Tag: being honest

Lament in our everyday lives

Last week, we looked at how the Bible is full of lament and God invites us to lament in our everyday lives. The practice helps us to cling on to God and, as such, is a hope-filled action. We are now going to take a closer look at psalms of lament, and how we can utilise them in our own lives.

I don’t relish the experiences that have revealed how vital lament is to me, but I do cherish the renewed understanding that God has given us permission to vent all our anger, frustration, anguish, as well as our questions. I have come to view lament as part of my survival kit.

Lent is fast approaching: this is a time in the Church calendar where we traditionally wrestle with that ‘in-between’ time of confusion and bewilderment. The disciples watched all their hope seemingly die with Jesus on the cross and on that day and Easter Saturday there is often space held to consider our own despair, before the celebrations of Resurrection Sunday.

Psalms of lament

The pandemic has brought suffering to so many families, and this life is full of troubles (as well as joys). If you don’t regularly practise lament, perhaps you could take time this Lent to explore the subject more fully and think about the different ways you can utilise the practice in your own life.

To begin with, you could try finding a psalm that seems to echo the cry of your heart and turn it into a prayer – or write your own lament.

Let’s look more closely at a psalm of lament, to see the four stages that they often (but not always) work through:

Address: the psalmist speaks directly to God, often revealing a level of intimacy in the relationship.

Complaint: Laying out the questions and anguish in a raw, totally honest way.

Request: Putting a direct request to the One that they know can help.

Expression of trust: Often the psalmist remembers God’s past faithfulness and turns to worship, declaring their trust in God.

You can write your own psalm according to these stages, or try using them as a basis for prayer. We will look at ways of doing both here.

Example: Psalm 13

This short psalm shows the four stages very clearly.

Address: How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
Complaint [God far, enemies triumphing]:

How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Request [more personal ‘my God’]:

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

Statement of trust [and praise]: 5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

Psalm as a springboard for prayer

Here is an example of the way in which I use particular psalms as launchpads for my own prayers, utilising Psalm 13 again:

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me for ever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?

God I can’t see you at work in this situation. It feels like I am having to cope on my own. I know you are there – please reveal yourself to me. Show me you haven’t forgotten us.
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

This all feels relentless, and it does feel like the devil is having a field day. I am finding it hard to keep batting away the discouragement, and my own depression. How long is this going to go on for Lord?

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

We need you to move – we need release! Come and act, move so that those around will know that you are God. And bring me your discernment and wisdom to know what to do – and your energy. I am so tired Lord…

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

I do trust you Lord, however hard that is to say at times – and I do know that you are good and that your character cannot change. I also choose to worship you, singing songs of thanks, because I know they stir my heart and do me good. Thank you for the salvation you have brought me, thank you for the way you have led me in the past – and thank you for the way you have upheld my family. I know that you love them more than I do – and trust that you have a hope and a future for each one of us.

Writing your own lament

Here are some questions to help you if you would like to try writing your own lament psalm. Use the suggestions, if helpful, in order to be honest before God but also meditate on the fact that God is with you in all your troubles or simply begin to allow God to minister to the hurting parts of your soul.

• Start by thinking about what difficulty – circumstance, person etc – is causing you anguish/anger/ anxiety/pain. Write out a description, and also how you feel about it – try and name the emotions.

• Do you feel that God is with you in it, or do you feel that he is absent? Try and write out where you feel God is.

• To help you with the second half of your lament, brainstorm some characteristics of/truths about God that you know in your head (even if you don’t feel them in your heart currently).

• Remind yourself of some of the ways God has shown his faithfulness to you in the past.

Use the notes you have made as a starting point to write out an honest lament. Try and end the psalm with some positive statements of trust – even if you aren’t feeling them right now.

Choosing to be honest before God

There have been moments in recent years when the extraordinary depths of pain and grief have wracked my body and soul, and I have been unable to do anything but sob my heart out. But I have had to make the choice to either do that before God, or trying to hide from him. In all honesty, there have been moments of both – although I know he always sees us. But when I have come before him I have certainly felt less alone. It is lament that has helped me to do that. Ultimately, I know God is good and would never want to go through any of this without him – lament helps me to hang on to him. It is certainly a practice I wouldn’t want to be without in my everyday life now.

Time to be honest

‘Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up’ (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10).

Today I have enjoyed my monthly catch up with three other writers. We take time out to ask each other how we are generally, and how our writing is going. There was a common theme in our conversation, which I have noticed with other interactions I’ve had in recent days – we’ve had good days and bad days.

It was a breath of fresh air for me, as I have had a little run of harder days. We each need to remind ourselves that we all have our ups and downs, rather than feeling like a failure on the down days.

Particularly during this time of ongoing crisis, which continues alongside the monotony of being stuck indoors, there are days when we just don’t seem ourselves. It is OK to admit that – both to ourselves and to others.

I love the sense of being there for one another when we fall down, which is described so well in the Ecclesiastes verses. Last week I had what I would describe as a complete meltdown – everything seemed too much: work, family, church, relationships. I felt like I was totally spent and yet was still being pulled in every different direction possible.

Firstly, I needed to voice how I felt to God, and then to my husband. That helped. But I had a catch up chat booked in the same night with my close friends, and I struggled to decide whether I should share the same information with them, as they are in the church we lead. And yet, as soon as I did, I felt something lift.

Afterwards, I worried that I had overburdened them, although we had each shared honestly about our struggles as well as our joys. But I hadn’t. It highlighted to me, once again, that we are meant to live in relationship with others. We need each other, and in this time of isolation we need to find ways to be honest with those we trust about how we are coping, or not coping.

When one of us feels like we have fallen down, those around us can hold out a metaphorical hand to pull us back up. And we can do the same back to our friends when they need help and encouragement. Let’s not be too proud, ashamed or fearful to be honest with the people we trust. While it might be more difficult in this time of social distancing, we can still find ways to support one another.

Prayer: Thank You Lord that You have created us for relationship. Help me to remember that You long for me to be honest with You, but also that my friends and family are often Your hands and feet, helping to support me in practical ways. Help me to be the same for them, even during this challenging time.