Category: Discipleship

Time for a fresh start?

Reflections based on John 21:15–22.

This interaction between Peter and Jesus is one that always causes a heart response in me, because it beautifully reveals how God restores us.

This was the first time that Peter had spoken one on one with Jesus since the resurrection – and since that horrifying day when he had disowned him, and then watched him die an agonising death. Peter had been so sure of himself, so sure that he would stand by Jesus no matter what (see Mark 14) and yet Jesus knew that Peter would deny him three times.

How all of that must have played heavily on Peter’s mind, even after Jesus appeared, resurrected, to them all. He must have felt that he had blown it and yet what does Jesus do in this interaction between them? In a beautiful display of forgiveness and reinstatement, he asks Peter three times: ‘do you love me?’ By the third time, Peter was feeling hurt and yet, although tough at the time, those three questions were for the three denials. Jesus was bringing restoration. As I explain in my book Taking Off the Mask:

‘The first two times, the Greek word he [Jesus] uses for love is agape, which means self-sacrificial love. The first time it is in the context of the group; the second he is focusing on just Peter. The third time the word Jesus uses is phileis, from the word philos, which means beloved or friend. Here Jesus is talking about brotherly affection. I believe, through this process, he is asking Peter to both confront his past mistakes and look honestly at what his true feelings and motivations are. Jesus uses this to redeem Peter and charges him with the task of looking after the church: ‘feed my sheep’ (v.17)’

It may be that during this time of lockdown you have struggled in certain areas. Being in close quarters with family has certainly brought out the best, but also the worst, in all of us in my household, and I know we’ve had to learn to apologise to one another quickly. We have found, as time has gone on, that patience has worn thinner and we have been less gracious towards one another. We have had to recognise our mistakes and bring peace and restoration to our relationships.

One of the things I think God has been stirring in many of us is the necessity of looking at our usual priorities. Do our lives need recalibrating in any way? Are there practises that we need to discard, and new ones we need to put into place going forward?

And what about our motivations? We watched on in horror at the murder of George Floyd, but many of us have since been learning that not being racist is not enough – we must show that we are anti-racist and stand in unity with one another. We need to search our hearts for our own wrong attitudes and actions, and be quick to repentance.

How reassuring it is that we serve a God whose mercies are new every morning, who remains faithful and true – and who provides us with a fresh start when we need one.

A time to mourn

Reflections based on Ecclesiastes 3:4: ‘A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.’

Ecclesiastes 3 talks about the fact that there is a time for everything, and this verse includes times for weeping and mourning. Personally, I am living in a strange time of mourning the loss of my mother and now my grandmother deeply, but also realising that life goes on and there is much to be positive about too.

I know that we are months into this pandemic, and so many others are in a similar position of mourning – but their loved ones died unexpectedly from this horrible coronavirus. I cannot imagine the pain of not being able to say goodbye to my own mother, and yet that is what has just happened to my dad…

The government is at the stage of trying to ease lockdown as the numbers of deaths and newly infected patients is decreasing. However, there still seems to be much to weep and mourn about. Thousands and thousands of people have died, nurses, doctors, care home workers and those in prisons, supermarkets, food banks and elsewhere are literally working around the clock to provide care and keep necessary facilities open. The mental and physical toll on them must be extraordinary.

And last week we learned of the tragic and totally senseless death of George Floyd, at the hands of police. It has sparked outrage across the world and riots and peaceful protests have been occurring in many large cities. It is right for us to mourn and weep with George’s family. But also with all who have spoken about seeing themselves in the terrifying image of him being held down with a white policeman’s knee on his neck.

This poor man’s death has raised the profile of another pandemic sadly rife in our societies: racism. And we need to take the time to mourn for the fact that, for all our ‘advances’, we are not united as one people. All of us are made in the image of God, and Jesus came to reconcile us not just to the Father but to each other. However, these gospel truths are not reflected in so many people’s experiences – and we should weep at that knowledge.

I was stopped in my tracks when I had the pleasure – and challenge – of editing Ben Lindsay’s book We Need to Talk about Race. There was so much in it that confronted my largely comfortable, privileged life and made me realise I don’t fully understand the experiences of so many of my brothers and sisters. And it is far too easy to simply ignore that fact, and spend my time with those I’m comfortable with, with those that are like me.

It is time to mourn our own prejudices and apathy – and repent of them –but also time to take action. To stand alongside those who are being oppressed, and to take the time to listen to them in order to gain understanding. Our nation has seen a rise in community spirit through the lockdown; may we now come together in unity, lifting up those who have been brought low in order that we may all stand as one against the horrors of injustice.

Time to be honest

‘Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up’ (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10).

Today I have enjoyed my monthly catch up with three other writers. We take time out to ask each other how we are generally, and how our writing is going. There was a common theme in our conversation, which I have noticed with other interactions I’ve had in recent days – we’ve had good days and bad days.

It was a breath of fresh air for me, as I have had a little run of harder days. We each need to remind ourselves that we all have our ups and downs, rather than feeling like a failure on the down days.

Particularly during this time of ongoing crisis, which continues alongside the monotony of being stuck indoors, there are days when we just don’t seem ourselves. It is OK to admit that – both to ourselves and to others.

I love the sense of being there for one another when we fall down, which is described so well in the Ecclesiastes verses. Last week I had what I would describe as a complete meltdown – everything seemed too much: work, family, church, relationships. I felt like I was totally spent and yet was still being pulled in every different direction possible.

Firstly, I needed to voice how I felt to God, and then to my husband. That helped. But I had a catch up chat booked in the same night with my close friends, and I struggled to decide whether I should share the same information with them, as they are in the church we lead. And yet, as soon as I did, I felt something lift.

Afterwards, I worried that I had overburdened them, although we had each shared honestly about our struggles as well as our joys. But I hadn’t. It highlighted to me, once again, that we are meant to live in relationship with others. We need each other, and in this time of isolation we need to find ways to be honest with those we trust about how we are coping, or not coping.

When one of us feels like we have fallen down, those around us can hold out a metaphorical hand to pull us back up. And we can do the same back to our friends when they need help and encouragement. Let’s not be too proud, ashamed or fearful to be honest with the people we trust. While it might be more difficult in this time of social distancing, we can still find ways to support one another.

Prayer: Thank You Lord that You have created us for relationship. Help me to remember that You long for me to be honest with You, but also that my friends and family are often Your hands and feet, helping to support me in practical ways. Help me to be the same for them, even during this challenging time.

Waiting well

Reflections based on Luke 2:21–40.

‘He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him’ (v25).

In Luke 2, we read about Mary and Joseph taking the baby Jesus to be presented to God at the Temple. Inside the Templeare two elderly servants of God – Simeon, a devout, righteous man, and Anna the prophetess, aged 84, who had been widowed after only seven years of marriage. The Holy Spirit had revealed to Simeon that he would see the Messiah before he died. I wonder what his expectations had been before that day – I can’t imagine that he had envisaged a young baby born to a poor couple.

It was vital that Simeon heard the prompting of the Holy Spirit, both in leading him to the Temple on that particular day at that specific time, and also in recognising who Jesus truly was. How much time must he have spent in preparation for that day? In prayer, waiting on God, listening to His voice? Did he wait patiently? Did years pass uneventfully before God prompted him on that day? We are not given such details.

And, for Anna, the pain of losing her husband so early on in her marriage must have been excruciating. The details we are given of her really challenge me – right from that moment up until the age of 84, she spent each day worshipping, praying and fasting. Both were faithful in their waiting, and it took many years for them to reach this moment of joyful recognition of their Saviour.

Whatever age you are, God wants you to hear His voice. If He makes a promise to you a period of waiting may be involved, and the answer may not come in the way you expect.

Perhaps, like me, you’ve become quite tired of the lockdown: the endless monotony of days stuck at home, juggling work with ensuring the kids are doing their school work too. Evenings are then taken up with zoom meetings and FaceTime, as well as preparation for church meetings. Life actually seems to be more intense and busy than usual, with little space to process what is going on. The cry of my heart has been, in recent days, ‘How much longer, Lord?’ As well as, if I’m being totally honest, ‘I’ve had enough – I can’t do this anymore!’ For some of you, a similar cry will have gone up, but for very different reasons. Perhaps you have spent lockdown alone, and are desperate to see people in the flesh again. Or maybe you are a key worker, pouring yourself out daily for those around you, but tired to your bones and in need of proper, extended rest.

I know that God is moving in this intensely difficult time, and that the waiting, however painful, is not being wasted. There is so much we don’t understand, but many of us are re-evaluating, having been stripped of what usually brings us security. We don’t like what we are seeing all around us, our hearts are bleeding for the huge losses and resulting heartbreak, but God is at work even in the midst of this horrific crisis. There seems to be a new hunger for prayer – but, alongside that, some of us are having to try and find new ways of connecting with God as we don’t have the same opportunities that we used to. For others, a kind of stagnation has taken place, as we struggle to find the impetus for anything, let alone prayer.

Please know that, whatever stage you are at, you are not alone. There will be others feeling like you do. And God hasn’t left you, however it feels right now. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been at times for both Simeon and Anna to keep on going, keep on holding on to the promises God had whispered to their souls. And yet the joy of that day, when they finally saw Him, the Saviour of their souls!

My prayer for each of us is that we will remain faithful as the lockdown and the necessary waiting get harder, that we will hear God’s voice and notice the prompting of His Spirit. While our world seems to have changed almost beyond recognition, thank God that He remains the same yesterday, today and forever…

When God delays

A pencil drawing my daughter did recently, which I think evocatively captures the fatigue and despair we can feel when we do not understand what is going on.

Reflections based on Matthew 1:18–25.

‘… he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream …’ (vv.19–20)

It is interesting to pause and consider why God revealed His plans to Mary and Joseph at different times. The angel Gabriel first spoke to Mary. So why didn’t God give Joseph his dream, which confirmed His plans for the virgin birth, on the same night? Then, when Mary and Joseph spoke together, they would have been able to reassure each other that they had both heard from God. That would seem to make sense, but God chose not to do it that way.

Joseph ‘had in mind’ to divorce Mary privately, to avoid public disgrace. He knew about her pregnancy, but could not bring himself to accept the explanation of divine conception. His was a perfectly understandable response, considering it had never happened before – in fact, he was being very gracious by considering divorcing her quietly. It would have been a difficult time of emotional turmoil for both of them, so why did God allow the delay?

In a similar vein, today we know why Jesus delayed turning to Bethany in order to heal the dying Lazarus, because it meant that God’s glory would be revealed to so many more through the much greater miracle of raising him from the dead. But for his sisters, Mary and Martha, the four days between Lazarus’ death and resurrection were full of grief, pain, confusion, anguish – and possibly anger towards Jesus (John 11:1–45). 

There may be no obvious reason to us as to why God allows a delay. His ways and timings are not ours and we can be perplexed by the ways He does things, and the timings He chooses. You may well be currently living through what seems like a painful delay in your own life.

For us all, the global pandemic has us experiencing loss, confusion and pain. I don’t understand why God seemingly delays, although, amidst the horrors, I have also seen and heard of His faithfulness. Like Mary and Martha, we don’t know the end of the story – but He does, and we can trust Him even when we also want to rant and rail about what is going on. Incredibly, He also comes and sits with us in the pain, inviting us to be honest about it. John 11 shows us that Jesus feels deep emotion too – He is willing to be the one that we cry on, but will also cry alongside us. There is something deeply mysterious but also beautiful about this.

Like Mary, the mother of Jesus, and Lazarus’ sisters Mary and Martha, when we are perplexed by what seems to be inexplicable delay, let us hold on to the knowledge of God’s perfect love and His never-changing goodness. 

Prayer: Father, when everything in me cries out for You to act and yet Your answer seems delayed, help me to cling on to the fact that You are good and that You love me more deeply than I comprehend. Your delays are for a purpose, even when I can’t see that. 

God’s life-changing interruptions

Reflections based on Luke 1:26–49.

‘“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.”’ (v.38)

As we continue to look at how God’s supernatural timing affects our lives, we turn now to the story of Mary. God certainly cut across her plans – to marry Joseph and set up home together. She was a young betrothed teenage girl, full of hopes for her future; she would never have imagined the scenario she now found herself in. And yet. She still submitted herself totally to God’s will and timing. However, she must have been wondering how her parents, Joseph and wider community would react to her pregnancy.

Today, we can look back at her story, knowing that God chose her, a virgin, to fulfil Old Testament prophecy concerning the Messiah’s birth (Isa. 7:14). He knew her character – her love for Him and His purposes, and her obedient, servant heart.

Many other biblical figures experienced God breaking supernaturally into their lives, such as Moses, Gideon, Samuel. So might we. Sometimes this happens because our plans are not quite He had in mind. We can be very focused on our own well-being, but God wants us to be a part of His ongoing story of salvation and love – to be His hands and feet to reach this world.

This global pandemic has interrupted all of our lives in ways unimaginable just a few short months ago. Alongside the bewildering grief and pain, it has also provided a huge opportunity for the Church to be scattered once more; to reach neighbours and friends perhaps in a completely new way.

We cry out to God to break in and stop the devastation the relentless virus is causing. What if He also wants to break into our lives afresh, and to the lives of those around us – perhaps through us?

Mary willingly submitted to God when He interrupted her plans to reveal His plan for her life. How will we respond, if He breaks into our lockdown experiences? 

Prayer: Lord we don’t understand fully what is going on in the world today, but we know we don’t have to understand to be able to trust You. We pray for Your mercy and Your love to reach far and wide. And help us to be attentive to what You are doing in this time. Help us to recognise when You do break in – and to be humble enough to do what You ask of us. Amen.

Waiting and heartache

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It seems like an appropriate time to return to the study series we had been doing weekly: ‘God’s timing in our times’. And this one seems particularly apt too, as we are in the sixth week of lockdown. So many on social media are talking about a sense of struggle this week – and I know my family are feeling it too. We are in a time of waiting, and it’s difficult. So what can we learn from Elizabeth?

Reflections based on Luke 1:5–25,39–41,56.

Elizabeth has so much to teach us about waiting. She must have suffered a lot throughout her early married life, childlessness, in those days, was believed then to be a curse from God – and yet she was a descendant of Aaron and married to a priest! Her neighbours and friends must have wondered what her great sin was. At the very least she would have been the object of pity. 

God’s delay in Elizabeth’s life may have been, in part, because it was not yet time for her ‘miracle son’ to be conceived. Mary, her younger relative, might have needed the encouragement of another God-initiated pregnancy at the time of Jesus’ conception. She was only a teenage girl, while Elizabeth was ‘in her old age’ (Luke 1:36). So Elizabeth lived through long, painful barren years while Mary grew up. When they were reunited in pregnancy, the baby inside Elizabeth leapt at the sound of Mary’s voice!

The women then spent three months together, during which time I am sure they prepared for their sons’ births and prayed for each other. But what can we learn from Elizabeth today? In her time of waiting and suffering she remained a faithful, worshipping woman. 

Too often we can allow our pain and suffering to turn us away from God. As we become more impatient during lockdown, as things seem to be harder and drawn out, more of us are turning to past-times that numb us: Netflix, binge-eating, excess alcohol. It is important that we acknowledge when we are finding life tough – when relationships within our homes are getting strained due to the close proximity, when we are concerned about relatives and friends on their own, when we hear of people close to us having to deal with the virus – either in themselves or others. 

But we can also remember to look to the Word of God to bring us life and sustenance. So many characters within the Bible struggled as they faced immense difficulties. Their stories are included so that we can learn from them and draw encouragement and hope. Today, let’s look draw strength from Elizabeth’s example and trust in God’s goodness as she did, even through her pain.

Prayer: Lord, when I don’t understand what You are doing in my life, and in the world around me, please give me the grace to remain strong in trust and hope, and faithful to You. 

Finding our secure place in the darkness

I have held off writing about the current coronavirus pandemic, mainly because I haven’t really had a chance to formulate my thoughts much before now. Working from home (which I usually do but now there’s an extra workload), as well as helping my kids navigate online schooling, there are precious few moments of quiet in any given day. I think it is important not to simply jump on the bandwagon of making a comment without having something to say. There have also been some incredibly helpful articles out there, that I have really appreciated (as well as some scaremongering that I’ve learned to ignore).

I also know that I’m in a process of grieving – for my mum, for my dad who has not only lost his wife, but has lost all sense of community since the lockdown and is so, so lonely. It breaks my heart every time I think of him alone, surrounded by the memories of mum but with no one there to process it with. I long for him to know his maker…But that is all mixed up with a general sense of grief and loss for what is happening right now, across the world. I know there are so many who didn’t get the chance to sit next to their dying relative, as we did, and I can’t quite imagine what they are going through now. And so many who are unable to attend a family member’s funeral – how difficult not to have that closure; it seems so cruel. My heart bleeds when I see the news (so much so that I made a conscious decision not to watch it every day anymore, as I sensed my stress levels rising). 

Our world has certainly been stopped in its tracks. And, while I don’t believe God has brought the virus as judgement upon us, because God sent Jesus not to judge the world but to save all those in the world who put their faith in him* (John 3:17–18), I do believe there are lessons we are meant to learn as Christians from this time. Of course, we are meant to learn at every other time too, but this certainly seems more urgent (but also more difficult for many of us – those working around the clock in hospitals, care homes, schools and supermarkets barely have time to rest their bodies let alone nourish their spirits. But God has grace for each one of us, in our specific situations too.)

Many people have commented that they don’t want to go back to normal once this is over – indeed it has been said so many times that some are getting tired of hearing that statement. For now, I think God is calling us back to him, calling us to repent of the ‘gods’ of materialism, busyness, individualism – and anything else we’ve allowed to take his place, even in small, subtle ways. He is a jealous God, but also a loving one, and, if we take time to listen, he is calling us back, calling us closer.

I sense a need for repentance in my own life, and collectively in the Church, but I also know God is wooing us with gentle tenderness, offering comfort and hope – so that we can offer the same to those around us by pointing them to Jesus. I keep being reminded of these verses:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. (2 Corinthians 1:3–5). 

I know that this is a bewildering, difficult, painful time for so many of us, punctuated with some unexpected moments of deep joy as we see the sacrifices people are making for one another, and the rise in a collective sense of community. Let us be those that draw close to God in order to receive the comfort that we need, which may mean giving ourselves permission to rant and rail when we need to, to sit and howl at the desperate plight of so many (perhaps ourselves if we are currently battling the virus in our family or friendship groups). But let’s also give ourselves time to be reminded of the ultimate, eternal hope that we have in Christ Jesus, who: ‘For the joy that was set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God’ (Hebrews 12:2). 

We might not understand what is going on right now, and we may have myriad questions for God about the situation, but we can be reassured that Jesus is on his eternal throne, and he will never be shaken from it. That is the secure place from which we can wrestle and allow ourselves to accept the difficulties and darkness of this time – and be open to the transformation and change God may have for us in it.

*I love this quote from Phil Moore’s excellent piece on what we can learn from the message of Revelation in the upcoming May issue of Premier Christianity magazine: ‘World history is not going to end with a deadly virus or a nuclear holocaust. God’s plan for humanity will not end with a funeral, but with a wedding.’ That is a sneak preview, as I’ve been helping out with the magazine – it is packed full of helpful articles about the virus and church in this time. You can request a free copy of the magazine – wait until Monday to ensure you are getting this issue, if you would like to, but then click here. You can, of course, also sign up for a subscription…

Resurrection Joy

Happy Easter! Below is a poem that I will be sharing in our online service today. It was written by my mum when I was just ten years old – I discovered it after she had died, which makes it all the more special to me. She is in the place that Jesus prepared for her, enjoying ‘light, joy, peace and eternal gladness’. What a future we have to look forward to!

Jesus, the Son of God,
Laid in an empty tomb.
A cold, dark, lonely place,
Reminder that when life is done
We go just as we came, with no possessions.
All we enjoy while we live out our span
Is gifted from our loving heavenly Father
The greatest gift He ever gave
Was Jesus, God made flesh
And man destroyed His human flesh,
And thinking ‘twas the end of Him
Laid Him to rest, deep in that tomb
And, just in case of trickery,
They rolled a stone, and set a guard to watch
If it had ended here,
What purpose would there be in life?
To live a span and then into a tomb?
But God, our wondrous Lord, divine creator,
Could never be restrained within a tomb
And, following, that dark and dreadful
Day of crucifixion
Comes the glorious day of resurrection joy
He rose, He walked and talked and shared
With those who loved Him
And then He went once more to reign above
Where now He has a place prepared for you and me.
So, take no thought for earthly possessions
Nor, even what you eat, or what you wear,
Our heavenly Father will supply all earthly needs,
And at the end
No empty, lonely cold and solemn tomb
But light, joy, peace, eternal gladness.
Let’s join our Saviour,
Resurrection Joy!

Feeling hemmed in?

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Reflections based on Genesis 39:20–23.

What a challenging story! In the most extreme circumstances Joseph surrendered himself totally to God. He spent 13 years altogether in captivity (firstly enslaved, then imprisoned) before he became Pharaoh’s right-hand man.

For some of us, this time of forced isolation may feel like imprisonment. With strict instructions to stay at home, and only make essential journeys for provisions, those who live by themselves may be battling loneliness. Those of us with families may be finding their homes become like pressure cookers, with each person’s stress levels rising as we navigate being with one another 24/7 (we have had moments like that in our house this week!).

Whether we feel like the days are stretching out before us with no end in sight, or we are desperate for a bit of space to ourselves, I think we can learn from Joseph’s attitude to his difficult years. It seems that Joseph didn’t turn against God or blame Him for the unjust circumstances he found himself in. He may have been aware of God’s sustaining presence with Him, for we read: ‘… while Joseph was … in the prison, the LORD was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favour … (vv.20–21). I pray that, whether you are struggling today or not, you will sense God’s presence with you.

And, whether we have a lot of time on our hands right now, or are having to snatch moments in between working and trying to help our children with their daily school tasks, I also pray that during this lockdown we will each have the opportunity to get to know God more deeply. That will look different for each of us. I have had to learn not to get frustrated by the lack of time I have currently – and my time with God looks different right now. We are each having to adjust; may we remember to include God in the decisions we make and in the changes to our daily lives, asking Him to order our days.

Prayer: Lord I thank You that You are not surprised by the strange circumstances that we find ourselves in currently. I pray that each of us will sense Your presence, and will find new ways of drawing close to You today.