Tag: trust

God’s last word

Reflections on Job 40:1–14; 42:1–6.

In Job 13:15 Job says, ‘Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.’ In our passages today Job gets the chance to defend himself to God. This was something he had been longing for throughout his discourse with his friends. He was probably hoping for total vindication by God, in order to show his friends how wrong they had been! But, when God gives him the chance to speak, Job realises he no longer needs to.

In chapter 38 God finally appears and starts by saying ‘Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?’ (v.4). He goes on to reveal His sovereignty through so many things that we do not understand. All the mysteries of nature have Him at their helm.

Once he has spoken, Job’s questions, complaints and demands melt away. Yes, what happened to Job seems totally unfair to our human eyes. But God, by His very nature, is just and fair and so whatever He decides to do, or allow, is fair – however hard that is for us to understand. Remember what we talked about in an earlier reflection? Do we lay down our rights to understand – even when we are hugely disappointed by what is going on around us or to us?

For Job, it was learning the certainty of the character and sovereignty of God that led him to the conclusion that, however inexplicable the circumstances, he could still trust and hope in Him. That, I believe, is the lesson of this book, of this character, for us today. That God wants us to hope in Him not because of what He can do for us, but simply because of who He is.

For prayer and reflection: Father I am sorry that I can view you like a slot machine – I put in my prayer and expect You to produce the answer
I want. I acknowledge You are sovereign, and do not work in ways that I am going to understand always. 

Taught to trust

Taken by Kate’s husband, John Vilkaitis

Today I welcome Kate Nicholas to the Unmasked: stories of authenticity series. I thoroughly enjoyed her book Sea Changed, and found her insights and courage in the midst of cancer inspirational. She shares here about the need to let go of control and trust Jesus.

For most of my life, I have been a bona fide control freak. It is a tendency honed by years of working in, and with, the media – initially as a journalist then editor-in-chief of business and current affairs magazine and global communications chief of Christian aid agency World Vision.

In the cut and thrust of the newsroom, or the midst of a humanitarian crisis, there is little room for you to be vulnerable. As a leader you have to be seen to be strong, resilient and in control, and in order to survive many develop a mask to hide the child within. My husband used to jokingly refer to the tough persona that I unwittingly developed as Kate Nicholas plc.

It also isn’t easy being a Christian in the media. All too often those with faith are dismissed as too trusting and naive to have the critical faculties necessary for serious journalism. But this view is based on a fundamental misconception about the nature of trust.

Trust isn’t a passive option.It often requires considerable courage. It is the opposite of being in control and learning to trust is sometimes incredibly challenging.

NO CHOICE BUT TO TRUST

It was the summer of 2014 when I was first diagnosed with advanced inoperable cancer that had spread around my heart. My prognosis was not good and I found myself in a situation that was completely beyond my control.

There was absolutely nothing I could do to change it. All I could do was trust that God would do what was best for me. Cancer is a great trust teacher!

From the outset, I felt that God was with me in the midst of my suffering. I had a strong impression that he was telling me to let go, to stop holding on so tightly to my life, and let him take the helm. And it was only when I finally gave in, and surrendered my control freak tendencies, that God was able to do something wonderful and transformative.

LEARNING FROM PETER

The Gospel of Matthew includes a remarkable story about trust. Matthew recounts an incident that took place on the Sea of Galilee. It was a stormy night, and the apostles were rowing through the darkness when they saw what they thought was an apparition walking towards them across the surface of the water. They were understandably afraid and cried out in terror, but then they heard a voice saying, ‘Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.’

They thought it was Jesus but couldn’t be sure so Peter replied, ‘Lord, if it’s you . . . tell me to come to you on the water.’ And when Jesus said simply, ‘Come,’ without hesitation Peter climbed out of the boat and, as the storm raged around him, stepped out in faith towards his Saviour. It is probably the greatest example of breathtaking, inspiring human trust in Scripture.

All too often we focus on the fact that, a few moments later, Peter took his eye off Christ and, looking down at the waves at his feet, began to panic and sink, but this doesn’t diminish the extraordinary trust that he initially displayed. For a moment he put his faith into action and acted on his belief.

To trust is let go of our need for control.Trust isn’t safe. It requires us to step out of our comfort zone and it severely challenges those of us who feel the need to plan every aspect of our lives (and others’) down to the last detail. Trust demands that we, like Peter, be willing to step out in faith into the unknown.

The Hebrew word for ‘to trust’ in the Old Testament is bataach, which means to have a bold, confident security, and the New Testament Greek word pisteuo means to have confidence in the thing believed. Trust requires us to take the risk of believing in that which we can’t yet see,to let go of our own inadequate and incomplete understanding of God’s plans and recognise that he is on the throne.

Living trusting in ourselves is frankly exhausting and ultimately futile, but we will find that when we are willing to truly hand over control to our creator, God will transform us in more ways than we can ever imagine.

Kate Nicholas is an author, broadcaster and consultant with 30 years’ experience working in media and communications. She preaches at the church of St Peter and St Paul, Olney where the world-famous hymn Amazing Grace was written.

Kate’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted Christian Biography of the Year 2017) tells the story of her unconventional journey of faith and healing from advanced cancer. Her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Lifelooks at how God uses the circumstances of our lives to transform us, as well at what the fruits of this transformation look like – including the ultimate transformation that takes place at the end of our earthly life. Her recent 12-part TV series Living a Transformed Life (which aired on TBN UK) can be viewed free on demand at www.katenicholas.co.ukor   https://www.tbnuk.org/vod/watch/living-a-transformed-life/our-god-of-transformation

Kate’s books are available at Christian bookstores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide.

 

You are not what you do

My plan is to continue with the Friday Unmasked series, whenever there is a story to share. In the meantime, here is an authentic lesson from my own life, which I’ve been learning – yet again!

I am looking forward to sharing at a women’s breakfast tomorrow morning. The title of this blog is lifted from my talk, although what I share below is not a sneak preview of the content 😉 So often I think we can cling to roles, and yet here is a reminder to look to God alone for our identity:

It’s often the very first question after we’ve been introduced to someone: ‘So, what do you do?’ That perpetuates the tendency we all have to link who we are with what we do. And yet we are so much more than our jobs.

A series of events and experiences in recent months has reminded me that I am not what I do – that my identity needs to be 100 per cent fixed on who I am in Christ, otherwise I will be shaken.

You see, God opened some doors of opportunity for me. I didn’t look for them – they were very definitely a gift from Him. I was really taken aback, and grateful, as they were all writing jobs.

Then circumstances beyond my control changed, and one of the jobs shifted significantly. My immediate response was to feel anxious and unsure of myself (even though I had just realised that ‘adventure’ really WAS the word God was giving me for the year). Oh Lord did you really need to pick that one?! I questioned Him, asking why He had given me something only to take it away again. I also felt defensive – worried that my reputation could be affected even though the changes had nothing to do with me.

God then spoke clearly to me about how, yet again, I was clinging onto roles – albeit legitimate ones – rather than Him to define who I am. I felt the challenge to let go and trust Him for what I would be doing workwise day by day.

God was incredibly gracious and confirmed that to me through words spoken by people I had only just met and therefore didn’t know my situation at all. And now, a few months later, I have now seen how God has been orchestrating everything behind the scenes. There are new opportunities on the horizon that I can see utilise my giftings and embrace what I feel called to. They reflect who I am, rather than me reflecting a role I have. It’s all been a matter of trusting God – and I still need to (believe me it hasn’t been easy at times) – but I’m beginning to discover what His amazing love and care has been achieving.

It can be really hard not to equate who we are with what we do for the majority of hours we are awake each day. And yet God has been reminding me to keep my eyes firmly fixed on Him alone as my source of security and identity. Yes it’s a lesson He has taught me many times before, but I know I need to keep being reminded of it – and I suspect that is true for many of you too.

Who’s in control?

I am delighted to welcome author Fiona Lloyd to the Unmasked: stories of authenticity blog series. Having also worn an ‘I’m in control’ mask, much of what she shares resonated deeply with me – and the lessons she has learned are full of wisdom pertinent for all of us seeking to walk with God each day…

I’ve spent my professional life wearing a mask. As a teacher, I discovered early on that letting my feelings show was likely to result in ridicule rather than sympathy, and I quickly learned how to disguise my nervousness and anxiety by projecting a calm exterior. Much as I’d like to blame my erstwhile pupils for my desire to be in control, however, they were only reinforcing a habit that had been honed over many years.

A LEARNED BEHAVIOUR

As the eldest of three children, I constantly felt under pressure to set an example. I was academically able, and drove myself to excel as far as I could. Underneath the studious façade, though, was a shy and reserved little girl who lacked the social confidence of her more gregarious siblings, and felt easily intimidated by the banter of her louder classmates. I developed a fear of unpredictable situations, preferring to put myself in settings where I could feel in control of things.

Often, I attempted to mask my insecurities by being overly competitive, but this in turn resulted in a fear of failure, so that I hated to play any game where I stood a good chance of losing. My driven nature and desire for control had not equipped me to cope with the notion of being proved second-best (or worse). And when I didn’t achieve at the level I’d set for myself, I became hugely self-critical.

BECOMING VULNERABLE

I was in my late twenties – and a new mum – when I became aware of God gently picking away at my mask. I’d gone from being a teacher with responsibility for 200 pupils each week to someone whose life was focused around the needs of one small (and very noisy) baby. Suddenly, I didn’t have all the answers anymore, and – without the requirement to keep myself together at work – I realised I needed to allow myself to be vulnerable. With the support of my husband, I spent time receiving prayer ministry from Christian friends, and started to tackle the pressures and beliefs that had contributed to my mask of control.

This was a difficult and painful experience: it’s something of a miracle in itself that I asked for help in the first place, and even more of a miracle that I agreed to return after the first session. Childhood hurts and disappointments had to be faced and dealt with: my natural inclination is to push things under the surface, so this required a complete change of tack. I also had to let go of my reluctance to be beholden to others and make an active choice to be dependent on God.

The change in me has been both dramatic and slow-burning. Those first few sessions led to me sensing God’s loving presence in such a deep and tangible way that I almost floated home afterwards. But I’ve also had to learn that walking with Jesus is about making good choices on an ongoing basis. It’s one thing to forgive X today, but part of that decision means doing my best not to revisit that particular offence tomorrow. This doesn’t mean that past hurts are always instantly healed – some scars are still tender – but being willing to be part of an ongoing process of forgiveness is immensely freeing.

LEARNING TO TRUST OTHERS

A major factor in letting go of my ‘in control’ mask was learning to trust both God and other people. This felt easy when I was on a spiritual high, but when God seemed more distant, or when fellow Christians let me down, I tended to panic and reach for my mask. Understanding that faith grows and matures in the lean times was a difficult lesson (and one I forget all too easily).

However, as I’ve spent less time hiding behind the safety of my mask, I’ve noticed that people are drawn to vulnerability. In my head, I’ve always wanted to be someone who could help others by being calm and in control as I doled out wise advice, and I’ve been slow to recognise that a toughened exterior tends to discourage others from sharing their needs. This feels super-scary – and goes against all my natural instincts – but it appears that God’s strength really is made perfect in my weakness.

Fiona Lloyd is vice-chair of the Association of Christian Writers, and is married with three grown-up children. Her first novel, The Diary of a (trying to be holy) Mum, was published by Instant Apostle on 18 January 2018.

Fiona has also had short stories published in Woman Alive and Writers’ News, and has written articles for Christian Writer and Together Magazine. Fiona works part time as a music teacher, and is a member of the worship team at her local church.

You can follow Fiona on Twitter: @FionaJLloyd & @FionaLloyd16