Many of the thoughts that get me delving more deeply into my brain to ponder an issue occur when I’m doing something mundane. I guess that’s just a reflection of my life as a mum! I was busy dishing up dinner the other night when it suddenly dawned on me that I had probably already prepared, cooked and served up hundreds – if not thousands – of dishes since getting married and that there is no end in sight! We will have been married 18 years in August, our eldest will turn 6 in September, but I will still be clocking up the amount of meals I’ve prepared for us well after the time my husband and I retire! I started to get the hump – started to think about how many jobs a mother – and wife – does that go on behind the scenes, unnoticed. But then something in my spirit stopped me. And I started remembering all the times when my husband had sacrificially given of his time and I’d taken it for granted. And the times when my kids may have done something I’d been trying to teach them to do for ages and they suddenly ‘got it’ – but in my weary state I didn’t seem to praise or encourage them that much. I then started thinking about all the people there are in our church. A church doesn’t function without the help of its members and I wondered how often I’d thanked the welcome team for putting out the chairs faithfully each week for example. And, as I head up the worship team with my husband, I started thinking about all the musicians we are responsible for. How often do I take the time to check how each one of them is? I know I make sure to thank each one that plays alongside me on a particular Sunday, but what about all the other times when I’m not leading – do I still make time to show my appreciation? I know that it would seem forced to thank everyone every week, but I did get stopped in my tracks and just believe it is worth each one of us thinking about this. Do we truly appreciate those people who are around us day by day – the ones that we ‘do life with’? We could all do with some encouragement – why not tell someone how much you appreciate them today?
Spring cleaning your soul
I was busy cleaning my bathroom yesterday when I started thinking about how busy I have been recently. For quite a few weeks my cleaning regime has been rather curtailed due to lack of time. I have made sure that the place is hygienic, but it has been more about tidying up surfaces and making the place look okay rather than doing a thorough clean. As I started scrubbing I suddenly realised that that is how we can often be with our spiritual lives too. The things we do as so-called disciples of God can often be more about making sure we look good on the outside, rather than taking care of ourselves spiritually. Our souls can be crying out for some good nourishment, but we are so caught up with external things that we don’t even notice. I know that there has been much written about not approaching bible reading as something simply to be ticked off a ‘to do’ list, and not to be under condemnation if we don’t manage to read it every day. But I do think we are in danger of cheapening the grace that Christ won for us. Yes He died to set us free, but that didn’t take away our own responsibility to look after ourselves. Our society has a work hard, play hard mentality, which usually involves sessions at the gym or whatever your chosen method of exercise is. But for some reason, while we are happy to come on board the ‘look after your body’ camp, many of us Christians don’t seem to think much about looking after our souls. As we believe that our bodies are temporary (I know we are to look after them!), and that the important part of us is our soul, how come that belief hasn’t filtered down into what we actually do? The book that I was asked to write 8 years ago was on keeping ourselves spiritually fit – and it is just as much of an issue today. I am going to consciously try and take some time this week to honestly look at the state of my spiritual health (there are even some helpful checklists in my book that I will probably go back to! ;). I wonder, when was the last time you ‘spring cleaned’ your soul?
With pure abandonment…
I was at my sister’s 40th this weekend. She certainly knows how to throw a great party – the food was amazing, there were drinks aplenty, all sorts of games upstairs in the attic for the kids and even a live band in the sitting room! The latter had planned to be outside, but the changeable weather made that difficult. So there they were, 7 brilliant musicians in my sister’s front room. They weren’t crammed in, as she has a large house. But having a full band in your sitting room is slightly out of the ordinary. To begin with, it felt a little odd – the sofas had been pushed back against the walls and so people were tentatively popping their heads round to look at the band, then a few sat on the sofas and watched. Not the most responsive audience for the poor band! But then the frontman encouraged some dancing, and in whirled my sister with total abandonment, grooving away in front of us all, not caring whether we joined in or not. Now I’m not a natural party goer or dancer, so I was slightly embarrassed. It was my sister after all! Some people joined in – including my parents (heightened embarrassment!) – while others, including me, watched from the side. Occasionally I would allow myself a little bop with one of my kids – but I told myself that that was okay because I was doing it for them! Suddenly it hit me – I was using them as a prop to enable myself to join in without feeling awkward. How many of us have something like that – a comforter as it were – to enable us to engage in Sunday worship without stepping out beyond what we know? Do we stay within the bounds of what we normally do or do we allow ourselves to be caught up in heaven’s party? I really felt God check me in my spirit and told me to watch my sister – to look at her pure abandonment. He said that that is how He wants us to be when we come before Him. Totally wrapped up in what we are doing before Him, and not caring if others are joining in – or even if others are watching us with disdain. David danced before the Lord and his wife was mortified. Oh Lord save me from such cynicism and teach my heart to be reckless before you…
The gift of parents
As I said in my last post, we went to HTB’s Relationship Central Conference last week. With two small children at home, I was only able to go because my parents kindly offered to stay with us and take on my role. They stayed on for a few more days in order to enjoy the weekend with us all, and to help me out further as I had a backlog of article writing I needed to focus on. Just having one clear day without constant ‘little person interruptions’ has enabled my stress levels to go right down as I now feel things are back to an achievable level. While I feel bad that I didn’t get to see my parents that much, we did manage to have a few fun evenings – and mum and I grabbed a couple of short girly shopping trips! They left this afternoon but all day I have been thinking about, and thanking God for, the blessing of parents. Not only are they happy to travel up and help whenever we need them to, my mum does a lot to lighten my load around the house too and my dad amuses my son whatever my mum and I are up to! And it is wonderful that my kids get to see their wider family fairly regularly, even though we aren’t local to one another. It brings a richness and vitality to their life – and stepping back from the hands on parenting gives me a chance to view my children from a slight distance, and the result is always fresh delight (okay the double meltdown that occurred after my parents left wasn’t great, but I am certain I handled better than I would have done usually). I have been challenged today as to whether my parents truly know how much I value their practical help, the love they show to me and my family and their words of wisdom. If you feel the same about your parents, do they know it too?
Relationship central
On Friday I had the huge privilege of attending Holy Trinity Brompton’s Relationship Central Conference. HTB is where Alpha was born, and those running the conference created the hugely successful Marriage Course and Marriage Preparation Course. On Friday they launched their new Parenting Children and Parenting Teenagers Courses. Both promise to be as helpful as the marriage courses, which are now run in over 100 countries round the world. Just before our pastor went on sabbatical we took time out to go on the Marriage Course at a local church that was running it. It was so helpful to have that opportunity just to pause and take stock. As we are in the process of buying a building for the church now we were excited about the prospect of being able to run such a course there in the future, which is why we went to the conference. Having been, we are now hoping to run the parenting ones too!
As leaders will know, when you are in charge of a church it is difficult to ever find the time to visit other churches, so I was really keen to go to HTB as I’d never had the chance to (even though I used to work in a publishing house just down the road from it 15 years ago). I was blown away by the welcome. The conference was brilliantly organised and executed by many friendly faces all eager to help make the day as accessible and enjoyable as possible. Enticing muffins greeted us as we arrived, and the food just kept coming all day long! I have never been so well fed at a conference! 🙂 My husband recently attended the HTB leadership conference and he commented that, yet again, the church proved that they certainly know how to put on a conference. The highlight was definitely meeting and listening to Nicky and Sila Lee. God has certainly placed a particular gifting in them but it was so refreshing to see them in the flesh and watch them banter with one another. It makes them seem ‘normal’ and helps put across the notion that what they are teaching is attainable – they aren’t super spiritual beings, but just like every one of us. The materials they have put together have been done in such a way to make them as cheap and easy to use as they possibly could – another attention to detail that is going to bless thousands across the world as they start to implement these new courses in their churches.
The leadership conundrum
It is Monday and I am absolutely exhausted. It has been a long week, an even longer weekend and now here I am at the start of a new week feeling like crawling back under the duvet! In fact, to let you into a secret, my daughter has an inset day today so we really didn’t get out from under the duvet very early. My son did come and join us at 5.45, but that’s another matter… The reason for my tiredness? Well there are a mountain of reasons, but there is one I have been mulling over since I woke up. A few days ago I felt like writing a blog on leaders stepping up – getting over our own ‘issues’ as there are so many hurting people out there in the world – and in our churches too. They need us! They need us to be in a place where we can serve them, help them and then equip them to help others too. But there’s the conundrum right there. As a leader how do you know when it is time to stop giving out and take some time out for yourself? To be refreshed? How do you give out when you are on empty? People who look to you, and come to you regularly, don’t think about the fact that you are a human being with your own family, and get tired just like they do. (Well, a lot don’t.) I know that we should only do what we are called to do, but if you are so busy giving out how do you have time to stop and hear what it is that God wants you to do? It is so so vital to have that quiet space to just be, and hear, but I have to be honest I’m struggling with that right now. I know Jesus took himself away and if he did that, how much more do I need to!! But if you are a ‘do’er’ like I am, it takes real discipline. And I care about people, and want to help them when they are hurting. I have to keep telling myself that I can’t really help that well if I’m not in a great place myself. There is always going to be that tension of people needing you but you needing space to recharge. I think we all have to work out for ourselves what works for us – I’m just being very challenged because I think I’ve got it wrong this week!
Half-term antics
These holidays have seemed much longer than a week – we have certainly packed a lot in! My five-year-old daughter seems to have far surpassed her years. Her dad found a cabin bed at a bargain price online so she is now sleeping near the ceiling, fully kitted out with a sofa and desk underneath her bed. It would be a perfect hideaway for a teenager – every time I sit to read her a bedtime story in the space underneath I think that I’d like the room to be mine! I think there may be a bit of reliving our lost childhood going on for both her parents! 😉 When she went into that bed her brother moved from a cot into her old bed. Packing up all the baby stuff last week, and now the cot this week, has seemed like the end of an era. I know people always say it, but they do grow up fast! When you are in the midst of it it doesn’t necessarily feel like that, but every so often there are those moments that take you by surprise, cause you to step back and marvel at how much they’ve grown and developed right under your nose without you realising it. They are such a gift and each moment so precious – I just need to slow down enough to enjoy them…
Cooking with a toddler in tow…
This morning I decided to utilise one of my favourite presents from last Christmas again – my slow cooker. For some reason I was feeling more relaxed than usual with my cooking, so I suggested my little boy ‘help’. Normally I’m cooking on the hop, taking a quick break from working, playing a game with the kids or one of the many chores that are piled up waiting and so I find it hard to cope with the extra time – and mess – that cooking with a toddler entails. I’m also a bit of a control freak (I graciously say ‘bit’ to describe myself now as having two small children has certainly forced me not to be quite so freakish about things!).
Stood on a chair next to me my son was ecstatic every time a new vegetable came out of the drawer. He gasped at the sound of the pork sizzling in the pan as I browned it off, found the steam that came out of the slow cooker when I then placed the meat in it fascinating and begged me to let him help me do some chopping. Taking the time to see things through his eyes really helped me focus too. I learned today that God really is with me in the mundane. He showed me how much pleasure can be found in listening to a toddler try and say ‘aubergine’ and ‘courgette’ for the first time. I looked around my kitchen, at the mess and pile of jobs left to do, but realised that slowing down, just for a few minutes, can make so much difference to my outlook for the rest of the day. Now to see how long it lasts – especially as my son is currently on my lap busy pushing keys and playing with the mouse as I try to write this!! ;D
More than just a cuppa and a chat
I have just returned from the mums and toddlers group I go to on a Wednesday morning. While I was walking back it just struck me all over again what a privilege it is to belong to it. This is definitely no ordinary mother/toddler group. We are all Christian mums and, while the kids have great fun playing with one another (and someone else’s toys!), the emphasis is on the mums. It is a place to support each other. We may have minor theological differences as we all come from different churches in the area, but that is not what is important. I frankly don’t care about that. To have found a group of like-minded women that I can be totally honest with – can laugh or cry with, vent my frustrations to and enjoy shared experiences with – it is a precious, precious gift God has granted us all. It is a place we know is safe, that there are no repercussions from and that will stay totally confidential. Because of that we share some of our deepest thoughts and struggles – as well as our day-to-day triumphs. We may talk about issues to do with being a mum, Christian, wife and each time one shares, there are always others who have been through something similar who can offer experienced advice. And when one is hurting we all hurt. We stand with one another and pray for each other. Whenever possible we also study various parts of the Bible, or aspects of being a Christian. I tell you what, when I suffered badly from postnatal depression a couple of years ago, this group was my main lifeline. And it has continued to be a vital part of my life. I am so grateful that God has provided a place for me where I can fellowship with other Christian mums and have more than just a cuppa and a chat…
‘Just’ mummy today
I found today really refreshing. I didn’t have a deadline to meet, or an article that I HAD to work on, so (apart from a few emails) I spent the whole day with my son and a few of our friends. It was so enjoyable to spend time with people I’ve been too busy to see on a regular basis recently, and I found I enjoyed being focused on ‘being mummy’ a lot more than I do when it is the only thing I do day in day out for a while. That made me think about the fact that it is actually good for my family that I’m now back to working more – not just financially but also because I am feeling more fulfilled as a person. I know there are some awkward moments – when I’ve got deadlines looming or an idea brewing so I can’t seem to focus on anything else – but surely a more fulfilled mum makes for a better mum? I do hope so, because I’d really like to continue on this path I’ve embarked upon! I’ve still got issues to sort – such as how to drop everything I’m in the middle of writing to deal with a ‘crisis’ of my daughter’s with a degree of grace and patience I haven’t as yet found! (And then to remember what on earth it was I meant to write next!) But as 21st-century mums we all have our juggling acts and I’m not here to moan – I love the fact I can work from home and be here for my kids as much as I need to be. I do have the best of both worlds and, while having a foot in both camps continuously can be quite a tall order at times, I wouldn’t have it any other way!