Tag: healthy lifestyle

Let it rain!

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Those of us who live in the UK have experienced a deluge of rain this week. It seems bizarre that in our country we have suddenly taken by surprise by the rain but, after such a long time without significant rainfall, it has been a bit of a shock. I’ve found it particularly difficult because my son’s bedroom has a flat roof, which makes the rain seem really noisy and he gets scared and doesn’t sleep well at night. So this week I’ve been getting more and more tired.

This all culminated in me feeling rather miserable yesterday – it seemed that every time I had to go out the rain intensified. Where my son attends pre-school is literally at the end of our road, simply a minute’s walk away, but on our way back the heavens literally opened and we were saturated. Thursday is the afternoon that we are in and out constantly – to playgroup, school pick up, his sister’s ballet lessons etc so I gave up and thought there was no point in changing us after each soaking as we were just going to get drenched again.

Then, as I stomped around in a bad mood, I felt a small tug in my spirit. I knew what it was about as I’d felt it in the biggest downfall I’d been caught in – but now I paid attention. And my heart leapt in agreement with what it was hearing – and I realised I didn’t need the rain to stop – I wanted to shout ‘Let it rain more! Let my soul be saturated!’ It was a sudden realisation that, like our land desperately needs the rain, my spirit needs more of His Spirit. I’m tired, not sleeping well, busy catching up on work after the holiday, preparing to lead worship this Sunday and now also preparing to speak alongside my husband when he preaches. I can’t do any of this in my own strength – God I need a soaking! I need to remain wet day in day out!

I am so grateful for days like yesterday – yes it was hard work but when God breaks in and reminds me (in a highly practical demonstration!) of my need for Him it makes me realise how over-busy and un-reliant on Him I can be. The challenge is not to lose that sense of dependency and to tackle the tasks with Him alongside me, guiding me by His Spirit.

Is my life about promoting God…or myself?

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I have steered clear about directly commenting here on the raging debate that occurred as a result of Driscoll’s interview in Christianity. I have written a few comments on other people’s blog responses, however, and it is the whole idea of celebrity Christianity that has stuck with me, and many others too. As a newbie writer I am held in that tension of wanting/needing to promote myself but it is far too easy to get caught up in the whole process of trying to get yourself known. As a Christian isn’t that beside the point? It’s all about dying to self and revealing the wisdom and glory of God through the way we live. I know when you make your living from an industry that hardly ever takes notice of unknowns there is an inevitability about trying to promote yourself to a certain degree. But the celebrity culture we have in western Christianity today is quite strange and there is something in the recent debate that we should probably be very grateful for – it has made a lot of us uncomfortable and made us turn to look at our motives once again.

Here’s what I wrote in response to one helpful blogger (and then thought it could quite easily be a posting on my own blog…so here it is! 🙂 ):

As a new-ish writer I’m always so excited about new contacts I meet, but also get really frustrated when I see what a small world the Christian media world can be – and because I’m not that known I can be overlooked. I was having a little moan to God about this one day when I was suddenly stopped in my tracks – I read something a well-known worship leader wrote a few years ago but it was as if God himself was talking to me, reminding me that I’m called to be faithful where I’m at. Chasing after status can so easily distract you from the needs that are right in front of you. As a busy mum, church/worship leader, school governor etc I come across needs all the time. Am I doing all I can to serve those right in front of me or have I started to get impatient when someone starts taking up too much of ‘my’ time? Time I could be spending researching and writing? And why do I get disappointed when I read someone with a ‘name’ writing on a subject I know I could write on easily – or have pitched similarly in the past but was turned down? I have to remind myself to be grateful for every single opening God does provide for me, and juggle that with my other responsibilities closer to home. And yes, when you do have a platform of any sort at all there comes an added responsiblity. I have been writing about family issues, marriage and worship leading in the last week. But if I take a look at my own marriage, family, worship of God and discipleship of the worship team I am responsible for do those hold up to the same scrutiny I’m asking other people to do in my writing? The last thing I want to be is a hypocrite – and yet I think there are times that I am.

I think perhaps the thing we all need to bear in mind is that our lives, and our works, will be refined through the fire – and those things that were not of lasting, eternal worth will be burned up. Are we seeking after and promoting those things that will stand up to that test? God says that when we feed or clothe one of the least of them we are feeding or clothing Him – is that something we always remember or are we eager to get through that aspect of our ‘ministry’ so that we can turn our attention back to something that we feel will benefit us, or our careers? It is horrible to write that down in black and white and then read it back – and I’m sure that is not how any of us set out. But, honestly, when I’m tired and juggling too many things my patience and humility is in short supply and I guess there is a small element of that in the way I perceive things. If this whole Driscoll episode causes some of us to re-evaluate and re-prioritise then some good will have come as a result. Whether we agreed with him or not, were offended or not, isn’t the point. Can we look at our lives and be happy with the way they are going in terms of promoting God and His kingdom, rather than our own statuses and agendas?

 

Socially networking, but how is your connection with God?

As usual, I have had many ideas for blogs running through my head but little time to write them. And my time today has been cut down even more – for lovely reasons though. It was the last day of my children’s holiday before school starts back. We had a friend drop by in the morning and then this afternoon we took a spur of the minute decision and went to the cinema. It’s been a really precious time – but that’s not the point of this blog!

What I want to think about today is whether our technogically based lives these days leave any space to properly connect with God. With phones that gives us instant access to the internet it means that not only can people reach us at any time, anywhere, we can also be constantly connected to twitter, facebook and other networking sites. And, be honest, how hard it is to ignore those status updates that show a new posting has come through?!

I obviously don’t know what your own personal devotional times with God look like, but I’ve been thinking about mine ever since someone I’ve been mentoring emailed to ask how much time she should be spending with God one on one, and how much time do I spend. At first I was rather disgruntled by the questions – after all it isn’t about quantity but about quality right? And each individual needs to work out how they best connect to God and when. But then I was ashamed. Ashamed and not wanting to answer her question. Because recently I’ve got busier and busier with work and I had to acknowledge the fact that making time for God has got harder. It has been significantly harder since having kids but the last quarter of this year I can look back and see I didn’t do much quiet dwelling in God’s presence. There was always a bit of work to do, the kids to sort, someone who needed my help at church – oh and a few hundred tweets to wade through. And I would say I’m worse off now.

Don’t get me wrong – I think the things we can achieve via the internet, and the connections we can make with other individuals (and for me the work contacts I’ve made) are fantastic. But keeping up with the very small amount of social networking I do has made it even harder for me to connect to God – because it is just one more thing that gets in the way – that I find vies for my attention and often wins over quality time with my maker.

I watched the last episode of Living with the Amish over the holiday period and, again, was challenged on the same point. One family had left the most strict Amish community and was going it alone. This meant they had embraced some technological advances – including the internet. The eldest daughter of the family was interviewed and she said that her brothers now have facebook and twitter. She said she didn’t know what they were (and didn’t want to know) but she was sad for her brothers, because they now wasted so much time that they could be reading God’s word – and she then patted her Bible as if it was her most precious possession. That really resonated with me. Not because I want to give up on the internet, but I do want to make sure my priorities are straight as I start this new year – with all the joys and challenges it will most certainly bring. How about you? Are you connecting with God as well as you are with others on the internet?

A chance to slow down

I know I haven’t written here for a while, and that is because life was much more manic over the school holidays than I was expecting. It has been wonderful to have much more writing and editorial work – things have really picked up – but trying to juggle that as well as the kids being home all the time has been difficult. I know there have been times when I have been short-tempered, stressed up to my eye balls and the hard part is when you know you have a deadline there isn’t much you can do – the work needs to be done. The reason I started working again was threefold really – I had felt God told me to start writing more and then some opportunities suddenly arose, since the recession we have definitely needed some extra input financially, and I have also really enjoyed concentrating on something other than kids’ stuff. Part of me is definitely fulfilled by all this – and I know I am meant to be doing it. But not at the expense of my kids and that’s been a really difficult thing to try and balance.

I noticed particularly on holiday that things had been pretty askew. I had piously posted on someone else’s site that I was so looking forward to my holiday as I usually have a chance to really spend time journalling and talking with God about those things I hadn’t had time to in the previous busy months. But, of course, that didn’t happen this time round. We were at a wonderful place, but didn’t spend too much time there as we had full days out and about. What I did really enjoy was the focused time with my kids, doing all the fun things we had saved up our tesco vouchers to pay for! And I realised that when I came back I wanted to be able to put things more in balance.

I can’t pretend that I’ve worked out the answer – it has really appeared itself due to my son’s age. But this week he started pre-school and I have made a real effort to work hard in the few hours of the day he isn’t here, and stopped trying to loads of other things when the kids are back around and instead have taken time to do activities with them. So far we’ve had worship parties (dancing about like crazy people and singing at the tops of our voices), pretended a duvet is our home and snuggled under it for ages and made wooden dolls. I don’t know if I’ll be able to compartmentalise my life so neatly throughout the year – I’m sure there will be times of extra work busyness – but I’m so grateful for the chance to slow down and at least try to start the term off in the way I hope to continue…

A pioneering woman, pt 2

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The second part of my interview with Wendy Virgo:

How did you juggle supporting your husband and being involved in ministry while you raised such a large family? What were the biggest challenges?

Very early in our marriage, Terry and I redefined what we meant by “ministry”. Everything in our lives was to be seen as under the umbrella of serving God; there was no distinction between “sacred” and “secular”. So my ministry to God included loving and supporting my husband, loving and training my children and creating a godly and peaceful home and all the domestic activities involved in that. It also included praying, worshipping, seeking God for gifts of the Spirit and teaching and encouraging others. So as it was all ministry, I didn’t feel I was having to juggle home and ministry! But I did have to fight for time to study and pray, and I learned to pray while I was doing other things.

I found there were seasons in life, so that consistent times of prayer and Bible study were difficult after the birth of a new baby in the period of night feeds. I had to learn to talk to God while I was ironing or driving to the supermarket. There wasn’t much time for reading so I would learn to “feed” on a few verses of scripture. I also drew strength from being with others in prayer times etc. A young mum can feel very alone, so it is important to make time to meet with others.

As you said above that you had to fight for time to study and pray, could you share what you have found most useful for your own personal devotional times?

I have used different methods of personal study over the years. Sometimes I have followed a year plan; sometimes used daily notes. (I actually write for CWR’s excellent “Inspiring Women Every Day” series). I particularly like using the Bible Speaks Today series of commentaries edited by John Stott. I prefer to work through a book of the Bible rather than to jump about. That way you get a much more in depth understanding of the development of Biblical truth than if you just hop from one topic to another…although topical study can also have its place.

As the children grew up of course, the rhythm of life kept changing and now Terry and I are in the happy season of being able to pray together every day, which we really love!

Man I thought I was over this…

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This week I have been struggling a little with self-pity syndrome. Silly I know – distasteful to me too, and really rather annoying because I know part of it is due to the change in my emotions that occur with the monthly shift of hormone levels too. I spend a fair amount of time with women younger than me, in a friendship capacity but also a discipleship one. And I find time and time again that it is the issue of a poor self-image that crops up. It just seems to be rife among young Christian women. I can understand why, given the way our culture and media bombard us with images that, rather than ‘doing their job’ and encouraging us to aspire to be like the women pictured, belittle us and make us feel somehow of less worth than others. I am glad that we don’t all rush out to spend money on trying to be like those photoshopped models, but nevertheless those images do take their toll. I know I have had to fight to fill my mind with the knowledge of who I am in Christ, of how he sees me, but I confess since having two children and speeding ever closer to the big 40, being around younger women, or those supermums who have managed to have kids and still retain no ounce of fat on their bodies, does make me ashamed of my physical body at times.

But it isn’t just the physical. Sometimes I feel like a waste of space. I know that may come as a surprise to some, but I am still, at heart, a pretty shy person. I have to work hard to push myself through the barrier of wanting to just hide in a corner. I have worked particularly hard at it in church – just as well really as people do not expect a pastor’s wife to hide! Having lots of useful jobs helps – behind the scenes ones are my most comfortable but I am also happy leading worship and talking up the front now. However, put me in a situation that is fairly new to me, or where I am surrounded by much louder, more confident people, and I seem to shrivel a little. My natural instinct is to close down – especially if I try to speak up but someone louder speaks over me.

The reason for this week’s struggle is the age-old playground scenario. My daughter has a lovely bunch of friends, and the mums are nice too. However I am one of the quieter ones, and I can be ignored or overlooked at times. For the second time in recent weeks my daughter was one of the few not invited back to a friend’s house (actually this week she was the only one) and I was really upset for her. On top of that I learned that while I had been away last week they had arranged a group collection for the teachers and not included me. I thought I’d make a special effort and invite them all back after the kids break up on Friday, but one by one they texted back to say they had already arranged to go to the park. I really wished I hadn’t bothered at that point. Now my sensible hat knows that one of the mums knew I had bought a little something for the teachers already, so may have thought I didn’t need to be asked about the collection. And I also realise that I don’t always do the dropping off to school as my husband works nearby, so I probably just wasn’t around when they arranged the park. I don’t know if it is my ego, or my insecurity, but my reaction inside was to think that it isn’t that hard to think about who is missing from the group and send a quick text. So I immediately began to spiral and think that they obviously don’t think that much of me. My lack of worth was further emphasised to me when I read that two other writers were in the middle of writing for a publication that doesn’t seem to want me.

I’m not in the best place today, but I have been working hard to remind myself of who I am, of who loves me – and that it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things! Even writing it down makes it seem rather petty – a bit silly – and yet, being honest to myself – and you – shows me that it has affected me this week.

It is hard when something you thought you had worked hard to conquer comes and seems to overtake you again – but I guess it is a good reminder that I can’t do things in my own strength so need to press into God more. He is the source of my life, goodness, sense of worth etc. Yes I feel sheepishly humbled – yet again – but at least it has reminded me that without him I can do nothing!

A whirlwind week

It has been a little while since I’ve been on here – mainly because life has reached whirlwind proportions. And the thoughts spinning around my head also have me reeling from their speed. So I’m trying to catch a moment to slow down and take stock. The last week has certainly been a varied one: I had my birthday, found out my mum was incredibly ill, had a terrible conversation with a magazine editor that left me wondering if Christians really can be that judgemental, shot down to see my mum in hospital, enjoyed a fantastic international day at church and also made some great new contacts with book and magazine publishers.

Each night I have fallen into bed late, absolutely exhausted, only to be denied sleep by my 2 year old, who really doesn’t seem to understand that waking up at night does not equate to coming to say hello to mummy, daddy and his sister! Even with the gate firmly fixed on his door he is still finding a way of keeping us all up at night. I look at him tearing around during each day and wonder where on earth he gets his energy from – and whether I could borrow some of it! In amongst the busyness, and emotional turmoil at times, I worry that I am so focused on different things I am not parenting to the best of my ability. I guess as parents we always have that nagging feeling – could we be doing things better? Are we juggling too much? Our society seems to only accept survivors – supermums who can spin every plate highly successfully and look fantastic at the same time!

That’s not really the reason for this entry though. I could write a series of blogs on that subject – and on the fact that while I believe in a God who can heal today, and have seen miracles in front of my eyes, one of those dearest to me – my own mum – continues to suffer pain from a debilitating disease day after day, year after year. I know suffering and healing are subjects I’m never going to fully understand, but I do have lots of questions I’m waiting to ask God when I do see him face to face! God does seem to have a way of turning things upside down – I travelled to see my mum expecting her to be hardly able to lift her head from her hospital bed but I was greeted by a beaming face as she had just had a chance to talk to a daughter of a patient about her faith and offered to pray for her. Gone was the downcast soul who had had enough of struggling with each breath and here was someone excited and vitalised by her faith once more. She said herself that every time she is in hospital she has such ‘divine encounters’ and that being there had lifted her spirit from the depth of despair. She is still physically in severe pain, but her spirit is back in line with her God.

All of this has made my own spirit go up and down. A high point was definitely yesterday at church where we celebrated the diversity of nationalities within our church. Sam Amara from Nigeria visited us and preached and we feasted on a wonderful array of dishes from around the world afterwards.

Yes it has definitely been a pretty crazy week. And today has continued to be crazy. I’m on my own for a few hours, for which I’m exceedingly grateful to my husband, but busy organising work and what I need to do before heading off to Brighton for the last Newfrontiers International Leaders’ Conference, Together on a Mission. I am excited about what God will do when we are all together – I just hope I manage to stay awake! ;D

Feeding the clown while half asleep…

I had a really fulfilling day yesterday. Absolutely manic but I felt I achieved a lot and got on top of loads of things that had been hanging over me. As well as looking after my son I cleaned the whole house from top to bottom, worked on some articles, came up with some more article ideas, did a load of ironing, cooked a nice meal for me and hubby after the kids were tucked up in bed and even managed to watch a film with him too as it was our only night off this week. I went to bed exhausted but happy. I had just snuggled down into the covers, just got myself into that half asleep state, when in padded our little boy saying the rain had woken him up. I got up, told him the rain wasn’t scary, put him back into bed, tucked him in, kissed him good night and prayed with him then left his room while saying there was no need to get back up again till morning. This little routine happened about 8 times over the next 21/2 hours – then he finally fell asleep… only to appear again at 4am. This time I was so exhausted I couldn’t even bring myself to get back up and let him crawl in with us. I never normally do that – and it was a bad decision because then I only got fitful snoozes after that. As our daughter ran in at 7am all bright and cheerful my heart sank, as I knew I was helping at the school fayre all day and really needed to be livelier than I was feeling! I know there are so many other parents out there that have to cope with this lack of sleep on a regular basis. For me, it is one of the hardest things about parenting. It’s at such times, when something out of the ordinary happens, that I realise that the pace I live my life at is only just about do-able. I did really enjoy helping out at the fayre on the ‘feed the clown’ stall but I felt incredibly sick. As soon as we got home both me and my son crashed out on our bed for a couple of hours – actually quite nice but not a luxury I can afford most days. I asked my husband to help me make sure we both go to bed early each night this week – as it was getting later and later and now I’m just past exhaustion. I know I was talking about spiritual spring cleaning the other day – but we also have a responsibility to look after our bodies too – and this one is just plain tired…

Spring cleaning your soul

I was busy cleaning my bathroom yesterday when I started thinking about how busy I have been recently. For quite a few weeks my cleaning regime has been rather curtailed due to lack of time. I have made sure that the place is hygienic, but it has been more about tidying up surfaces and making the place look okay rather than doing a thorough clean. As I started scrubbing I suddenly realised that that is how we can often be with our spiritual lives too. The things we do as so-called disciples of God can often be more about making sure we look good on the outside, rather than taking care of ourselves spiritually. Our souls can be crying out for some good nourishment, but we are so caught up with external things that we don’t even notice. I know that there has been much written about not approaching bible reading as something simply to be ticked off a ‘to do’ list, and not to be under condemnation if we don’t manage to read it every day. But I do think we are in danger of cheapening the grace that Christ won for us. Yes He died to set us free, but that didn’t take away our own responsibility to look after ourselves. Our society has a work hard, play hard mentality, which usually involves sessions at the gym or whatever your chosen method of exercise is. But for some reason, while we are happy to come on board the ‘look after your body’ camp, many of us Christians don’t seem to think much about looking after our souls. As we believe that our bodies are temporary (I know we are to look after them!), and that the important part of us is our soul, how come that belief hasn’t filtered down into what we actually do? The book that I was asked to write 8 years ago was on keeping ourselves spiritually fit – and it is just as much of an issue today. I am going to consciously try and take some time this week to honestly look at the state of my spiritual health (there are even some helpful checklists in my book that I will probably go back to! ;). I wonder, when was the last time you ‘spring cleaned’ your soul?