Tag: Christmas

Unmasking Christmas: Find your way to hope through honesty, gentleness and joy

Photo by Tessa Rampersad on Unsplash

It is my absolute delight to welcome Abby Ball to my website today, as she shares how we can ‘unmask’ Christmas to find hope. This guest blog comes as she launches her latest book, Contemplating Christmas. I am thrilled to have endorsed it as it is such a refreshingly honest read that I would encourage you to get hold of for this Advent (I have included my endorsement at the bottom). So, over to Abby…

The Christmas adverts have been with us for weeks now, and they are very good at reminding us what Christmas is meant to look like. There’s supposed to be a happy family who loves spending time together in a beautifully decorated house. There’s meant to be a delicious feast, with an enormous pile of gifts under the tree. Everything is supposed to be sparkly and merry and fun. 

But what if it’s not? What if you’re facing difficult family issues? What if you’re living with grief and Christmas highlights your heartbreak and loss? What if you’re living with a chronic illness that won’t take a break for the holidays? What if you’re already overwhelmed, worn down and weary before the season has even fully begun? What might Christmas stories have to offer those of us who are hurting, exhausted and in despair?

I’d like to suggest three invitations, or practices, the Gospel stories offer us when things are hard, to help us find our way back to hope.

Be honest

With all the cultural expectations of happiness and fun that surround Christmas, it can be easy to pretend everything is OK, even when it isn’t. We can be tempted to put on a mask, fake our smile and act like we’ve got it all together. But the nativity stories of the Bible don’t do this. Luke’s Gospel opens with the painful story of Elizabeth and Zachariah’s long-term infertility. Then we hear about Joseph, who faces the heartbreak of thinking his fiancée has cheated on him. Still later in the story, we encounter the mothers of Bethlehem, whose babies have been murdered by the evil Herod. 

These are very personal, very painful stories and the Bible makes room for them. It doesn’t gloss over them or pretend they didn’t happen and God isn’t asking us to do that with our pain either. If you’re struggling this Christmas, you don’t have to pretend. Find a trusted person and tell them how you really are. Just saying those words “I’m not OK” can bring us a small measure of relief. 

Be gentle

This time of year we remember the way that Jesus, who was fully divine, fully God, came to earth and was born as a tiny baby. Jesus began his life on earth in exactly the same way we do. He was totally helpless and vulnerable, completely dependent on the care and kindness of his parents. This story of God-become-man helps us to understand that being vulnerable and having needs isn’t weakness, it’s just part of what it means to be human. Jesus had the same needs as we do: the need for food, shelter and warmth; the need for rest, safety and affection; the need for meaning, purpose and relationship with God. 

Of course, as we grow up, we take responsibility for meeting our own needs. But be very gentle with yourself, and remember that it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK if you haven’t got it all together and can’t do it all on your own. It’s hard to be vulnerable and admit to our own needs sometimes, but having needs is part of what it means to be fully human. 

Find joy

Sometimes it feels like joy is beyond our grasp. We want to feel happy but we’re still waiting for our big breakthrough, or changed situation. And sometimes joy can even feel inappropriate in the midst of so much suffering and grief in the world. 

But I think joy is closer that it might seem. There are big celebratory moments in the Christmas stories, but there are quieter ones, too. I think about the quiet moments between Mary and Jesus. I think about the shepherds, contentedly tending to their sheep. I think about light shimmering from that bright star leading the wise men. 

Joy was never meant to invalidate, or erase, our sorrow, but it can help us carry it with more ease. It can help us to find delight, even in the midst of what’s hard. Joy dares to believe there are good, beautiful things worth celebrating, and that suffering isn’t the end of our story. Advent is a great time to lean into small joys because there are so many of them around! The taste of a mince pie, the sound of a favourite carol, the sparkle of fairy lights or the tiny glow of warmth from a lit candle. Use your senses and see what small delights the day might hold for you.

A genuine hope

We can find hope this Advent through being honest, being gentle with ourselves and finding small moments of joy. It’s a genuine hope that doesn’t ask us to pretend, and doesn’t leave us to struggle along on our own. At Christmas we remember that Jesus is Immanuel, God with us, and he can make all things new.

Abby Ball was a primary school teacher for many years and now works as a freelance writer. Her work has been published in Fathom Mag, The Mudroom and Teach Primary. She lives in the UK with her husband, Tim, and their cat, Otta. Find more of Abby’s work at abbyball.substack.com, or on social media @abbyballwrites

Here is my endorsement of Abby’s book: ‘Abby has a beautiful, poetic style of writing that draws the reader in immediately. She has also managed to create a refreshingly different Advent devotional that is honest about the struggles and difficulties of life, but also invites us to push past the consumerism and cultural expectations of the season to draw closer to Jesus – even in the midst of our questions and hurting. Her reflection questions are insightful, helping the reader to really think and apply what they have been reading about, and the breath prayers are wonderful, easy takeaways to use throughout the day. This is a rich resource that offers a gentle yet powerful accompaniment to Advent.’

I have a series of blogs on hope on this site. For a sample of one click here.

Waiting this Christmas…and beyond

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Christmas is almost upon us, and yet still we are in that painful stage of waiting and longing – and it looks likely that it is set to continue well into next year. We wait for an end to the isolation, for the virus to be halted, to hug those we love…

TIME TO MOURN

I am writing to wish you all a Merry Christmas and peaceful New Year. However, I also feel it is important to acknowledge the pain and loss that will be felt during this year’s celebrations. We do need to cling to those things we can be grateful for daily, but there are moments when we simply need to weep – and it feels that now may be the time for some. Particularly for those who can no longer see those we long to visit and hold. The last-minute announcements have been for our good, but oh how they have cut deep. Please do give yourself time to mourn if you are struggling with the sudden change of plans.

LOSS OF CONTROL

So much of this year has been topsy-turvy, with many of those things we take for granted suddenly being taken from us. We have certainly learned that there is very little we actually have control over – may we remember that lesson in years to come. We have seen the absolute best of humanity too, with those working around the clock to protect and support the vulnerable and sick. But we have also seen some of the worst, as deep-seated issues have sadly come to the fore yet again.

OUR GOD IS NEAR

May we take the time to reflect on the fact that on that first Christmas, God was willing to come down into our huge mess in order to serve, heal and ultimately die for us. Yes we are suffering right around the world, and there is so much we do not understand, but he is not standing far off from us. And he is still the author and perfecter of our faith – the one constant in an ever-changing world. Lean into him for his peace, for his patience, kindness – and for his understanding. May we pray for eyes that see his perspective, and hearts that remain humble and open. 

Take care and lots of love to you this Christmas season xx

PS If you have suddenly found your plans changed this year, and are looking for ways to stay connected to God, one of the publishers I write for has put together an hour-long programme of videos, carols etc. My short reflection on walking with Jesus through disappointment and loss is within it. I hope you find it helpful.

Can we be honest about Christmas?

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I was thrilled to be asked to endorse Lucy Rycroft’s book Redeeming Advent earlier in the year. It was published in October and she is now in the throes of a blog tour – I am delighted to welcome her to my website today. And the fantastic news for you is that she has provided a free copy of the book for one of my regular readers to win! (Please see below for details of how to enter.)

It’s a privilege to be guest posting for Claire today. Her passion for honesty and authenticity has been inspiring and challenging me ever since I came across her writing.

Claire’s ministry is vital because, in real life and on social media, I’m increasingly noticing that people desire integrity over ‘relevance’. Once upon a time we all thought we had to dress a certain way, have a few piercings, act and speak ‘cool’ in order to draw others to Jesus.

But the gospel has always been, and will always be, more relevant than any of us could ever be. It doesn’t need glitz and glamour, it needs authentic people, sharing vulnerabilities and weaknesses, prepared to stand up and say ‘I struggle’ or, even, ‘I’m not very cool’.

This is the thinking behind my blog The Hope-Filled Family where I share the honest chaos (and believe me when I say it is chaos) of my family life. With four children aged 5–10, a clergy husband, an open home and a plethora of church and school commitments, we frequently boast laundry mountains, sinks full of dirty dishes, forgotten packed lunches and badly-dealt-with tantrums.

I mess up so much – and yet, in that mess, God affirms me as His daughter, Jesus redeems me from my failures and the Holy Spirit inhabits me with peace and joy.

THE BIRTH OF AN IDEA…

The blog is where my new book Redeeming Advent was birthed. In December 2017 I decided to write an Advent reflection for each day leading up to Christmas. This in itself could have been another item on my ‘failures’ list, but – by God’s grace – I made it to December 24th!

Each day I would take something that had happened that day – however mundane – or something ‘d been mulling over, and write what God might be teaching me through it. There was plenty of reality, honesty, humour and potential embarrassment, as I shared the highs and lows of our Advent that year.

Early in 2018 I found a publisher for these devotionals, so in the summer I found myself editing the whole lot, to tie them together in a way that would work for a book.

BEGINNING TO QUESTION MYSELF

During this editing process, as I read what I’d written the previous December, I started to think: Is anyone bothered about this? Do people care that I bought too much gift-wrap one year, or that I have a fear of under-catering, or that I don’t know how to use a real-life bookshop?

Of course all writers need to ask themselves questions as they write, challenging themselves to write deeper or more descriptively or in a more accessible style.

But the problem with the questions I was asking myself was that they were rooted in deep fear. Fear of what people would think of me. Fear of coming across like an idiot. Fear that literally no one would be able to relate to me. Fear that I was alone in my thoughts.

We read in 1 John 4:18 that ‘perfect love drives out fear’, and it can sound hollow to those of us whose fears are very real, very dominant and don’t look like they’re going anywhere. But I can tell you that it is only the love of God that made me confident to write openly and honestly about Advent: the fun traditions alongside the stresses and strains.

I have come to realise that I write for the people God puts in my path. That means it doesn’t matter if 99 people who read my writing think that I’m an idiot, if one person relates to what I’m saying so much that it draws them into closer connection with Jesus.

CULTURAL EXPECTATIONS

Letting go of the desire to meet others’ expectations as I write parallels the way I believe we need to let go of the cultural expectations of Christmas.

I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t decorate our trees, give presents or enjoy special meals – in fact, Redeeming Advent talks quite a bit about redeeming these ‘secular’ festivities to glorify God. 

But there are a lot of expectations around this time of year that weigh heavily on us, and these will be different for each one of us. 

Perhaps you are the person in the family who others expect to organise the Secret Santa/host Christmas/make travel plans – and it’s just draining all the joy out of you. 

Perhaps you’re a sucker for the John Lewis Christmas adverts, and feel you’ll never be able to meet this (unrealistic, by the way) cultural expectation of a beautiful Christmas from start to finish. 

Perhaps you feel the weight of your children’s expectations to provide elaborate presents, when you desperately want them to treasure Jesus first of all.

LET’S BE HONEST

This Advent, I want to plead with you: Can we be honest about Christmas? Please? Can we acknowledge the tricky family dynamics, the tight financial budget, the job uncertainty, the worry about our children, the state of our mental health, the marital difficulties, the grief, the loss, the sadness?

Because, if we do, I think we might discover better connection to others, as we share our burdens and empathise with the suffering of others.

And, even more importantly, I think we will discover more of the Jesus who came down to this damaged earth in a busy, messy way, who knew what it was like to be a refugee, an outcast, an oddball, a target of others’ attacks.

This, friends, is where we will find our perfect Christmas. Not in the perfectly arranged place settings at the Christmas table, nor in the perfectly coordinated baubles on our tree, but in the perfection of our Saviour, who endured the suffering caused by others, so that He might rescue us from ours.

Have a very blessed Christmas!

Lucy Rycroft blogs about parenting, adoption and faith at  The Hope-Filled Family. Her first book Redeeming Advent is an accessible 24-day Advent devotional and you can buy it here. Lucy lives in York with her husband Al and their four children.

BOOK GIVEAWAY!

Lucy has kindly provided a free copy for me to give away to one of my blog readers! To enter, please sign up to my mailing list below. If you are already signed up, simply make a comment about Lucy’s blog and I’ll include you in the draw. The deadline to sign up is Sunday 10 November – I’ll be choosing a winner on Monday 11 November.
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Slowing down during Advent

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I love Christmas. I love the preparations, the waiting, the build up of excitement, the putting up of decorations, the time spent devising menus. I love being involved in the music for carol services, watching our children’s excitement as they prepare for the nativity play. But, if I’m honest, I also struggle with the stress.

I see the start of Advent, and know that it’s a time of reflection – and I long to have the time and space to really enjoy it. However, I’m sad to say, the busyness of life so often crowds in as I rush to finish deadlines before the kids break up from school.

At this point in our calendar I’m focused most on getting our son’s birthday party celebrations organised, with the ever-growing list of jobs to do for Christmas weighing on my mind.

Even among all the activity, though, I can sense a longing in my soul. I am desperate to connect, to find the deeper meaning in this season. And I am desperate for our family’s experience of Advent to go beyond chocolate and calendars.

I am drawn to rediscover the meaning of waiting this Advent. Drawn to the character of Mary, and what this time meant for her. When we first meet her in the gospels she seems like a vulnerable young woman; betrothed to a respectable man in her neighbourhood. But one visit from an angel changes everything.

Mary’s response to that angel, after a few somewhat understandable questions, is simply ‘I am the Lord’s servant… May your words to me be fulfilled.’ (Luke 1:38) Incredible. I could never be that calm.

After visiting Elizabeth, Mary creates what is often referred to as the Magnificat, her song of praise (Luke 1:46-55). Through it she reveals she understands the way that God has blessed her for a special purpose. Mary recognises that God is a champion for the poor and oppressed too, and that God is fulfilling His promises to Abraham (and Israel) through what is to take place.

Whenever I look at those verses I am always taken aback. Granted, Mary has had a visitation from an angel, who has taken the time to explain things to her. Elizabeth has also recognised that the baby inside of Mary is the Lord so Mary has someone she can talk freely with. But still…

While Mary herself recognises she is highly favoured, she’s also in a time of waiting that is filled with so many unknowns. Will Joseph stand by her? If he does, will their society cast them out? And then, once the census was decreed, how will she cope with the long journey to Bethlehem and where will she give birth? (I’m sure that the idea of a stable never once entered her head!) What would her son be like? How would He make Himself known as the Messiah?

So many questions, yet the biblical account doesn’t reveal much about Mary’s state of mind. There seems to be a peace amongst the anticipation while the reality must have been messy, and deeply painful, at times. What surrounds this part of the Christmas story for me is stillness and patience; the atmosphere thick with pregnant hope.

While I pause for a moment to reflect and write this, I pray that I too can find that stillness and patience. That I too can look forward to the coming celebrations with hope, not allowing the stress and busyness that can so easily accompany this season to rob me of the precious gift behind it all.

This blog was originally published on Christian Today.

Worshipping the King this Christmas

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Christmas is almost upon us. Have you wrapped all the presents, bought the turkey, and started to make up beds for family and friends that will be staying with you?

This time of year is really busy isn’t it? There are a few Christmas services still to attend/run too. And what about those films your kids are desperate to see, and the now seemingly obligatory visits to Santa available at every shopping and garden centre…

 I asked you in my last column what you would do if God wanted to interrupt your plans this Christmas. Whether He has or not, how have you made room for Him in these last couple of weeks?

I know Christmas can be a really pressurised time of year, as there is simply so much to organise and the coming together of people who don’t see each other regularly can be stressful.

But amongst all the heightened commercialisation of the season, how have you been worshipping the King?

Black Friday showed us how much our culture worships material goods – people were fighting over things they really don’t need just to get a ‘bargain’.

So, as we approach Christmas itself, I think it’s really important to slow down, just for a minute or two, and ask, ‘Am I worshipping the King in my Christmas plans?’.

To read the rest of this article please click here.