‘Authenticity involves transparency, which only happens through vulnerability.’ That is a quote from fellow author Jen Baker, who I am delighted to welcome onto the Unmasked: stories of authenticity blog series today.
As a child, I rarely left the bedroom without my (metaphorical) mask securely affixed to my face. Acting as the lead character in my own performance, I could switch between timidity and boldness at a moment’s notice – my personality dependent on the atmosphere of the others present. Terrified of being known, wearing a mask was the only way I knew to interact with the world around me.
The road to authenticity in my life took many turns, several detours and more than one ‘about face’ – thankfully stepping away from the path of self-destruction before I found myself tumbling over a cliff of no return.
I have a feeling some of you reading this can relate.
Perhaps you have worn a mask which said ‘I’m fine’, when in reality you were crying yourself to sleep at night.
Or a mask which declared ‘I trust the Lord’, when in reality you were self-medicating out of worry and despair.
Please don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been there (or are there) – we all have worn masks and spoken self-protective untruths at one time or another.
Yet I have learned that being fully known by the one who knows all things – is the most freeing, beautiful and empowering choice we can make in life. When we allow ourselves to be fully known in heaven, we free ourselves to live fully here on earth.
Below is an excerpt from my new book, The Power of a Promise, where I share the moment I felt the seed of purpose being planted deep within the soil of my heart. As a young person living in a world of self-imposed hypocrisy, it remains one of the most transparent – and honest – moments of my life.
It was a moment I’ll never forget.
Before I continue, it is important to mention that while growing up (and until my late thirties) I battled intense insecurity and fear – I mean, intense. Hiding behind my mother, refusing to hold eye contact, face turning bright red when anyone spoke to me, terrified to speak in class and always believing that I was being laughed at behind my back. I lived in a continual state of shame, fear and anxiety. It improved slightly after I became a Christian, but in reality I learned to cope with it, work around it or – most often – put a mask over it.
Despite my debilitating insecurity, I loved the stage. When I stepped onto a platform I came alive, because I could be anyone except Jen Baker – which was the greatest desire of my heart for the first twenty-five years of my life. This particular evening we were rehearsing our high-school play The Mousetrap, in which I had the lead female role. It was late, the school had closed hours before, and nearly everyone except the janitor had left the building. I had stayed behind to practise some lines, and that is when it happened.
The director stepped out of the auditorium, and I was preparing to leave when I glanced up to see a small circular spotlight at centre stage. It was just wide enough for one person to be seen. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Looking around to make sure nobody else was watching, I put my things down and rushed to the platform. I carefully, methodically, made my way to the centre of that light where I stood – just me, the spotlight and my imagined audience.
Time stood still. I wasn’t yet a Christian, but I felt something divine over that moment, to the point where I literally could not move. I looked out to the ‘audience’, took command of the atmosphere…and I decided right then and there: this was my destiny.
The seed took root.
Let me say again: We can only fully live our purpose when we freely know our creator. Over the ensuing years, as my relationship with my Saviour deepened, the masks slowly came down and my purpose gradually came forth.
It says in Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” We have been created to do good works, which God has already prepared for us. He has given us every gift we need, to carry out every plan He has. As every woman carries the seed of new life in her body, even as a little girl, so we come into the world with the seeds of our purpose simply waiting to be born.
If God were to put a spotlight on the centre of your dreams – what would He find? Where would you be standing? Remember, the Word says that God only has good gifts for us and where He leads is always toward peace and prosperity. He is a good God who is trustworthy and who always has our best future in the plans of His heart.
My prayer is that today you can believe again for the promises over your life to become alive with power, infused with purpose and unleashed in possibility.
No more hiding. No more shame. No more masks.
Instead, standing vulnerable within the security of God’s love and grace, you will step boldly into the spotlight of your future.
Jen Baker is a speaker, author and leader who loves seeing the Holy Spirit and the Word change lives and impact nations. Called from America to live in England, Jen has been a pastor, director and consultant working with the local church and several anti-trafficking charities. She has written five books, including her newly released The Power of a Promise, which can be ordered on her website at jenbaker.co.uk.