Tag: watching our tongues

Choose to speak and act positively

 

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‘For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit … Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.’

Reflections based on Romans 14:1–23.

When you act and speak, you make a series of (often subconscious) choices. This passage encourages us not to make ourselves a stumbling block to those who think differently to us (or are perhaps ‘weaker’ in their faith). Paul was referencing some of the inevitable disputes that occurred in the Early Church. Some believers, for example, felt free to eat anything whereas others did not want to unknowingly sin so ate only vegetables. They were possibly worried that they could unknowingly eat meat sacrificed to idols, as often the sacrifices were only partially burned and the rest of the meat was sent to market to be sold. While some believers knew idols were worthless and unreal anyway so were free from any sense of guilt, others (possibly those who had previously been idol worshippers) found it unhelpful. What I think we can learn from this is not to be judgemental or critical but rather to be aware that what we do and say affects those around us, and we should seek always to build people up.

Church is also the last place this should happen, but it can also be full of comparison. Try and keep a check on any subtle criticisms you may engage in as they are so unhelpful.

Of course we need to be honest – life is full of problems and as Christians we aren’t immune to them. And yet, if we aren’t careful, all we see are the problems. Even when we think we are empathising with someone, we can have a tendency to join in with negativity rather than lifting the conversation to more positive words of hope and encouragement. Proverbs 10:11 reminds us that ‘the mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life’, so let’s use ours in that way.

Prayer: Lord help me not to be a stumbling block to anyone around me, but to be one that encourages and builds up. Teach me to keep a check on the words I say and the actions I take.

How to be better at encouragement

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I’m terrible at encouragement. Particularly at encouraging my husband.

There, I’ve said it.

It’s a hard one to admit; particularly when it was the first thing I spoke on when I took over the women’s ministry at church. But I could see how we were all desperately crying out for more encouragement. When I started putting together my talk I began to realise how bad I was at encouraging those close to me.

I am married to a man whose primary love language is words of affirmation. And that is probably way down there on my list: practical help does it for me. (Isn’t it funny how God so often seems to pair us up with a life partner whose love languages are the opposite of our own? Is it His sense of humour or the best way to rub those rough edges off us? Probably both…)

Sometimes I have literally had to force myself to speak words of encouragement to my husband (not because he didn’t deserve them but because it doesn’t come naturally!). I’ve learned how important this is to him and it makes such a huge difference in our relationship. It’s a great discipline for all of us to cultivate, especially if you know encouragement is something you are not good at.

I also have to check myself – and I know I fall down all the time – as I have a tendency to nag. But, as I’m told so often, words of encouragement get better results than nagging…

So here are some things I’ve learned about the importance of encouragement:

The Bible teaches it

Throughout the Bible we can see examples of encouragement. So many of the main characters that we learn about in Sunday school had people around them to encourage them (think of how Jonathan rooted for David even when it pitted him against his father).

The New Testament letters often refer to building one another up. I love the Message translation of 1 Thessalonians 5:11: ‘So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind.’

It makes a difference

Having someone consistently in your life that totally believes in you makes such a difference. In The Family You‘ve Always Wanted Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, recognises that: ‘From the smallest child to the oldest adult, when our fan club applauds us, we try harder.’

God wants us to become members of each other’s fan club, but how do we do that? Paul gave a good guideline when he wrote that everything we say should build up the one who is listening:

‘Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen’ (Ephesians 4:29, NIV).

Let’s get a bit more honest now. How often do we spend time with our friends moaning about various things or ‘sharing news’ (aka gossiping), when we could be using that time to build one another up?

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