Showing compassion

Photo by Alex Green from Pexels

This is the start of what will be regular posts on marriage, as we look towards (and beyond) the launch of our book Grace-filled Marriage.

As we are easing slowly out of lockdown, now is a good time to reflect on whether you feel your marriage has been strengthened by the experience – or if you are feeling the strain. One of the ways you can gauge that is by asking whether you are showing compassion to you partner – and yourself.

I think it is important that we all acknowledge we have been affected by the past year, and that will undoubtedly have a knock-on effect on our closest relationships, including our marriage.

HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS

I am very aware of how close to the surface my emotions have become. I found it extremely helpful when I chatted to Dr Kate Middleton in preparation for an article I was writing for Premier Christianity magazine. She explained to me that: “Life is a bit like climbing a wall – you know where all the handholds are, so you can just do it without thinking. But the pandemic has knocked out every aspect of normal life. So you’re climbing a wall, but there are no handholds. And actually, the wall’s changed too. And every time you figure out how to climb it, there are new boulders or a handhold’s moved. It’s constant demand on your mind, which means that your stress baseline has risen.”

We all have a point where our mental and cognitive resources are about to be exceeded. With the baseline risen right up to near that crisis point, any little challenge in everyday life can tip us over into what is called “the overwhelm space”. Here, our brain “starts to close down anything that feels non-essential. So your ability to think clearly is dropped right down. You can’t focus. You can’t remember things as well. Your emotions are really close to the surface.” 

FEELING OVERWHELMED

Steve and I have both commented that our memories have worsened during this year. And what Kate said about emotions really describes me. Even after losing my mum just before lockdown, then coping with the added workload it meant for us as a family when my husband had to move the church services online, I seemed to be OK. I recognised I was grieving and made allowances for that. But then I was also so keen to ensure everyone in church felt connected that I worked myself too hard, and reached burnout by last summer.

I changed the pace, and thought I was doing OK again, but some recent difficulties we’ve been dealing with as a family have made me feel overwhelmed 99 per cent of the time. Nowadays I regularly say to my family: “remember I’m just below that overwhelm point – I could tip over at any point”. I recognise that that’s a cry from me, for them to consider showing compassion towards me.

LOSING IT

I would say that Steve and I have coped incredibly well with all that life has thrown at us and the community that we care for during the pandemic. We have worked well together, helped one another out and spent plenty of time lifting situations and people before God. And yet there have been moments when the stress has shown. We have both had difficulty sleeping – and have been quicker to lose our tempers (much more abnormal for Steve than me!).

One illustration of how my emotions keep spilling out of me was when we were planning the Easter service. Steve had overall responsibility for it, and was preaching, while I was leading worship. I had planned the songs around when he wanted us to take communion. Then, on Good Friday morning, as he completed his preach he felt he needed to move communion back to after his talk. I completely lost it – initially shouting but then simply breaking down. As soon as he walked away, I immediately envisioned what songs could change and how I could reorder things. I also recognised that that conversation had been the tipping point for a lot of emotion about the burdens I was carrying at the time (an extra workload, supporting our children through some difficulties).

When Steve reappeared I apologised, and explained that I was more than able to accommodate his request – but that I also felt like I could no longer cope. I was able to explain to him how I was feeling and we were able to share the burden and pray about it. I needed to show compassion to myself in that moment – but also to him. The thought had crossed my mind that he should know what I was facing and how I was feeling, but then I checked myself. (Writing a chapter about that helped prompt me – although I did also inwardly groan. 😉 )

BEING KIND TO ONE ANOTHER

In ‘normal’ life we all have moments when we feel stressed and therefore don’t behave in quite the way we should towards our partner. This is when showing compassion to each other is so important. It is even more vital after what we have experienced in the past year.

As Sarah and Jeff Walton share so wisely in Grace-filled Marriage: “Suffering doesn’t make us sinful; it simply draws our sin to the surface…We have to remember that the same is true for our spouse. It’s easy to excuse our own sinful response to suffering, while condemning our spouse’s. So, before we react to our spouse, we need to remind ourselves of what Christ has done for us so that we can respond with grace and humility, knowing when to be quiet and let the Spirit work in our spouse and when to gently point out an area of struggle. 

“One thing that has helped in regards to when to speak and when to be quiet has been asking ourselves if our spouse is speaking out of emotion (or as Job says, ‘speaking words of the wind’ [see Job 6:26; 8:2]), which is often spoken out of grief rather than theological belief. We don’t need to correct everything our spouse says that isn’t true in the heat of the moment, but gently and humbly point out or challenge a consistent action or way of thinking that becomes a pattern. Our aim is to bless our spouse by pointing them to greater freedom in Christ, not burdening them down with harsh and unhelpful words.”

UNDERSTANDING ONE ANOTHER

Steve could have corrected me for the way I behaved on Good Friday, but thankfully he recognised there was something else going on and showed compassion towards me. And I was able to speak up and explain to him how I was feeling – thereby showing compassion to us both. It was important that he recognised how his request had exacerbated how I was feeling – but now he had a chance to do something about that.

There may be moments in which you both react in ways that reveal an underlying stress caused by this pandemic. The question is: will you show compassion to one another?

How long Lord?

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We can sometimes find it hard to know how to relate to Easter Saturday – that day of intense pain, and the crushing loss of hope. And yet the last year has taught us the importance of recognising our emotions – and of giving ourselves space to lament. I wrote the following verses a few weeks ago, when I felt overwhelmed by so much – and before any lockdown restrictions had been lifted. In all my own personal losses, and when faced with the collective loss too, I have felt comforted to know that Jesus truly understands.

I pray that each of you is able to take time to stop…breath…cry…and grieve as our hearts cry out: ‘How long Lord?’ We do rejoice in the knowledge that Jesus has won the final victory, but we also recognise that so much of life currently feels like Easter Saturday.

We each desperately feel the effects of months of isolation and loneliness,
The shutting down not only of shops, churches and schools (for a time)
But homes and other social interactions.
Grasping at connection through a screen,
Fatigued by the constant online interaction,
Yet desperate to experience something of the relationships we are used to, and still crave.

The terrifying burden of seeing a loved one suffer, as the, or a, disease grips them,
And then being separated from them – doors close, and we enter our home again…alone.
Some make it through – others, sadly not – and we don’t all have a chance to say goodbye.
What are we to do with that pain?
As the death toll keeps rising, and the emotional toll on so many grows and grows…
We experience collective grief; 
At times feeling totally and utterly overwhelmed.

We try to cope with the agony of watching loved ones suffer so, so much,
Feeling helpless, while also struggling with our own emotional turmoil.
Exhausted and heartbroken, we drag ourselves around
Trying to support those around us, do our jobs and run our homes, 
While all the while what we simply need to do is…stop…
And breathe
And cry
And grieve.

How long Lord? How long must this go on?

We recognise we have each been affected in some way.
We understand we need to be compassionate to ourselves,
As well as to others.
And yet we are still expected to get up each day, 
Manage our households and our jobs, 
And interact well with those in our churches and our neighbourhoods.

Our hearts break for the level of suffering so many have experienced,
The intensity of situations so many have worked within.
And yet, for some of us based at home, very little has changed – 
Although so much now seems like it will never be the same again.
We come to you for comfort, for care, for strength right deep into our bones.
We were not made for such prolonged pressure, 
And feel like we are buckling underneath it.

God we cry out to you: Have mercy!

Grace-filled Marriage

You may have noticed that I haven’t posted my usual weekly devotional. Last week we ended our series looking at ‘Self’ and I have decided to briefly pause before starting a new devotional series. This will just be for a short time, so that I can get to grips with all I need to do in the run up to the publication of Grace-filled Marriage. I am just setting up the launch group, so please see below details on how to join if you are interested.

JOIN THE LAUNCH GROUP!

Grace-filled Marriage is being published on 7 May, and we are currently looking for people to join our launch group, to help promote the book in the run up to publication.

The group will be centred around a Facebook group (but not exclusively so – please do get in touch if you are not on Facebook but still want to be involved). There we can share promotional ideas, and I will post up links and memes for you to share.

A watermarked review copy of the book in PDF format will be available as soon as you sign up, so that you can read it in advance of publication. (Please do not share this – it is for your eyes only and a perk of being part of the launch group.) Obviously, we would love you to buy your own physical copy once it is out – from your local Christian bookshop, direct from my website or via Amazon. We would also ask that you post a review on as many sites as you can on publication day or as soon after as you can (sites such as Amazon and Goodreads).

To join to the group, please go to Grace-filled Marriage Group where you will be asked to answer three questions. Once I have approved you, please do introduce yourself!

You will also have an opportunity, as part of the Grace-filled Marriage launch group, to get a (free) ticket for the launch party. This will take place on Zoom, which means we will only have 100 tickets (which will be issued on a first come, first served basis). We will also be livestreaming to Facebook so it is possible to watch there too, but to be on the actual Zoom call you will need a ticket.

PART OF THE BIG CHURCH READ!

The Big Church Read is a fairly new project, aimed at encouraging churches to get people reading books and then discussing them together. Authors are providing a set of short videos, plus a reading guide and discussion questions. Our series will be starting on 17 May, but you can see the introductory video if you click on the image below. To find out more do take a look at our Grace-filled Marriage Big Church Read page. 

Being content

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These reflections on being content are based on Philippians 4:10–13.

‘I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.’ (v12)

I am rounding off our study on ‘Self’ with these verses because I think they are really encouraging – and challenging. Paul is saying that he has learned the art of being content, whatever the situation. I really feel that that is a place that God wants to guide us to as well. Can we truly echo Paul’s heart? And what about how we feel about ourselves?

LEARNING TO ACCEPT OURSELVES

It is so important to remember that we are works in progress. Yes, we are daughters of the most high King, and are redeemed and perfect in His sight. We are also ‘being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory’ (2 Corinthians 3:18). There is a process involved; are we accepting of ourselves through that or are we highly critical and constantly longing to be someone we are not?* God accepts us exactly as we are, while continuing to mould and shape us through the work of His Holy Spirit. If He accepts and loves us at whatever stage of our journey we are in, surely we should too? 

SUSTAINED BY JESUS

Learning to be content with ourselves is a great springboard for us to then reach out to others and to embrace all that God has for us in this life. Sometimes that may include incredible opportunities that blow our mind. At other times it may involve difficulty and suffering. Through it all we can fix ‘our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith’ (Hebrews 12:2), He will sustain us with His strength throughout our lives if only we look to Him. It is through His finished work on the cross that we can cultivate a healthy sense of knowing who we are. In Him we can also learn to be content in our circumstances and love those around us**. 

Prayer: Thank You Lord for the reminder to love myself. I choose to fix my eyes on You today – help me learn to be content where I am currently. Amen.

* If you know self-acceptance is a something you struggle with, you might want to take a look at Insight into Self-acceptance.

** If you would like to explore the subject of being content further, I highly recommend the following books:
Liz Carter’s Catching Contentment (IVP) – Liz has also written a six-week Bible study course to accompany the book
Jennie Pollock’s If Only (The Good Book Company)

NB I have included links to the publishers of each book, but please do buy from your local Christian bookshop if you can.

The healing power of words

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I am delighted to welcome Joy Margetts to my blog, to explain more about the painful yet healing personal story behind her new book The Healing.

I knew almost as soon as I began writing my novel that it was going to be called The Healing. 

A PEACEFUL ‘DOWNLOAD’

The story is a fictional tale. It had come to me, almost as a download, while I sat in the ruins of a Cistercian Abbey on a sunny summer day back in 2019. I was enjoying the deep peace and serenity of the moment, and wondering, in conversation with God, whether the abbey communities of the past had been places where some, at least, could have come and found healing for their souls. The answer I heard was a whispered ‘yes’. 

So the story came. A medieval knight, wounded physically, emotionally and spiritually, finds himself rescued from a French roadside ditch, by a kind Cistercian monk. In order to return to his homeland of Wales incognito, Philip de Braose, aided by his new friend, Brother Hywel, disguises himself as a monk. He finds himself on a journey where he not only becomes immersed in the Cistercian world, but also comes to terms with his pain, reconnects with the God he had long abandoned, and experiences a deep and profound healing: mind, body and soul. Philip then gets the opportunity to restart his life and live it the way God had always intended him to live it. A changed man with a renewed purpose.

MY OWN HEALING

My novel is a story of one man’s healing, but it is so much more. Because it is also my healing. I was able to write this book because it came straight out of my own experience. The truths that Hywel shares with Philip are the things I had to learn, and relearn, during one of the most painful times of my life. 

Eight years ago, I was happy with life. My children were reaching adulthood and beginning to fly the nest. I had a loving husband, a part-time job I loved, and I was actively involved in local church, with a God-given teaching ministry that I relished. Then out of the blue everything changed. I became ill with what was later diagnosed as ME (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and my world as I knew it was turned upside down. It was as if I hit a wall, emotionally and spiritually, and I could not find God in it at all.

The sense of betrayal was real. I had always trusted Him, and known His faithfulness throughout my life. I had suffered, and indeed experienced healing before. But this time I did not have the strength to fight, to even believe in His goodness any more. Despite how I felt, God had not abandoned me. He proved that by the loving people who surrounded me with their kindness, who prayed when I could not, and who spoke words of truth with love: healing words.

BELIEVING GOD’S WORDS

At the end of each chapter of The Healing are verses from scripture. Each one is special to me, because these are some of the words and promises that I was gently reminded of during that time. I had to make the choice to believe what God was saying, what His word was speaking into my soul. I had to chose to hope in His promises and believe that He was going to fulfil them in my life.

The word of God became my safe place, especially when my mind was under attack. Every day, I read what I could; those words gave me strength and God used them to do a healing work in me. Slowly and gently, graciously and lovingly, God restored my broken spirit, and my wounded soul. He also did a physical healing work in me that is still ongoing. Now I can live a much less restricted life. I can now teach. And I can write. I can again share words that hopefully will bring His healing.

In all of my affliction I find great comfort in your promises, for they have kept me alive!  (Psalm 119:50, TPT)

THE ROAD TO PUBLICATION

I did not set out to write a book for publication. I wrote a story that echoed my own. I found even the writing process a healing one. Remembering all the things that God had taught and reminded me of. Enjoying revisiting those hope-filled promises. And realising, with joyful amazement, just how far I had come. When I had finished writing, it was God I believe who prompted me to send it off to a publisher. That first publisher miraculously offered to publish and here we are now. I am an unexpected author of medieval fiction, and my first book is in print! 

My prayer for The Healing, is not only that people will enjoy reading Philip’s story, but that they will also find within the words of my novel kisses from a God who loves to heal.

The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed by pain, and he is always ready to restore the repentant one.       (Psalm 34:18 TPT)

Joy Margetts describes herself as ‘a fifty something mother of two grown children’ who lives on the beautiful North Wales Coast. The natural beauty and history of the area inspires her writing. The Healing will be published by Instant Apostle on 19 March 2021. Pre-publication, signed copies are available from the author at www.joymargetts.com

An eternal perspective

Photo by Edu Carvalho, from Pexels

These reflections on having an eternal perspective are based on 2 Corinthians 4:7–18.

‘Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.’ (v16)

This extract from 2 Corinthians reminds us of the frailty of our bodies (they are referred to as ‘jars of clay’). I think we can place too much emphasis on our physical bodies. The fact is, each day we are getting older and our bodies are decaying as they age. That is part of the fallen nature of our world and yet, sadly, our society doesn’t value older women. The marketing we see all around us tends to set up young, beautiful women as the ideal.

A DIFFERENT SET OF VALUES

The underlying message is that we should try to make ourselves look as young and beautiful as possible – outer beauty is what it is all about. But that simply isn’t the truth and this passage reminds us that we have a different set of values to live by. In a society that bombards us with the opposite, I think we really need to be reminded of this eternal perspective. We also have a promise to hold on to: ‘our citizenship is in heaven… the Lord Jesus Christ… will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body’ (Philippians 3:20–21).

ULTIMATE HOPE

Paul describes the trials and sufferings that he endured – but defiantly states: ‘We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed’ (vv8–9). He isn’t shying away from the reality, but he is stating where his ultimate hope is: ‘For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all’ (v17). Is that how we view our difficulties? Do we think in terms of eternity? Is our sense of self reflecting our eternal inheritance, or simply our immediate circumstances?

Prayer: Lord I thank You for this reminder that, while my physical body may be fragile, I have an eternal hope in You. Amen.

Everything we need

These reflections on God giving us everything we need are based on 2 Peter 1:3–11.

‘His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him’ (v3)

This is one of my favourite portions of scripture. We have already been looking at how God provides everything we need to truly be ourselves. Here we get an incredible summary of that fact! As we are getting near to the end of this devotional series, I wanted to include these verses as an exhortation to us all. They feel all the more poignant today, as it would have been my mum’s birthday. The passage speaks to me afresh of how God has everything I need for this season in my life. That is, for my grieving as well as every other area. But they also remind me of how well my mum made ‘every effort’ to grow in the qualities described – and spurred me on to do so too.

GROWING IN CHARACTER

It is precisely because God has given us everything we need, by allowing us to ‘participate in the divine nature’ (v4), that we are able to grow the qualities described here. These are character traits that enable us to be better people, more loving and more godly. But what is their purpose? ‘For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is short-sighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins. (vv8–9). 

KNOWING GOD’S IDENTITY – AND OUR OWN

I find it fascinating that we are told twice that knowledge about God is essential (verses 3 and 8). For me, that reaffirms the importance of knowing who my God is – and who I truly am in Him. Without that knowledge, too easily we can fall for the lie that we can never be free from a particular sin or habit. Or the lie that we don’t deserve the salvation we have received.

When we are secure in God and our identity, we can put off what hinders us and, working with the Holy Spirit, develop ourselves further so that we reflect the nature of Jesus more and more. We can actively pursue spiritual maturity, living out God’s values in our daily lives.

Reflection: Reflect on what your life says about your faith. Does it reveal God’s kingdom…and are you growing? Finish by thanking God that He has given us everything we need to live out our lives well.

Accept one another

These reflections on learning to accept one another are based on Romans 15:1–7.

‘Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.’ (v7)

We are continuing to look at how living our lives well includes reaching out to others. Here our focus is on humbly considering how well we accept one another.

FRACTURE OR UNITY?

I find it a sad indictment against the Church that there is so much infighting. Just a quick look on social media reveals many heated arguments, in which participants often angrily accuse others of not being real Christians. Tragically, the world at large can look upon so many parts of the Church and see fracture rather than unity.

In Romans Paul urges us to look to the needs of others. If we are stronger in a particular area than someone else, rather than looking down on them we should bear with them and encourage them. In all honesty, there are particular situations when this is more difficult. However, our motivation is always to be the same. We never deserved Jesus’ love and acceptance but He has poured it on us in bucket loads. So how can we withhold our love and acceptance from others?

LEARNING FROM BIBLICAL EXAMPLES

If you know you find it difficult to accept others, or if there is one person who is springing into your mind as you are reading this, be encouraged by verse 4: ‘For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.’

The Bible shows us how to love and accept others; it reveals God’s love for us and how Jesus was willing to be insulted for us – and ultimately die for us. It shows us the disasters that occurred when different people refused to accept one another (such as Cain and Abel, Saul with David). The Bible also shows us how God honours those who put their lives on the line for others (such as Esther and Ruth).

Prayer: Lord thank You for the reminder to accept those around me. Help me to share Your love today. Amen.

She wears her mask well…or does she?

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It is my great pleasure to welcome Ruth Leigh to my blog today, as part of her blog tour. She has written a fantastic novel, which I couldn’t put down. It is a sort of Bridget Jones for a new generation!

Almost as soon as I had written the first few paragraphs of my novel, The Diary of Isabella M Smugge, I realised that I had created a woman who was a past master at pretence. Having endowed her with a gigantic Georgian house, an immaculate garden, a thriving career and happy lute-playing children in the original blog back in April last year, I had the foundations on which to build a story.

THE ART OF MASK WEARING

I knew my heroine would be extremely good at talking the talk, and so indeed she proved to be. However, it was the little asides that started to betray Isabella. Quoting her mother’s advice about marriage, she comments, ‘Not that it worked out for her and Daddy, but that’s another story.’

Isabella has learned to accentuate the positive, to shine a light on the successful and push anything which might detract from that under the beautifully vacuumed carpet. ‘Naturally’ she’d thought about going for private education, ‘Of course’ her son has been down for a place at her husband’s old school since before he was born. She peppers her diary entries with hashtags, drawing us into her perfect world. 

Sharp-eyed readers will have noted that her parents’ marriage came to grief, and very nearly at the end of the first chapter, she reveals another sadness, triggered by her youngest child’s first day in Reception. Sent away to boarding school at seven, she recalls her mother’s advice to be a brave girl. However, seeing her little sister running down the drive after the car sobbing helplessly is still a painfully vivid memory. ‘Funny,’ she muses, ‘I haven’t thought of that for years.’

THE NEED FOR ‘PERFECTION’

You could say that life as a successful influencer and aspirational lifestyle blogger comes with the need to construct and wear masks. Isabella’s followers are complicit, clicking on perfect images of smiling children, beautiful interiors, parties which never go Pete Tong and wholesome family holidays on sparkling snow-covered slopes. There’s no place for nits, verrucas, sickness bugs, dandruff, ingrowing toenails or anxiety in this blissful world. 

And yet Ms Smugge is as human as her followers, as flawed as we all are, just much, much more practiced in covering it up. It really matters to her that her readers are on the right path, the one which leads to a tidy, sparkling kitchen, a playroom with beautifully arranged toys and a garden with a trampoline, a swimming pool and elegant flower beds, plus a Victorian greenhouse. Isabella has got everything our consumer society tells us we should have, and yet, and yet…

Gin plays a significant part in our heroine’s life, mostly consumed by her mother, ‘Mummy’. Musing about her childhood, presided over by a loving, non-judgemental figure paid by her parents to look after her, Isabella remembers bad days when her father came home to find a gin-soaked and angry mother waiting, ready to have a row. On goes the mask. ‘I wouldn’t want to give you the impression that we had a bad childhood. We had lots of toys, a treehouse, lovely parties and our ponies in the paddock. Nanny would whisk us off upstairs if Mummy and Daddy had one of their arguments, but often, when we were supposed to be asleep, Suze and I would creep out of bed and sit at the top of the stairs, listening to the voices shouting and the doors banging.’

Painting sad little vignettes like this one – two frightened little girls listening to a huge domestic kicking off downstairs – helped me to understand Isabella. She’s worked so hard to get to where she is. All the boxes are ticked, but underneath the shiny veneer, something isn’t right. As the novel goes on, her perfect life begins to unravel and the people who stand by her aren’t the ones she would have expected.

LETTING MY OWN MASK SLIP

When I joined the Association of Christian Writers and went along to my first writers’ day, one of the books I bought was one of Claire’s, Taking Off The Mask. As I read it, I found myself nodding in agreement, saying, ‘Yes. That’s exactly how it is.’ It spoke to me and I read it at a time in my life when I was ready to start allowing my mask to slip. I’m so glad I did, because without that frightening step (and it is scary, no doubt about it), Isabella would never have sprung into life and I wouldn’t be sitting here now, surrounded by tubes of Love Hearts and book wraps, rejoicing that I finally have my heart’s desire.

Isabella certainly learns some lessons as her life progresses and I have too. We all wear masks, to a certain extent, but the joy and the empowerment which comes with taking them off is hard to better. Here’s to a life lived honestly, or, as Isabella might say, #takingoffthemask.

Ruth Leigh is a novelist, blogger and freelance writer based in beautiful East Suffolk. This is her first novel.

Gently instructing one another

These reflections on instructing one another are based on: 
Titus 2:1–6.

‘teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live… Then they can urge the younger women…’ (vv3–5)

The heart behind this passage seems to me to be all about the church family functioning as a supportive network, one helping another to live righteously. The emphasis is on self-control, but there is also an urgent call for sound teaching, purity, kindness, integrity etc.

LIVING AND TEACHING AUTHENTICALLY

I feel I need to be honest now and say that there have been moments in which I have found comments from older women difficult to take. These were often in the context of parenting when I had very small children. I found myself thinking that collective wisdom had moved on and the women were too old-fashioned in their opinions. I think I probably missed out because of my attitude, and know of others who longed to have such input when they were younger.

However, what still causes me to sit up and listen is when women have modelled something beautifully, and have also taken time to simply be my friend before speaking into my life. Often the subsequent teaching is done naturally – and it is that that I think Paul is referring to here.

In each example, he is urging the leader or older person to first live out the way they will then instruct others to. As long as that happens in an organic way, rather than one person lording authority over another, I think it is a wonderful picture of unity and support within the body.

LEARNING AND INSTRUCTING WITH HUMILITY

Our society often feeds us the lie that only we know what is best for our own lives, and it can harden us to input from others. If only we could be humble enough to both receive and give gentle instruction in order to build one another up and help each other live lives worthy of our callings…

Prayer: I am sorry Lord when I dismiss what others may try to teach me. Help me to be humble and gracious, and also to recognise when You want me to help someone else. Amen.