Time for…rest

Reflections based on Psalm 23:1–4.

In all honesty, these last few weeks have been incredibly difficult. As I’ve said before, life in lockdown has been so much busier than usual, there have been some huge challenges with people and particular situations, and I have also had my first birthday without my mum. All of that has meant that I have reached way beyond my capacity – emotionally but also physically. Last week my body started fighting back, with a notable upsurge in the degree of pain my head and neck have been in and regular nosebleeds (frustratingly often when I was trying to get to bed).

As well as taking the emotional difficulties to God to work through daily, I started trying to get to bed early. But, even when I did, I couldn’t sleep. It was a very frustrating week! Thankfully, although emotionally quite painful, my birthday also included some lovely times of celebration with friends and family. It was so wonderful to host my family again for the first time in a number of years (although I said to my husband afterwards that I’d forgotten what hard work hosting is! Lockdown has obviously gone on for far too long!).

When this week started, I could sense something had shifted. I realised that I had become engulfed in swirling waves of depression and darkness: my responses to things were not usual and I was becoming very negative. But, on Monday, that fog began to lift. Yesterday, I even felt a bit of relief from the head and neck ache – although that was short-lived. However, the sense of hope was quickening within me again.

As I started pondering a short message I will be sending to a women’s group that I should have been speaking to in person next weekend, I was drawn to a couple of verses in Psalm 23. But, after he had given me what he wanted me to say to them, God then reminded me of what it says at the start of the Psalm. That he ‘makes me lie down’ and ‘leads me’. I was struck afresh by how active those descriptions are – the first sounds a tad aggressive even (well, authoritative is perhaps a better word). But then that may be in response to my own actions…

I know I started lockdown with all the best intentions – helping my husband with the huge learning curve of getting church online and producing content each week, supporting our kids not only with online learning but also their spiritual health, keeping the groups I’m involved with in church connected via different online meetings and special events and being in daily contact with my family as we had just lost our mum/wife, as well as dealing with a heavier (but enjoyable) workload (which included finishing the book on marriage my husband and I have written).

It wasn’t really a surprise that there was a physical and emotional cost to what I was doing. I should have read the warning signs earlier but, even when I had, there was little I could suddenly drop.

I did enjoy a wonderful online retreat, led by the amazing Sharon Brown, in which I had space to process grief but also hear from God about my need for rest. But, as sometimes happens, directly after that, there seemed to be a kick back – life was suddenly more challenging and I found my journal littered with questions for God about why he would tell me to rest, when he knew what was going to happen!

I know that all I need is found in God, and he is always with me, but there are times when circumstances can seem completely overwhelming, even when we are doing all the ‘right’ things, connecting with him regularly and looking to him for direction and guidance day by day.

Fast forward to this week. When I can actively see his hand at work. Many of the evening activities that we had planned got cancelled and, just yesterday, I turned to my husband and said: “Maybe we are supposed to just rest in the evenings this week.”

It certainly feels like God has suddenly stepped in and said: “Enough is enough. Just rest.” It doesn’t mean that everything has stopped; I still have lots of work to attend to, and my husband is planning a new preaching series, plus writing his own preach for this weekend. We are also constantly discussing the next steps for the church, now that lockdown is beginning to ease. But, in the midst of all that, it does feel like God is beckoning us to lie down in the green pastures he has prepared for us. That he has refreshment for our souls.

I am reminded that Jesus was busy, but never harassed. He had found those “unforced rhythms of grace” that I long for at times (Matthew 11:28–30, The Message). He could sleep in peace on a boat in the midst of a raging storm (Matthew 8:23–27). The outer circumstances that can so often cause stress did not faze him. He also knew how important it was to take time away with his Father to be refreshed.

These are all things I know, and try to practise purposefully in my own life. But I am glad to know that, when my own efforts fall short, I can rely on the Lord my shepherd to step in to look after me; to make me lie down in order to rest.

Reflection: What about you? Does this resonate with where you are at? Is God leading you beside quiet waters today? Make sure to follow wherever he leads…

Time to take stock

Reflections based on Ephesians 5:15–16.

This week we attended a virtual meeting with the other new pupils, head of year and assistant head for the school our son will be moving to in September. The school’s motto is: Per Ardua Ad Summa, ‘Through Difficulties to the Heights’, and much weight was given to the fact that they will all face new challenges, and will find some things difficult, and yet they were encouraged to push through, and keep trying, as that is how we discover who we are and what we excel at.

That is, in part, what I feel this passage in Ephesians is also saying to us. That we need to continue making the most of every opportunity that we have before us. We need to be wise with our time, and with what we give our attention to, but, as lockdown begins to ease, this is also an opportunity to reflect on where we are at in our lives – spiritually, mentally and physically.

I know some are desperate for lockdown to end; others have enjoyed the extra time it has given them. Some have embraced new hobbies; others have struggled with binge eating, drinking and TV watching. Whichever describes you (or perhaps none of that does), have you taken the time to ask God what his will is for your life currently? We can too easily settle, whatever the circumstances we find ourselves in. Are you still pressing into God for all he has for you personally in this rather strange and perplexing year?

For myself, I have reached physical exhaustion, but am finding space to refresh myself spiritually. Just today I had the sudden realisation that I have been hit afresh with a new wave of grief – it can creep up but engulf so quickly. But I need to be wise in how I deal with it; giving myself space to process but not to allow myself to be overcome with the darkness.

We each have the responsibility, and joy, of discovering God’s will for our lives, and for being careful about how we live. Try to take some time today before him to take stock of how healthy each area of your life is.

Reflection: Let me leave you with a couple of quotes from Brother Lawrence to ponder, from The Practise of the Presence of God. My mum wrote them in a card to me for my 40th birthday, and I discovered it again today. His comments are a great starting point for thinking about living wisely, and in God’s will:

‘To be always with God; and to do nothing, say nothing and think nothing which may displease him; and this without any other review than purely for the love of him, and because he deserves infinitely more.’

Do not forget him, but think on him often, adore him continually, live and die with him; this is the glorious employment of a Christian; in a word, this is our profession.’

His timing

Today I am celebrating the publication of the above devotional in eBook format (it will be available in print by September). It was the book I was in the middle of writing when I heard that my mum was close to dying, and so the rest of it was written sitting next to her as she took her journey to be with Jesus.

As it is a devotional, and there is an entry called ‘His timing’, which fits with our current weekly series, I thought I’d give you a sneak preview of the contents. The following is taken from day 18 (and is also a passage I have preached on recently – click here for the full preach, or here for a shortened version):

Reflections based on John 11:17–27.

Jesus stayed away when He heard that Lazarus had become ill, because He knew God wanted to work a miracle. But what about Mary and Martha, Lazarus’ sisters? They were not privy to such information. Jesus was a good friend – they had reached out to let Him know about their brother, so must have expected Him to return. They must have been so confused and disappointed when He didn’t appear. And then they suffered the loss of their beloved brother… Lazarus had been dead for four days by the time that Jesus arrived. While Martha went out to see Him, Mary did not. I think I would have been inconsolable by this point – and probably very angry. 

I find it so interesting that Jesus asks Martha to exercise her faith to express who she believes He is before her brother is raised. Often it is in that waiting time – when we can also be dealing with a lot of pain – that displaying our faith is the most difficult, and yet He is still the Messiah, He is the resurrection and the life.

There are many instances in our lives when we don’t understand God’s timing, when He seems to wait to answer our prayers – or perhaps doesn’t even seem to answer them at all. I was really moved and challenged by a eulogy I heard recently. Speaker and writer Priscilla Shirer’s mother had died; she tweeted a video of her brother speaking at the funeral. He had been wrestling with God as to why He let her die and described what God said back to him:

‘There was always only two answers to your prayers. Either she was going to be healed, or she was going to be healed. Either she was going to live, or she was going to live. Either was going to be with family, or she was going to be with family. Either she was going to be well taken care of, or she was going to be well taken care of.’ I certainly found that challenged my perspective.

Prayer: Lord, there are times when I really don’t understand what is happening, and feel the pain acutely. Help me to continue to trust You. Amen.

If you are interested in finding out more about my devotional, please click here.

Time for a fresh start?

Reflections based on John 21:15–22.

This interaction between Peter and Jesus is one that always causes a heart response in me, because it beautifully reveals how God restores us.

This was the first time that Peter had spoken one on one with Jesus since the resurrection – and since that horrifying day when he had disowned him, and then watched him die an agonising death. Peter had been so sure of himself, so sure that he would stand by Jesus no matter what (see Mark 14) and yet Jesus knew that Peter would deny him three times.

How all of that must have played heavily on Peter’s mind, even after Jesus appeared, resurrected, to them all. He must have felt that he had blown it and yet what does Jesus do in this interaction between them? In a beautiful display of forgiveness and reinstatement, he asks Peter three times: ‘do you love me?’ By the third time, Peter was feeling hurt and yet, although tough at the time, those three questions were for the three denials. Jesus was bringing restoration. As I explain in my book Taking Off the Mask:

‘The first two times, the Greek word he [Jesus] uses for love is agape, which means self-sacrificial love. The first time it is in the context of the group; the second he is focusing on just Peter. The third time the word Jesus uses is phileis, from the word philos, which means beloved or friend. Here Jesus is talking about brotherly affection. I believe, through this process, he is asking Peter to both confront his past mistakes and look honestly at what his true feelings and motivations are. Jesus uses this to redeem Peter and charges him with the task of looking after the church: ‘feed my sheep’ (v.17)’

It may be that during this time of lockdown you have struggled in certain areas. Being in close quarters with family has certainly brought out the best, but also the worst, in all of us in my household, and I know we’ve had to learn to apologise to one another quickly. We have found, as time has gone on, that patience has worn thinner and we have been less gracious towards one another. We have had to recognise our mistakes and bring peace and restoration to our relationships.

One of the things I think God has been stirring in many of us is the necessity of looking at our usual priorities. Do our lives need recalibrating in any way? Are there practises that we need to discard, and new ones we need to put into place going forward?

And what about our motivations? We watched on in horror at the murder of George Floyd, but many of us have since been learning that not being racist is not enough – we must show that we are anti-racist and stand in unity with one another. We need to search our hearts for our own wrong attitudes and actions, and be quick to repentance.

How reassuring it is that we serve a God whose mercies are new every morning, who remains faithful and true – and who provides us with a fresh start when we need one.

Waiting well

Reflections based on Luke 2:21–40.

‘He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him’ (v25).

In Luke 2, we read about Mary and Joseph taking the baby Jesus to be presented to God at the Temple. Inside the Templeare two elderly servants of God – Simeon, a devout, righteous man, and Anna the prophetess, aged 84, who had been widowed after only seven years of marriage. The Holy Spirit had revealed to Simeon that he would see the Messiah before he died. I wonder what his expectations had been before that day – I can’t imagine that he had envisaged a young baby born to a poor couple.

It was vital that Simeon heard the prompting of the Holy Spirit, both in leading him to the Temple on that particular day at that specific time, and also in recognising who Jesus truly was. How much time must he have spent in preparation for that day? In prayer, waiting on God, listening to His voice? Did he wait patiently? Did years pass uneventfully before God prompted him on that day? We are not given such details.

And, for Anna, the pain of losing her husband so early on in her marriage must have been excruciating. The details we are given of her really challenge me – right from that moment up until the age of 84, she spent each day worshipping, praying and fasting. Both were faithful in their waiting, and it took many years for them to reach this moment of joyful recognition of their Saviour.

Whatever age you are, God wants you to hear His voice. If He makes a promise to you a period of waiting may be involved, and the answer may not come in the way you expect.

Perhaps, like me, you’ve become quite tired of the lockdown: the endless monotony of days stuck at home, juggling work with ensuring the kids are doing their school work too. Evenings are then taken up with zoom meetings and FaceTime, as well as preparation for church meetings. Life actually seems to be more intense and busy than usual, with little space to process what is going on. The cry of my heart has been, in recent days, ‘How much longer, Lord?’ As well as, if I’m being totally honest, ‘I’ve had enough – I can’t do this anymore!’ For some of you, a similar cry will have gone up, but for very different reasons. Perhaps you have spent lockdown alone, and are desperate to see people in the flesh again. Or maybe you are a key worker, pouring yourself out daily for those around you, but tired to your bones and in need of proper, extended rest.

I know that God is moving in this intensely difficult time, and that the waiting, however painful, is not being wasted. There is so much we don’t understand, but many of us are re-evaluating, having been stripped of what usually brings us security. We don’t like what we are seeing all around us, our hearts are bleeding for the huge losses and resulting heartbreak, but God is at work even in the midst of this horrific crisis. There seems to be a new hunger for prayer – but, alongside that, some of us are having to try and find new ways of connecting with God as we don’t have the same opportunities that we used to. For others, a kind of stagnation has taken place, as we struggle to find the impetus for anything, let alone prayer.

Please know that, whatever stage you are at, you are not alone. There will be others feeling like you do. And God hasn’t left you, however it feels right now. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been at times for both Simeon and Anna to keep on going, keep on holding on to the promises God had whispered to their souls. And yet the joy of that day, when they finally saw Him, the Saviour of their souls!

My prayer for each of us is that we will remain faithful as the lockdown and the necessary waiting get harder, that we will hear God’s voice and notice the prompting of His Spirit. While our world seems to have changed almost beyond recognition, thank God that He remains the same yesterday, today and forever…

When God delays

A pencil drawing my daughter did recently, which I think evocatively captures the fatigue and despair we can feel when we do not understand what is going on.

Reflections based on Matthew 1:18–25.

‘… he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream …’ (vv.19–20)

It is interesting to pause and consider why God revealed His plans to Mary and Joseph at different times. The angel Gabriel first spoke to Mary. So why didn’t God give Joseph his dream, which confirmed His plans for the virgin birth, on the same night? Then, when Mary and Joseph spoke together, they would have been able to reassure each other that they had both heard from God. That would seem to make sense, but God chose not to do it that way.

Joseph ‘had in mind’ to divorce Mary privately, to avoid public disgrace. He knew about her pregnancy, but could not bring himself to accept the explanation of divine conception. His was a perfectly understandable response, considering it had never happened before – in fact, he was being very gracious by considering divorcing her quietly. It would have been a difficult time of emotional turmoil for both of them, so why did God allow the delay?

In a similar vein, today we know why Jesus delayed turning to Bethany in order to heal the dying Lazarus, because it meant that God’s glory would be revealed to so many more through the much greater miracle of raising him from the dead. But for his sisters, Mary and Martha, the four days between Lazarus’ death and resurrection were full of grief, pain, confusion, anguish – and possibly anger towards Jesus (John 11:1–45). 

There may be no obvious reason to us as to why God allows a delay. His ways and timings are not ours and we can be perplexed by the ways He does things, and the timings He chooses. You may well be currently living through what seems like a painful delay in your own life.

For us all, the global pandemic has us experiencing loss, confusion and pain. I don’t understand why God seemingly delays, although, amidst the horrors, I have also seen and heard of His faithfulness. Like Mary and Martha, we don’t know the end of the story – but He does, and we can trust Him even when we also want to rant and rail about what is going on. Incredibly, He also comes and sits with us in the pain, inviting us to be honest about it. John 11 shows us that Jesus feels deep emotion too – He is willing to be the one that we cry on, but will also cry alongside us. There is something deeply mysterious but also beautiful about this.

Like Mary, the mother of Jesus, and Lazarus’ sisters Mary and Martha, when we are perplexed by what seems to be inexplicable delay, let us hold on to the knowledge of God’s perfect love and His never-changing goodness. 

Prayer: Father, when everything in me cries out for You to act and yet Your answer seems delayed, help me to cling on to the fact that You are good and that You love me more deeply than I comprehend. Your delays are for a purpose, even when I can’t see that. 

God’s life-changing interruptions

Reflections based on Luke 1:26–49.

‘“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.”’ (v.38)

As we continue to look at how God’s supernatural timing affects our lives, we turn now to the story of Mary. God certainly cut across her plans – to marry Joseph and set up home together. She was a young betrothed teenage girl, full of hopes for her future; she would never have imagined the scenario she now found herself in. And yet. She still submitted herself totally to God’s will and timing. However, she must have been wondering how her parents, Joseph and wider community would react to her pregnancy.

Today, we can look back at her story, knowing that God chose her, a virgin, to fulfil Old Testament prophecy concerning the Messiah’s birth (Isa. 7:14). He knew her character – her love for Him and His purposes, and her obedient, servant heart.

Many other biblical figures experienced God breaking supernaturally into their lives, such as Moses, Gideon, Samuel. So might we. Sometimes this happens because our plans are not quite He had in mind. We can be very focused on our own well-being, but God wants us to be a part of His ongoing story of salvation and love – to be His hands and feet to reach this world.

This global pandemic has interrupted all of our lives in ways unimaginable just a few short months ago. Alongside the bewildering grief and pain, it has also provided a huge opportunity for the Church to be scattered once more; to reach neighbours and friends perhaps in a completely new way.

We cry out to God to break in and stop the devastation the relentless virus is causing. What if He also wants to break into our lives afresh, and to the lives of those around us – perhaps through us?

Mary willingly submitted to God when He interrupted her plans to reveal His plan for her life. How will we respond, if He breaks into our lockdown experiences? 

Prayer: Lord we don’t understand fully what is going on in the world today, but we know we don’t have to understand to be able to trust You. We pray for Your mercy and Your love to reach far and wide. And help us to be attentive to what You are doing in this time. Help us to recognise when You do break in – and to be humble enough to do what You ask of us. Amen.

Feeling hemmed in?

Reflections based on Genesis 39:20–23.

What a challenging story! In the most extreme circumstances Joseph surrendered himself totally to God. He spent 13 years altogether in captivity (firstly enslaved, then imprisoned) before he became Pharaoh’s right-hand man.

For some of us, this time of forced isolation may feel like imprisonment. With strict instructions to stay at home, and only make essential journeys for provisions, those who live by themselves may be battling loneliness. Those of us with families may be finding their homes become like pressure cookers, with each person’s stress levels rising as we navigate being with one another 24/7 (we have had moments like that in our house this week!).

Whether we feel like the days are stretching out before us with no end in sight, or we are desperate for a bit of space to ourselves, I think we can learn from Joseph’s attitude to his difficult years. It seems that Joseph didn’t turn against God or blame Him for the unjust circumstances he found himself in. He may have been aware of God’s sustaining presence with Him, for we read: ‘… while Joseph was … in the prison, the LORD was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favour … (vv.20–21). I pray that, whether you are struggling today or not, you will sense God’s presence with you.

And, whether we have a lot of time on our hands right now, or are having to snatch moments in between working and trying to help our children with their daily school tasks, I also pray that during this lockdown we will each have the opportunity to get to know God more deeply. That will look different for each of us. I have had to learn not to get frustrated by the lack of time I have currently – and my time with God looks different right now. We are each having to adjust; may we remember to include God in the decisions we make and in the changes to our daily lives, asking Him to order our days.

Prayer: Lord I thank You that You are not surprised by the strange circumstances that we find ourselves in currently. I pray that each of us will sense Your presence, and will find new ways of drawing close to You today.

God’s eleventh hour timing

Reflections based on Acts 12:1–19.

‘The night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter was sleeping … an angel of the Lord appeared …’ (vv.6–7)

Peter was awaiting trial by King Herod, knowing that his fellow disciple James had just been executed. But he wasn’t having an anxious, sleepless night. In spite of his chains and the guards around him, he was so soundly asleep that the angel we went to rescue him had to strike him to wake him up! At the eleventh hour, as believers are praying for him, Peter was miraculously freed from prison. 

You may have personally experienced God’s eleventh hour timing, in provision, healing or ‘deliverance’. I love the stories George Müller (who founded schools and orphanages in Bristol in the early 1800s) told about God’s provision. One such anecdote refers to him saying grace in front of the orphans he needed to feed. He had no food at all, but was expectant for God to move – and He did. While George was praying, the baker walked in with many loaves for them to eat.

But for all the stories of God’s incredible rescue, it is important to acknowledge that not all are healed or delivered from death. Many of the early Christians were martyred – as are many Christians still today. And, of course, thousands are dying right now at the hands of the current pandemic.

Corrie Ten Boom who, along with other family members, helped many Jews escape the Nazis from the Holocaust during World War II by hiding them in her home, was herself imprisoned in Ravensbrück concentration camp (the same camp in which her sister Betsie died). In a letter, Corrie retold an incident from her childhood:

‘When I was a little girl, I went to my father and said, “Daddy, I am afraid that I will never be strong enough to be a martyr for Jesus Christ.” “Tell me,” said Father, “When you take a train trip … when do I give you the money for the ticket? Three weeks before?” “No, Daddy, you give me the money … just before we get on the train.” “That is right,” my father said, “and so it is with God’s strength. Our Father in Heaven knows when you will need the strength … He will supply all you need just in time.”’*

May God uphold you with the strength and wisdom that you need in this time of nationwide lockdown. May you know His love and care in the moments when you feel scared or alone – and may you sense when He wants you to reach out to others; perhaps through a text or video call.

*From a letter written by Corrie Ten Boom in 1974.

Prayer: Lord, when I’m facing difficult situations help me to trust that You’ll be there ‘just in time’ – to heal me, provide for me, deliver me or give me all the strength I need (even if it is at the eleventh hour). I want to pray now for our nation during this time of lockdown; that fear and loneliness will not take root, and that Your Church will find creative ways to reach out. May we be Your hands and feet, even when we can’t physically visit others. Be with those who may be struggling with the isolation; may they reach out to You and come to know You as their loving Father and powerful saviour. Amen.

Always aware…

Reflections on 1 Thessalonians 5:16–24.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.’ (vv.16–18)

Writing to the Thessalonian Christians, the apostle Paul emphasised the importance of living in continual relationship with God. But how do we pray continually during a time of international crisis? How can we truly be joyful always, especially as we face becoming more isolated while our national leader calls for social distancing?

My mother once gave me a little book that was written by Brother Lawrence, and it had a huge impact on me, teaching me much about being aware of God in my ordinary, everyday life. He was a lay brother in a 17th-century monastic community, and his book describes how he practised being aware of God’s presence at all times – whether he was peeling potatoes in the kitchen or praying. For him there was no distinction between the two. He wrote:

‘… think often of God, by day, by night, in your business, and even in your diversions. He is always near you and with you; leave Him not alone. You would think it rude to leave a friend alone who came to visit you: why then must God be neglected? Do not then forget Him, but think on Him often, adore Him continually, live and die with Him …’ *

Brother Lawrence believed that the Lord wanted to be involved in every aspect of his daily life, however mundane, and that that has a massive impact on our outlook. I have found pausing throughout my day to recognise that God is with me, and that He longs to hear from me, helps me to connect with Him in a deeper way even while I’m working.

In this uncertain time, including God in every moment and learning to be thankful are vital practices to include in our daily routines. As life is being pared back for us all, why not take the time to focus on them in the coming days?

Prayer: Lord, help me to be aware of Your presence with me – always. Help me to trust You, to see where You are at work, and to remain thankful in my heart despite the uncertainty we are facing in these days. Amen.

*Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God (Oxford: Oneworld Publications, 1993) p.65.