Tag: Lucy Rycroft

Marriage, grief and thankfulness

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Photo by Jeremy Wong on Unsplash*

Today we all heard the sad news that Prince Philip has passed away. Having watched my dad (mainly from afar due to Covid) cope with the death of my mum just over a year ago, I was immediately reminded of how tough it is to lose a life-time partner. How lost and alone you can feel.

I was really struck by what Rachel Gardner put on social media: “Today our Queen is simply a woman who has lost her beloved husband of 70 years.” How true that is.

Here are some of thoughts I’ve had today about marriage, grief and thankfulness.

FACING THE CHALLENGES

For any couple, reaching the milestone of 70 years of marriage is enormous, and it is so sad that Prince Philip was so close to his 100th birthday. Yes, they certainly had a privileged existence – I’m not here today to discuss whether I’m a royalist or anti-royalist. But they also had duties that would have added extra strain to their relationship.

Deep down, however, they were still a couple who managed to stick together for an incredible amount of time. In our forthcoming book, Grace-Filled Marriage, blogger Lucy Rycroft from The Hope-filled Family, commented on the lessons she learned about marriage from watching The Crown. Here is the section from our book that discusses what she said: “Obviously a work of fiction, she [Lucy] spoke of how refreshing it was ‘that the script has been written to highlight tensions and situations that are very believable . . . One thing I particularly like is the way Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip’s marriage is portrayed, warts and all.’

“Despite the fact they are not a ‘normal’ couple, the Queen and Prince Philip undoubtedly face the same struggles that other couples do. There must be times when one of them finds the other tiresome, or they simply feel like they are out of touch with one another. In her blog, Lucy looks at an episode during which the Queen finishes a gruelling world tour, Philip goes on his own tour for a month, and when he comes back the Queen speaks candidly about the fact that divorce is not an option for them. She asks Prince Philip what it would take for him to be invested wholeheartedly in their marriage again.”

FAITH AS THE FUEL

That episode obviously covered both the sense of duty but also the fact that the marriage was under pressure. While we don’t know exactly what happened within their marriage, it is easy to imagine that there could have been moments like that. Knowing how strong the Queen’s faith is, I can also imagine that it helped strengthen and keep her resolve within her marriage, as well as other scenarios.

While we might not face the same situations that they did in their marriage, each one of our relationships will face different stresses and strains. May our faith fuel our responses too.

BEING THANKFUL

I am sure that the Queen is feeling the full weight of grief right now – and that she will continue journeying with it. While a strong, solid figure, she is also an elderly woman who no longer has the man who was always by her side. That is going to take some getting used to, however many ‘officials’ she has around her day by day.

While the prince had been ill for some time, when a loved one finally dies the pang of separation is no less because it was expected. But I think today is a stark reminder to us of two things: 1. the importance of togetherness in our marriage, whatever pressure it may be under; 2. how vital it is to be thankful for one another every single day, as we never know when it will be our last one together.

Let us pray for our Queen, that she may be comforted by God’s presence in her grief. And, as we consider marriage, grief and thankfulness, may we take time to reflect on our own relationships and thank God for them. Can you find a practical way to show your husband or wife how much they mean to you this weekend?

  • I haven’t used a picture of the Queen, as I worked on a magazine during her 80th birthday and the rules surrounding using images of her are so strict I wouldn’t want to get anything wrong! But I also thought using a stock photo brings home the message that actually she is simply like any wife who has just lost her husband… Whatever our circumstances, death is the great leveller.

Can we be honest about Christmas?

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I was thrilled to be asked to endorse Lucy Rycroft’s book Redeeming Advent earlier in the year. It was published in October and she is now in the throes of a blog tour – I am delighted to welcome her to my website today. And the fantastic news for you is that she has provided a free copy of the book for one of my regular readers to win! (Please see below for details of how to enter.)

It’s a privilege to be guest posting for Claire today. Her passion for honesty and authenticity has been inspiring and challenging me ever since I came across her writing.

Claire’s ministry is vital because, in real life and on social media, I’m increasingly noticing that people desire integrity over ‘relevance’. Once upon a time we all thought we had to dress a certain way, have a few piercings, act and speak ‘cool’ in order to draw others to Jesus.

But the gospel has always been, and will always be, more relevant than any of us could ever be. It doesn’t need glitz and glamour, it needs authentic people, sharing vulnerabilities and weaknesses, prepared to stand up and say ‘I struggle’ or, even, ‘I’m not very cool’.

This is the thinking behind my blog The Hope-Filled Family where I share the honest chaos (and believe me when I say it is chaos) of my family life. With four children aged 5–10, a clergy husband, an open home and a plethora of church and school commitments, we frequently boast laundry mountains, sinks full of dirty dishes, forgotten packed lunches and badly-dealt-with tantrums.

I mess up so much – and yet, in that mess, God affirms me as His daughter, Jesus redeems me from my failures and the Holy Spirit inhabits me with peace and joy.

THE BIRTH OF AN IDEA…

The blog is where my new book Redeeming Advent was birthed. In December 2017 I decided to write an Advent reflection for each day leading up to Christmas. This in itself could have been another item on my ‘failures’ list, but – by God’s grace – I made it to December 24th!

Each day I would take something that had happened that day – however mundane – or something ‘d been mulling over, and write what God might be teaching me through it. There was plenty of reality, honesty, humour and potential embarrassment, as I shared the highs and lows of our Advent that year.

Early in 2018 I found a publisher for these devotionals, so in the summer I found myself editing the whole lot, to tie them together in a way that would work for a book.

BEGINNING TO QUESTION MYSELF

During this editing process, as I read what I’d written the previous December, I started to think: Is anyone bothered about this? Do people care that I bought too much gift-wrap one year, or that I have a fear of under-catering, or that I don’t know how to use a real-life bookshop?

Of course all writers need to ask themselves questions as they write, challenging themselves to write deeper or more descriptively or in a more accessible style.

But the problem with the questions I was asking myself was that they were rooted in deep fear. Fear of what people would think of me. Fear of coming across like an idiot. Fear that literally no one would be able to relate to me. Fear that I was alone in my thoughts.

We read in 1 John 4:18 that ‘perfect love drives out fear’, and it can sound hollow to those of us whose fears are very real, very dominant and don’t look like they’re going anywhere. But I can tell you that it is only the love of God that made me confident to write openly and honestly about Advent: the fun traditions alongside the stresses and strains.

I have come to realise that I write for the people God puts in my path. That means it doesn’t matter if 99 people who read my writing think that I’m an idiot, if one person relates to what I’m saying so much that it draws them into closer connection with Jesus.

CULTURAL EXPECTATIONS

Letting go of the desire to meet others’ expectations as I write parallels the way I believe we need to let go of the cultural expectations of Christmas.

I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t decorate our trees, give presents or enjoy special meals – in fact, Redeeming Advent talks quite a bit about redeeming these ‘secular’ festivities to glorify God. 

But there are a lot of expectations around this time of year that weigh heavily on us, and these will be different for each one of us. 

Perhaps you are the person in the family who others expect to organise the Secret Santa/host Christmas/make travel plans – and it’s just draining all the joy out of you. 

Perhaps you’re a sucker for the John Lewis Christmas adverts, and feel you’ll never be able to meet this (unrealistic, by the way) cultural expectation of a beautiful Christmas from start to finish. 

Perhaps you feel the weight of your children’s expectations to provide elaborate presents, when you desperately want them to treasure Jesus first of all.

LET’S BE HONEST

This Advent, I want to plead with you: Can we be honest about Christmas? Please? Can we acknowledge the tricky family dynamics, the tight financial budget, the job uncertainty, the worry about our children, the state of our mental health, the marital difficulties, the grief, the loss, the sadness?

Because, if we do, I think we might discover better connection to others, as we share our burdens and empathise with the suffering of others.

And, even more importantly, I think we will discover more of the Jesus who came down to this damaged earth in a busy, messy way, who knew what it was like to be a refugee, an outcast, an oddball, a target of others’ attacks.

This, friends, is where we will find our perfect Christmas. Not in the perfectly arranged place settings at the Christmas table, nor in the perfectly coordinated baubles on our tree, but in the perfection of our Saviour, who endured the suffering caused by others, so that He might rescue us from ours.

Have a very blessed Christmas!

Lucy Rycroft blogs about parenting, adoption and faith at  The Hope-Filled Family. Her first book Redeeming Advent is an accessible 24-day Advent devotional and you can buy it here. Lucy lives in York with her husband Al and their four children.

BOOK GIVEAWAY!

Lucy has kindly provided a free copy for me to give away to one of my blog readers! To enter, please sign up to my mailing list below. If you are already signed up, simply make a comment about Lucy’s blog and I’ll include you in the draw. The deadline to sign up is Sunday 10 November – I’ll be choosing a winner on Monday 11 November.
* UK residents only please.

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