often have the start of the song but no more, but this week I just had a little tune and nothing else – but knew I had to sing. I felt like I would literally burst if I didn’t! So I got the guitarist to carry on picking in the background and just went for it. (So unlike me – I usually have my keyboard as my comfort to hide behind!) The song kept coming, and kept flowing, and there was a definite refrain that kept coming back too. It seemed to go on for a long time – it was certainly the longest one I’ve ever sung – but the words were still flowing and still touching people. And then there were no more words so I stopped. I could look back now and dissect the song, decide on the little bits I could have left out, and possibly when I could have stopped earlier. But I find I can’t judge those things at the time – I just sing while I feel the anointing and stop when it feels right to. It is really hard to explain but the song does just simply dry up when it is time to stop. Because it is such a definite ‘start now’ and ‘stop now’ for me, I’m really interested to hear other people’s experiences – as it obviously isn’t the same for everyone. Anyone else got something they can share on this?