Lament in our everyday lives

Last week, we looked at how the Bible is full of lament and God invites us to lament in our everyday lives. The practice helps us to cling on to God and, as such, is a hope-filled action. We are now going to take a closer look at psalms of lament, and how we can utilise them in our own lives.

I don’t relish the experiences that have revealed how vital lament is to me, but I do cherish the renewed understanding that God has given us permission to vent all our anger, frustration, anguish, as well as our questions. I have come to view lament as part of my survival kit.

Lent is fast approaching: this is a time in the Church calendar where we traditionally wrestle with that ‘in-between’ time of confusion and bewilderment. The disciples watched all their hope seemingly die with Jesus on the cross and on that day and Easter Saturday there is often space held to consider our own despair, before the celebrations of Resurrection Sunday.

Psalms of lament

The pandemic has brought suffering to so many families, and this life is full of troubles (as well as joys). If you don’t regularly practise lament, perhaps you could take time this Lent to explore the subject more fully and think about the different ways you can utilise the practice in your own life.

To begin with, you could try finding a psalm that seems to echo the cry of your heart and turn it into a prayer – or write your own lament.

Let’s look more closely at a psalm of lament, to see the four stages that they often (but not always) work through:

Address: the psalmist speaks directly to God, often revealing a level of intimacy in the relationship.

Complaint: Laying out the questions and anguish in a raw, totally honest way.

Request: Putting a direct request to the One that they know can help.

Expression of trust: Often the psalmist remembers God’s past faithfulness and turns to worship, declaring their trust in God.

You can write your own psalm according to these stages, or try using them as a basis for prayer. We will look at ways of doing both here.

Example: Psalm 13

This short psalm shows the four stages very clearly.

Address: How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
Complaint [God far, enemies triumphing]:

How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Request [more personal ‘my God’]:

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

Statement of trust [and praise]: 5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

Psalm as a springboard for prayer

Here is an example of the way in which I use particular psalms as launchpads for my own prayers, utilising Psalm 13 again:

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me for ever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?

God I can’t see you at work in this situation. It feels like I am having to cope on my own. I know you are there – please reveal yourself to me. Show me you haven’t forgotten us.
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

This all feels relentless, and it does feel like the devil is having a field day. I am finding it hard to keep batting away the discouragement, and my own depression. How long is this going to go on for Lord?

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

We need you to move – we need release! Come and act, move so that those around will know that you are God. And bring me your discernment and wisdom to know what to do – and your energy. I am so tired Lord…

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

I do trust you Lord, however hard that is to say at times – and I do know that you are good and that your character cannot change. I also choose to worship you, singing songs of thanks, because I know they stir my heart and do me good. Thank you for the salvation you have brought me, thank you for the way you have led me in the past – and thank you for the way you have upheld my family. I know that you love them more than I do – and trust that you have a hope and a future for each one of us.

Writing your own lament

Here are some questions to help you if you would like to try writing your own lament psalm. Use the suggestions, if helpful, in order to be honest before God but also meditate on the fact that God is with you in all your troubles or simply begin to allow God to minister to the hurting parts of your soul.

• Start by thinking about what difficulty – circumstance, person etc – is causing you anguish/anger/ anxiety/pain. Write out a description, and also how you feel about it – try and name the emotions.

• Do you feel that God is with you in it, or do you feel that he is absent? Try and write out where you feel God is.

• To help you with the second half of your lament, brainstorm some characteristics of/truths about God that you know in your head (even if you don’t feel them in your heart currently).

• Remind yourself of some of the ways God has shown his faithfulness to you in the past.

Use the notes you have made as a starting point to write out an honest lament. Try and end the psalm with some positive statements of trust – even if you aren’t feeling them right now.

Choosing to be honest before God

There have been moments in recent years when the extraordinary depths of pain and grief have wracked my body and soul, and I have been unable to do anything but sob my heart out. But I have had to make the choice to either do that before God, or trying to hide from him. In all honesty, there have been moments of both – although I know he always sees us. But when I have come before him I have certainly felt less alone. It is lament that has helped me to do that. Ultimately, I know God is good and would never want to go through any of this without him – lament helps me to hang on to him. It is certainly a practice I wouldn’t want to be without in my everyday life now.

Staying authentic while telling my story

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I am delighted to welcome Rachel Yarworth to my blog as part of her blog tour for her recently released book Friend of God: The Miraculous Life of an Ordinary Person. Here she focuses on how she felt the need to keep her writing authentic, despite the (very good) advice from others.

Not feeling good enough

When I started writing my book, I felt like a total imposter. Successful authors are eloquent and skilled at their craft (I have my moments in blogging), but surely becoming published would require functioning at an even higher level: one where you are accepted, endorsed and promoted by people who know what good writing is. I felt sure I was not good enough. But I bolstered myself with the kind words of fellow writers who reassured me that the one thing most successful authors have in common is Imposter Syndrome. And I kept writing.

Advised to make changes

When I finally plucked up courage to send my manuscript to beta-readers and potential editors I was given a lot of encouragement about my writing generally, but also told that if I wanted a publishing deal, or even just to sell lots of copies, I would need to change my book: to focus on the more sensational parts of my story; to narrow my target audience down; to ‘show not tell’. All very good advice.

I tried to satisfy each of these demands – I really, really tried. But the problem was, each time I tried, I felt I was betraying my own story and somehow becoming inauthentic. It was important to me that my book was not purely sensational. Yes, there are some amazing miracles in it, but I didn’t want it to be just about those – I wanted to show how God has been just as good a friend in the mundane, everyday messes of life.

I didn’t want a narrow audience either: I felt compelled to make it as accessible as I could, to as wide a range of people as possible. I was a bit more successful at improving the ‘show not tell’ aspect, with the help of a writing coach – but still, I was very aware of not excluding those in the neurodivergent community I love, who can struggle when things aren’t clearly told. So while a small voice inside kept whispering not to give up, I pursued my book with a horrible feeling of ‘getting it all wrong’ constantly hanging over me.

Telling my story

My breakthrough came one day when I was praying about it, feeling miserable that I couldn’t make myself write as the professionals told me I should, and that my chances of my book being accepted for publication were next to nothing. How could I obey the call I had felt to write? Was I letting God down? As I prayed, I felt God speak gently into my heart to offer me a loving choice: did I really want to conform to the world’s ‘should’s of polished perfection? Or did I want to be authentic, simply telling my story to the best of my ability and leaving the rest to Him? I smiled, and peace was restored to my heart. The pro-writer dream is an appealing fancy, but deep down in my heart I don’t care if I never become a ‘successful author’” in the world’s eyes – I just want to do what God asked of me, to get my story out there, for Him.

So I’m OK if my book is not a masterpiece. I don’t think I would ever have published it if I had continued with that pressure on myself. But since it was published, I have received feedback from readers saying how relatable, inspiring and encouraging my story is, and several customers have bought multiple copies so they can give them as gifts to people who wouldn’t normally read Christian books. In short, the things I did ‘wrong’ have become the things that people appreciate! 

We all have authentic stories

And that’s the point. God’s kind, wise words weren’t just about my book, and they weren’t just for me. We may not all be writers but we all have stories to share. And as Christians we don’t have to be somehow better than we are before sharing them – God likes working through our flawed humanity. We don’t have to portray a more polished version of ourselves to be accepted by the world. It turns out, most people can’t relate to that kind of inauthenticity. We just need to be what the world needs: imperfect but truthful witnesses of what we have seen Him do and who we have experienced Him to be. We don’t need to be polished or clever – just honest. Authentic.

Note from Claire: I have a whole series of guest posts from others sharing their authentic stories. Click here to read them.

Rachel lives in Worcestershire with her husband Mike, their three miracle sons and their miniature labradoodle. When not writing, Rachel can usually be found home educating her younger two boys, leading a home church or going for long walks in the countryside.

Her first book, Friend of God: The Miraculous Life of an Ordinary Person, was published December 2022. It is available on Amazon, and can also be ordered in good bookshops. For more from Rachel, you can go to her website or follow her writer pages:
Facebook: Rachel Yarworth, Writer
Instagram: rachelyarworthwriter
Goodreads: Rachel Yarworth

Spiritual practices for this year

I had a wonderful time sharing at a local women’s group this last weekend. We looked at some of the spiritual practices that have helped me hold on to God during a particularly difficult few years. In this mini series, I am going to share some of that material with you. I hope and pray that there is something that you would like to try out in your own life.

Why spiritual practices?

I don’t know how your year has begun, but I have to say for my family and I it was nothing like we expected! My husband is the pastor of our church and, while we had a quiet Christmas, we had a busy weekend of New Year’s celebrations planned – a church party New Year’s Eve followed by a café-style church brunch service the following day. When I started feeling ill towards the end of the previous week I didn’t think too much of it – until I got really quite poorly. I was shocked when my Covid test was positive – I hadn’t had it at all up until that point.

So I spent the whole weekend and beyond isolating. When a new year comes round, many people – myself included – take the opportunity to look back over the previous year (although it took me a few extra days before I could get started on this), to thank God for all the good things and let go of the bad, and also resolve to go deeper with him in the next year. Perhaps Bible reading has become lax or there are other ways we haven’t done as well as we could – and we ask for his help to do better. But while Paul does talk about training like an athlete in 1 Corinthians 9 I think we can falsely believe we need to do certain things in order for God to love us. That’s just not right. If you know you can fall into that mindset, take a moment now to simply be in God’s presence, and be aware of his love for you.

I do think we’ve all been affected by the pandemic and January is a good time to refresh our spiritual lives anyway, in terms of what we do regularly to keep ourselves spiritually fit. It can sometimes feel like a new year stretches out before us, full of unknowns, but spiritual practises help to ground us, and draw us closer into God’s presence. I’d like to share about some perhaps lesser known (or at least lesser spotlighted) spiritual practices, which have held me during a period when I simply couldn’t do much more than get through each day.

Introducing lament

The Bible is full of lament, and it is an important way of processing difficulties. Lament simply means crying out to God, presenting our requests to him and sharing with him our pain and anguish.

Each one of us will face disappointments (such as being let down by those we love, hurt by the church), bereavement, negative circumstances that may be the result of our own sin or someone else’s. And many of us will face intense suffering, such as physical pain and/or mental ill health. 

Jesus himself said: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). So why do we find it so difficult to accept that? And why do we seem to be ill-equipped to deal with it in a healthy way? How do we take heart?

Life is hard – we do have the promise that one day: ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain’ (Rev 21:3-4) but, until then, God doesn’t expect us to hide our difficulties away. 

In fact he ensured that the songbook created for his people the Israelites contained plenty of examples of how to express the pain we feel in our difficulties. They actually sang laments together as a corporate body using these psalms. And we also have the books of Job and Lamentations.

Throughout the Bible we can see many examples of tears alongside prayers – including Jesus’ example in the Garden of Gethsemane – lament is very much a part of the biblical narrative. 

Our need to lament

God invites us to voice our struggles because he knows that if we don’t express our laments, we can become totally consumed and distracted by them – or ignore them, which can result in physical ailments as the emotional pain has no other way of being expressed and we are total, whole beings – our spiritual, physical, emotional beings all tied up and affecting one other.

I first connected with the psalms of lament in a time of intense pain and sin in my own life (which I talk about in my book Taking Off the Mask). When I read the words ‘My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning…I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart’ (from Psalm 38:5–6,8) it was like the writer was describing exactly where I was at, and it helped me to reach out to God while I was in such turmoil.

Back then, it was a revelation of my own sinfulness and the resulting pain that caused me to lament. But in more recent years, it has been a cry from deep in my soul that has been almost unstoppable. It has become a way I have desperately tried to remain connected to God through circumstances that have threatened to engulf me or those I dearly love. Some days it can sometimes feel like all hope is lost – and yet lament is the bridge that helps me find my way back to God when he seems distant or hidden. Lament is, ultimately, hope-filled. It helps us to vocalise our determination that, despite circumstances that are totally bewildering, we refuse to turn away from our heavenly Father. We know he is good and has understanding way beyond ours. And so we can pour out our anguish and tears, alongside our praise, before him, knowing that he sees, hears, understands and is with us.

Next time we will look at how we can utilise psalms of lament in our everyday lives.

Unmasking Christmas: Find your way to hope through honesty, gentleness and joy

Photo by Tessa Rampersad on Unsplash

It is my absolute delight to welcome Abby Ball to my website today, as she shares how we can ‘unmask’ Christmas to find hope. This guest blog comes as she launches her latest book, Contemplating Christmas. I am thrilled to have endorsed it as it is such a refreshingly honest read that I would encourage you to get hold of for this Advent (I have included my endorsement at the bottom). So, over to Abby…

The Christmas adverts have been with us for weeks now, and they are very good at reminding us what Christmas is meant to look like. There’s supposed to be a happy family who loves spending time together in a beautifully decorated house. There’s meant to be a delicious feast, with an enormous pile of gifts under the tree. Everything is supposed to be sparkly and merry and fun. 

But what if it’s not? What if you’re facing difficult family issues? What if you’re living with grief and Christmas highlights your heartbreak and loss? What if you’re living with a chronic illness that won’t take a break for the holidays? What if you’re already overwhelmed, worn down and weary before the season has even fully begun? What might Christmas stories have to offer those of us who are hurting, exhausted and in despair?

I’d like to suggest three invitations, or practices, the Gospel stories offer us when things are hard, to help us find our way back to hope.

Be honest

With all the cultural expectations of happiness and fun that surround Christmas, it can be easy to pretend everything is OK, even when it isn’t. We can be tempted to put on a mask, fake our smile and act like we’ve got it all together. But the nativity stories of the Bible don’t do this. Luke’s Gospel opens with the painful story of Elizabeth and Zachariah’s long-term infertility. Then we hear about Joseph, who faces the heartbreak of thinking his fiancée has cheated on him. Still later in the story, we encounter the mothers of Bethlehem, whose babies have been murdered by the evil Herod. 

These are very personal, very painful stories and the Bible makes room for them. It doesn’t gloss over them or pretend they didn’t happen and God isn’t asking us to do that with our pain either. If you’re struggling this Christmas, you don’t have to pretend. Find a trusted person and tell them how you really are. Just saying those words “I’m not OK” can bring us a small measure of relief. 

Be gentle

This time of year we remember the way that Jesus, who was fully divine, fully God, came to earth and was born as a tiny baby. Jesus began his life on earth in exactly the same way we do. He was totally helpless and vulnerable, completely dependent on the care and kindness of his parents. This story of God-become-man helps us to understand that being vulnerable and having needs isn’t weakness, it’s just part of what it means to be human. Jesus had the same needs as we do: the need for food, shelter and warmth; the need for rest, safety and affection; the need for meaning, purpose and relationship with God. 

Of course, as we grow up, we take responsibility for meeting our own needs. But be very gentle with yourself, and remember that it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK if you haven’t got it all together and can’t do it all on your own. It’s hard to be vulnerable and admit to our own needs sometimes, but having needs is part of what it means to be fully human. 

Find joy

Sometimes it feels like joy is beyond our grasp. We want to feel happy but we’re still waiting for our big breakthrough, or changed situation. And sometimes joy can even feel inappropriate in the midst of so much suffering and grief in the world. 

But I think joy is closer that it might seem. There are big celebratory moments in the Christmas stories, but there are quieter ones, too. I think about the quiet moments between Mary and Jesus. I think about the shepherds, contentedly tending to their sheep. I think about light shimmering from that bright star leading the wise men. 

Joy was never meant to invalidate, or erase, our sorrow, but it can help us carry it with more ease. It can help us to find delight, even in the midst of what’s hard. Joy dares to believe there are good, beautiful things worth celebrating, and that suffering isn’t the end of our story. Advent is a great time to lean into small joys because there are so many of them around! The taste of a mince pie, the sound of a favourite carol, the sparkle of fairy lights or the tiny glow of warmth from a lit candle. Use your senses and see what small delights the day might hold for you.

A genuine hope

We can find hope this Advent through being honest, being gentle with ourselves and finding small moments of joy. It’s a genuine hope that doesn’t ask us to pretend, and doesn’t leave us to struggle along on our own. At Christmas we remember that Jesus is Immanuel, God with us, and he can make all things new.

Abby Ball was a primary school teacher for many years and now works as a freelance writer. Her work has been published in Fathom Mag, The Mudroom and Teach Primary. She lives in the UK with her husband, Tim, and their cat, Otta. Find more of Abby’s work at abbyball.substack.com, or on social media @abbyballwrites

Here is my endorsement of Abby’s book: ‘Abby has a beautiful, poetic style of writing that draws the reader in immediately. She has also managed to create a refreshingly different Advent devotional that is honest about the struggles and difficulties of life, but also invites us to push past the consumerism and cultural expectations of the season to draw closer to Jesus – even in the midst of our questions and hurting. Her reflection questions are insightful, helping the reader to really think and apply what they have been reading about, and the breath prayers are wonderful, easy takeaways to use throughout the day. This is a rich resource that offers a gentle yet powerful accompaniment to Advent.’

I have a series of blogs on hope on this site. For a sample of one click here.

Issy Smugge joins the Sandwich Generation

I am delighted to welcome Ruth Leigh to my blog today, to talk about the sandwich generation on the publication day of her latest Issy Smugge book: The Continued Times of Isabella M Smugge. (For Ruth’s previous guest blogs click here and here.)

Google the phrase ‘sandwich generation’ and a fairly dispiriting set of definitions comes up. Under the headline, ‘Sandwich generation moms feeling the squeeze’, the American Psychological Association has this to say: 

Mothers caring for both children and aging parents often feel overextended…the ‘sandwich generation,’ ages 35-54, feel more stress than any other age group as they balance the demanding, delicate acts of caring for growing children and their aging parents. Nearly 40 percent of those aged 35-54 report extreme levels of stress (compared to 29 percent of 18-34 years old and 25 percent of those older than 55). This stress takes a toll not only on personal relationships—83 percent say relationships with their spouse, children, and family is the top source of their stress—but also on their own well-being as they struggle to take better care of themselves.

The phrase was first used in the early 1980s as the baby boom generation began to retire, life expectancy increased and people were leaving it till later to start their families. These days, it’s a fully-fledged demographic, and even starry Instamum Isabella M Smugge, with her full complement of staff and plenty of money, is feeling the squeeze.

Issy’s experiences as part of the sandwich generation

At the end of my second book, The Trials of Isabella M Smugge, our heroine’s mother had a serious stroke. Poor Isabella had already had a rough year, what with an unplanned fourth baby, losing her right-hand woman and devoted au pair Sofija and becoming a single parent. She and her mother had always had a fractious relationship, but in spite of that, she didn’t hesitate when offering her a home at her gracious abode the Old Rectory. At the end of “Trials”, Mummy was ensconced in the best bedroom and her daughter was bracing herself for a challenging future.

The new book, The Continued Times of Isabella M Smugge, opens with Isabella struggling with her new daily routine. Not only is she being kept up at night by a teething baby, but also startled into wakefulness by her mother banging on the floor with a stick and demanding round the clock service:

In addition to my actual baby, my mother is behaving like a child. She refuses to use the walking frame I sourced and insists on having her stick by the side of the bed, not to aid mobility, but to attract my attention. I was jerked awake at 5.32 this morning by loud and repeated banging, having only just nodded off from my earlier wake-up call from Milo. Stumbling crossly into her room, I found her scowling at me and requesting more cucumber water. If she wants twenty-four-hour room service, she should check into The Savoy. I may have mentioned this. It didn’t go down well. Using bad language is very wrong and unladylike, but sometimes it must be done.

As in art, so in life

While writing this book, I found myself becoming the filling in a responsibility sandwich, with three teenagers in various stages of work, relationships and education, a household to run, a marriage to maintain, a burgeoning career to encourage and two very elderly and frail parents in need of increasing care. Unlike Isabella, I don’t have a gardener, housekeeper and manicurist between me and complete meltdown. There were many times when, head in hands, I felt that I was being pulled in a million different directions at once. 

There were doctor’s appointments to make, taxis to book and pay for, a weekly shop to do, hospital bookings to chase up, social lives other than my own to organise (oh no, hang on, I haven’t got one of those any more), medication to order, hair, chiropody and massage slots to book plus all the other things I have to do as a busy mother of three. OK, I started my family relatively late (36) but then so did my parents (36 and 40). The combination of a blamelessly healthy lifestyle and great genes (them) and a Type A over-achieving personality, pretty good genes and three lively teenagers (me) was always going to lead to a whole heap of responsibilities. 

Using humour to highlight the difficulties

I put in lots of jokes in Continued Times. Mummy is probably only in her late sixties and an unexpected twist of fate finds her recovering from her stroke at top speed. However, there was plenty of scope for writing about the difficulties of multi-generational living, especially when there are lots of unresolved issues in the relationship. Reader reviews so far have mentioned this particular storyline a lot – it seems to resonate.

Isabella’s connection with her community and church is helping her through some very difficult times in this third instalment of her life. Mummy makes an unlikely friend and there are plot threads left hanging for book four. In real life, away from the Smugge-i-verse, there are thousands of exhausted people trying to care for the generation above and below. It’s wearing, often thankless and goes largely unnoticed, but I do hope that by shining a light on it (albeit in a humorous way), it might help a few of my readers through what is undoubtedly a very challenging time of life.

#issysayskeepgoing #ohmummy #tired 

Ruth Leigh is a freelance writer, novelist and book reviewer. Married with three children, a cat, one husband and assorted poultry, she is a recovering over-achiever.

The Continued Times of Isabella M Smugge is published today. It can be found online at Waterstones, Eden and Amazon, on Kindle, at Woodbridge Books, Halesworth Bookshop and Dial Lane Books in Ipswich and from Ruth’s website.

Soul story

Image by Gerd Altmann on Pixabay

I’ve had the pleasure of hosting Kate Nicholas on my blog twice before and am thrilled to welcome her back to describe how we each have a soul story to share, as she launches her book Soul’s Scribe.

How do you feel about talking about your walk with God? The idea of sharing our faith with others can certainly be quite daunting, particularly if we feel that we don’t know enough about the Bible or worry about being asked questions we just can’t answer. However, we don’t have to be theologians to witness convincingly. All we need to be able to do is to talk about how we have personally experienced God — to tell our ‘soul story’.

You may think that your life story isn’t particularly dramatic or interesting but the reality is that each us also has a soul story to tell – a unique story about that part of us that connects with God.

Understanding my soul story

I only began to understand my own soul story when facing a cancer diagnosis. As my life ground to a halt under the onslaught of chemotherapy, I looked back over my 50 plus years and for the first time began to see how God had been at work. I recalled my early childhood belief in the unseen, my rebellion years, as well as my first tentative steps back to him, which were followed by a remarkable blossoming of faith in middle age. I remembered the giddy mountain-top moments as well as the sense of his presence in the challenging valleys and, for the first time, recognised how he had guided into my life through scripture, circumstances, encounters and a series of inexplicable synchronicities or God-incidences. As I looked back, I recognised that the seemingly random occurrences of my life were pregnant with meaning and that my own story was far more mysterious than I had ever imagined.

All too often it seems to take a crisis in our lives for us to look back like this, but doing so is so valuable as it helps us to see life as an adventure full of meaning and purpose. Aristotle once wrote that ‘Memory is the scribe of the soul’ and God wants us to understand our soul story because it is here that our narrative is woven with his own. When we look back we will also see how our relationship with God changes over time – whether we grew up in a Christian household or only came to know him later in life. Some of us may have had a Damascene conversion, while others may experience what St Paul called an anaikonosis, a gradual renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2). In early adulthood we may have questioned the teaching of the Church but later may have found a way to co-exist with some paradoxes of faith and been able to full mystery of God.

Sharing our soul stories

God also wants us to share our soul stories. Throughout the Bible, God’s people are encouraged to declare the works of the Lord. In an increasingly secular society it is even more important to speak of all that God has done for us.

When I was first ill, I kept on being given a passage from Psalm 118:17: ‘I will not die but declare the works of the Lord’. So when, against all odds, I survived I wrote an account of my unconventional faith journey called Sea Changed and went on to share my soul story with churches and Christian groups all around the country. I have also now written a guide to understanding and sharing your soul story. Soul’s Scribe draws on scripture, developmental psychology – to help people understand how God has been at work through the different stages of their life – and provides the kind of tools used by professional communicators to help people have the confidence to step out and tell their stories in a way that will inspire and encourage family, friends and others.

The power of your story

Last year, just as I was gearing up for the launch Soul’s Scribe, I was once again diagnosed with cancer. Everything was put on hold while I went through treatment but God has been good to me and I am once again in remission, Praise the Lord. 

While I went through 18 months of chemotherapy, bio-targeted treatments and surgery, I continued to share my experience of God through my blog Faith, Life and Cancer, the responses to which have only reinforced my belief in the key message of this book – that God wants us to understand and share our soul story.  

Your soul story may also include times of challenge and even doubt (the surest path to faith isn’t always a straight line) but this is what makes your soul story so powerful. Because your authentic experience of God can resonate with even those who might disagree with your theology. 

You don’t need to be a public speaker or an author (although I do offer an online course called Write Your Soul Story for anyone who wants to take the next step and to write an autobiography or memoir). You just need to be willing to step out in faith, and tell your tale and God will do the rest. 

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, author and broadcaster with over 30 years of experience as a national journalist and editor. She wrote her first book Sea Changed – an account of her unconventional journey of faith and healing – while being treated for cancer. She has gone on to share her message of hope through her books, blog Faith, Life and Cancer, and her TV series Living a Transformed Life on TBN. Her latest book Soul’s Scribe – a guide to understanding and sharing your soul story – is now available. For more information on Kate, her books and her online course Write Your Soul Story visit www.katenicholas.co.uk

Celebrating the Queen’s life: 5 ways she inspired me

It was with great sadness that I, along with you all, heard of the Queen’s passing yesterday. As we take time to mourn our loss together, whatever our feelings about the monarchy, let’s acknowledge that the Queen was a solid, faithful figure, always there. Most of us haven’t known a time when she wasn’t on the throne.; it will take some getting used to not having her around. The media is, quite rightly, full of stories about her life and reign. Many Christian leaders have written tributes noting the role that her faith had. I certainly admired the way she spoke increasingly of Jesus in her Christmas messages. 

Here are some of the things I have learned from the Queen’s life, which I hope to incorporate in my own – and gently encourage you to consider for your own life too. May we be able to say, as she did in her Christmas speech in 2002: ‘I know just how much I rely on my faith to guide me through the good times and the bad. Each day is a new beginning. I know that the only way to live my life is to try to do what is right, to take the long view, to give of my best in all that the day brings, and to put my trust in God!’

1. Have a servant heart

Even six years before her coronation, the Queen spoke of serving others in a speech to the Commonwealth on her 21st birthday: ‘I declare before you all that my whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service.’ It is indisputable that the Queen’s reign was hallmarked by sacrifice and a servant heart. In John 13 Jesus blew his disciples’ concept of his ministry out of the water when he took a towel and a bowl of water and began to wash their feet. They were aghast but he said: ‘I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you’ (v15). Are we willing to serve others, even when it may be uncomfortable or put us out?

2. Keep showing up

There must have been times when the Queen would rather have had a duvet day than undertake the duties that had been arranged for her, and yet she remained steadfast and faithful. Even during her husband’s funeral, which I’m sure would have been far easier away from public scrutiny, she sat alone, masked. What a poignant image of a faithful public figure, following what were the current social distancing guidelines in the pandemic, even in the midst of her grief. So many shared that image when the news broke of the unlawful social gatherings in Downing Street.

Our integrity as human beings matters and, like the Queen knew, our actions are being watched. We are being ‘read’ and, when we show up faithfully even in those moments that perhaps we don’t feel like it, those around us see. While others in a position of leadership may abuse it, the Queen didn’t. Whether we are leaders or not, let us be faithful and steadfast in what God has put before us each day.

3. Don’t be afraid to speak up

The Queen’s Speech in more recent years had a more defined reference to her faith, which was noticed. Back in 2017, The Guardian said that of her by then 65 annual Christmas speeches, 17 referred directly to her Christian faith. She explained how it was ‘the anchor in my life’ (in 2014) and in 2016 said: ‘Billions of people now follow Christ’s teaching and find in him the guiding light for their lives. I am one of them because Christ’s example helps me see the value of doing small things with great love…’ In 2000 she used her speech to describe Christ’s life and teaching in detail, saying they ‘provide a framework in which I try to lead my life’.

While we may not have the opportunity to give speeches that are broadcast to millions, we are urged in scripture to: ‘Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect’ (1 Peter 3:15). In this day and age, when people are ‘cancelled’ for holding an opinion different to the crowds’, there is a cost attached to doing this. But as Christians we are called to be different, and to count the cost (Luke 14:25-33).

4. Be honest

I personally found it refreshing when the Queen did not shy away from referencing difficulties in her family. For example, in 1992, a year that saw a fire destroying part of Windsor Castle, three of her children divorced and ongoing scandals surrounding Princess Diana and Prince Charles, she described it as ‘annus horribilis’ in a speech. While not commenting directly on events, she was not afraid to be honest about finding the year difficult.

Too often we can pretend that life is fine – even think that that is what we should do as Christians – and yet the truth is we need to be honest, and to find ways to process our pain well. Jesus himself said: ‘In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world’ (John 16:33). We can and should acknowledge the difficulties, speaking up rather than stuffing down our pain. But, ultimately, we can take heart from knowing, as the Queen did, that Jesus is our ‘anchor’.

5. Ask for support

During her coronation speech, the Queen referenced asking the public to pray for her on her coronation and beyond: ‘that God would give me wisdom and strength to carry out the promises that I should then be making’. While she was absolutely resolute in her sense of duty over her long reign, she understood right at the start that it was a huge undertaking that she couldn’t do in her own strength. Knowing that God’s ‘power is made perfect in weakness’ (2 Corinthians 12:9), she reached out to him for strength, and asked others to uphold her in prayer as she did so. We each need that support as the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12-31).

We are made for community and function best when we are connected, holding one another and each doing our part so that others can flourish too. While it can be a natural human tendency to hide away when we are struggling, it is so important to speak up when we feel we need extra support. Let us be gentle and supportive of one another, too, as we navigate this time of national mourning.

This article was first published on Christian Today’s website.

Woman Alive Book Club

I have worked with the Premier Woman Alive magazine team for many years, and so it is a joy and a privilege to be taking over as host of the Woman Alive Book Club from Amy Boucher Pye. She spearheaded the Book Club 16 years ago and has been wonderful at drawing fellow book lovers together. But now is the time she feels is right to hand it over. I was thrilled when she asked me (and the magazine team was happy with the suggestion!) 

As host, I will be flagging up a favourite read and interviewing the author for the magazine each month. I will also be looking after the vibrant Woman Alive Book Club Facebook group – if you haven’t joined that yet do take a look. There is a great, supportive community of book lovers within it who provide fantastic recommendations for books. I will also post a regular Friday question to provoke interesting conversation.

If you would like to receive the magazine (either via an online subscription or traditional paper copy) Woman Alive has some great offers currently. (For instance, £1 per month for online access for three months, then £3 per month after.)

Happy reading!

Mental Health Awareness Week

It is Mental Heath Awareness Week and I just couldn’t let the week go by without posting. I want to firstly acknowledge that I have struggled with my mental health in the past. And, due to a mixture of grief, stress and perimenopause, know I am again now. While there is much less stigma surrounding this issue, I am heartbroken to see how stretched the services trying to support people’s mental health are. I am particularly aware of how much the pandemic has affected the mental health of our young people.

Being community

The theme of this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week is loneliness. With a teenager about to embark on GCSEs, I understand how the isolation of being home-based, studying, can cause feelings of loneliness. Young people need our prayers for their mental, emotional and physical wellbeing during this season.

There are so many others who face loneliness on a daily basis. As my husband takes time today to make some pastoral visits, I am reminded of how vital it is that we are in community. I realise it is more difficult with the fragmented, busy lives so many of us live in 21st-century cities. But the benefits far outweigh the costs – for all involved. Let’s pray for those, like our pastors, street pastors, food shop volunteers and other community workers as they reach out to the lonely. Let’s also think about ways that we can too.

It’s OK to ask for help

I know that when you are struggling it is natural to want to hide. It takes huge courage to reach out – and yet it is as we do so that we make human connection, which is so good for our wellbeing. We need to make it as easy as possible in our communities and churches for people to share their needs. Let’s work hard to cultivate safe spaces where people understand it is OK not to be OK – where no one feels judged but rather heard and supported.

Useful links for mental health awareness week

There have been some really helpful articles and posts during Mental Health Awareness Week. Here are a few useful links:

https://www.facebook.com/mindandsouluk The Mind and Soul Foundation have been posting really helpful advice on their Facebook page this week.

https://www.eauk.org/news-and-views/what-could-a-mental-health-friendly-church-look-like?fbclid=IwAR2ONmQJHnuGcf-Z_QaRkzLRT0QP9QyMDMfHwamAe2Wz2dnEhziecEcr_68 Rachael Newham from brilliant mental health charity Kintsugi Hope on how churches can be more supportive.

https://www.facebook.com/KintsugiHope Kintsugi Hope have also been posting tips for loneliness. Also included is a video from founder Patrick Regan on his own struggles, how he felt such shame to begin with but has come to understand that people with anxiety are some of the most courageous and faith-filled.

You can also find some links to helpful books here.

Grace-Filled Marriage turns 1!

I can’t quite believe that our Grace-Filled Marriage book has just turned one! As part of our celebrations we are offering a ten per cent discount on single orders as well as free postage (UK only). Please email me on cmusters@icloud.com if you would like to find out more – or to arrange a discount for multiple copies. As it is Marriage Week from 10–16 May this is the perfect time to focus on your marriage. You could also encourage friends, family and church members to do the same! I will keep the offer going throughout Marriage Week. We have also provided a series of videos to accompany the book, through the Big Church Read. While you can work through them as a couple, they are perfect to watch and discuss alongside other couples that you trust.

Can I also ask anyone who has read the book but not posted a review to consider doing so – it really does help authors when you do. Thank you so much.