I am thrilled to welcome Joanna Chee to the Unmasked: stories of authenticity blog series. She is a true source of encouragement to those who connect with her, which I felt first-hand when she agreed to be a beta reader for my book Taking Off the Mask.

I love God’s timing and the way He knits things together – the subject matter she touches on in this blog post is one that God has been prompting me to speak on at conferences recently. Becoming the people that others labelled us as – even years ago – rather than who God made us to be is something many of us struggle with. And God, in His grace, may well reveal to us episodes in our own past that have an unhealthy hold on us. If Joanna’s story resonates with you, why not take the time to go before God and ask Him to minister to your heart, and let you know if there is anything from your past that still has a grip on you. He is a healing God and wants to see you walk into true freedom in Him… But enough of me – it’s over to Joanna now!

God has done an amazing unmasking in my life the last few years.

I have such new joy in being me!

I’ve thrown off labels. I’ve received deep healing. I’ve found freedom in being who I really am – a precious daughter of God.

I grew up ‘the quiet one’. I was shy, not confident of my own worth or talents (even though I excelled in every area at school). I often felt left out and a ‘hanger-on’. Into my adult years, there were times I felt misunderstood and unappreciated, especially by male leaders. This caused deep pain. I withdrew, feeling I had nothing worth offering. I desperately wanted others to take the time to get to know the real me. But I became who others said I was. I became what I thought others were thinking of me.

Then God stepped in!

He revealed an event from my childhood, an incident completely forgotten. He showed me the pattern it had set in place, a pattern of my feeling misunderstood, labelled and unappreciated, especially by male authority figures.

I’ll take you to my primary school classroom and show you how it all began:

‘Who wrote this?’ my teacher demanded, anger and disbelief filling his voice. My friend looked around, then turned her eyes on me.

‘Joanna,’ she said. 

*** 

I was nine years old. I loved school and especially my new teacher, Mr Stanwell. He was the first male teacher I’d ever had, and he was lots of fun. That morning we had free time in class, and I was making a folded paper-thingy – my daughter tells me it’s called a chatterbox – you know, the origami-style folded paper with flaps, where you ask someone to choose a colour, then a number, and open and close the flaps accordingly, till you end up with a witty comment like ‘You stink!’ or ‘You love Tommy Biggs!’ Lots of amusement for nine-year-old girls! I’d written something in every space but one, and was stuck for another idea.

‘What shall I write?’ I asked my friends. Lara came up with an idea.

‘_____ ____!’ she suggested.

I wrote it down. It was a phrase I’d never heard before. I was a good shy Christian girl with no idea it was one of the most offensive things you could ever say to someone.

We had fun playing with my folded chatterbox. A friend asked if she could do it on our teacher. ‘Of course!’ I replied.

What are the chances?

One-in-eight, actually.

Mr Stanwell chose a colour: open – close – open – close – open – close – open. Mr Stanwell chose a number: open – close – open – close – open. Mr Stanwell chose a flap. My friend opened it up, and read out loud, ‘_____ ____!’

***

Mr Stanwell said nothing more about it in class that morning. At lunch time, he called me in from the playground. I remember standing awkwardly with him in the school corridor as he launched into his diatribe: ‘I don’t care if you use that kind of language at home! I don’t care if you use that kind of language on the street! But don’t you ever use that kind of language in my classroom! Do you understand?’ All I could do was give a small nod as he dismissed me back into the playground.

I didn’t tell anyone what had happened.

Over the following months, Mr Stanwell organised lots of fun projects and activities for our class. He appointed students to positions of responsibility – class monitors, library helpers, and playground helpers. I longed to be chosen for something special. My friends were chosen. But Mr Stanwell did not choose me. It hurt.

The years passed. I grew. I forgot. I didn’t think about it again.

(An excerpt from the introduction of my book Forever Loved: Eve’s Story)

Accused. Misunderstood. Not given a chance.

Though I didn’t know it at the time, or until quite recently, that one event began my always longing to be understood, my always longing to be affirmed and valued. It triggered my longing for someone, especially a male leader, to take the time to know the real me (which I know now wasn’t an appropriate longing).

God ministered deep healing and release to me, as He reminded me of this classroom incident. I forgave my teacher and others I’d been hurt by. I felt God come close as Father, and pour His love out on me.

My ongoing journey is one of discovering my true identity as God’s precious daughter – valued, appreciated, truly known for who I am. I am learning to turn to God for affirmation and acceptance, and not to man.

God has revealed Himself to me as Father most amazingly through the biblical story of Eve. Eve is, perhaps, the most labelled, most accused, most misunderstood woman of all time. Yes, she sinned (as we all do), but she was also God’s precious daughter, the one He loved unconditionally, the one He walked and talked with, the one He sought out, cherished, rescued and redeemed.

My new book Forever Loved: Eve’s Story is the story of Father and daughter, as told by Eve. It is a revelation of God’s love for Eve. It is a revelation of God’s love for us, as women. My prayer, through the book, is for women around the world to encounter God as Father, whether for the first time, or in deeper measure.

Let me pray that for you too, right now. (If you’re a man, you’re just as loved – God’s amazing son! You’ll need to change some words in the prayer, but receive it as your own.):

Dear God,

Thank you for the precious woman reading this. Overwhelm her with your love and presence. Take her deeper into you. Reveal yourself as Father. Pour out on her. Thank you, she is beautiful, she is accepted, she is cherished. Bring healing to areas of hurt. Reveal, and gently remove, masks that have been put in place. Bring her into the freedom of who she really is in you. Thank you for the amazing future you have for her, as your treasured daughter!

In Jesus’ name. Amen

May you experience a fresh touch of God today. Bless you!

(And thank you so much Claire for letting me share as part of your Unmasked series.)

Joanna xx

I’d love to give you an Eve Devotional I’ve written (which includes excerpts from ‘Forever Loved: Eve’s Story’). You can get it for free here: 3 Things You Never Knew About Eve: A Devotional Study

 

Joanna Chee gets excited about God! She loves to write, and is often awake in the night with a million ideas for her next book or project. Joanna blogs at JoannaMayChee.com and MumsKidsJesus.com, where it is her heart to encourage and equip women to love their families and meet with God. She is author of Forever Loved: Eve’s Story, a creative retelling of the Bible story of Eve, and a #1 Amazon UK bestseller. Connect with Joanna: Facebook.com/JoannaMayChee | Facebook.com/MumsKidsJesus | Pinterest.co.uk/MumsKidsJesus